Making the decision to enter a new relationship should not be taken lightly. Whenever emotions between two people are involved, it is important to take a step back and determine whether you are ready.
If you want your next relationship to be happy, stable and fulfilling, you should ask yourself these 10 questions.
1. Is this the right time?
Building a romantic relationship takes time and energy. Consider where you currently are in your life. If you’ve just landed a challenging new job with long hours or a member of your family is dealing with a health crisis, throwing another human being into the mix could complicate things. In this situation, it is best to wait for things to settle down before you settle down.
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2. Have I truly gotten over my ex?
3. What were some of the successes in my previous relationship?
Even though your previous relationships ultimately failed, hopefully you can recognize some of the positive moments and use them for insight when exploring a new relationship. However, if you struggle with this, think about the ways in which your friends or family members have been able to maintain a solid relationship with their partners. They might be able to offer you advice.
4. Why didn’t my previous relationship last, and what are my expectations for my next relationship?
Why are you no longer with your previous partner? Perhaps one or both of you were too devoted to your careers. Or it could be the case that jealousy and a lack of trust got in the way. Jot down all the things that went wrong in previous relationships and determine how they can be properly handled the next time you take the plunge.
Are you looking to settle down with a new partner, or are you thinking about this as a “friends with benefits” sort of deal? The last thing you want to do is mess with another person’s heart. Be completely transparent with them and let them know how you see things proceeding.
5. Do this person’s morals align with mine?
It has often been said that if you want a relationship to last, you should develop common interests or engage in activities that you both enjoy, such as camping or joining a book club. But in truth, compatibility is more than just both of you happening to share the same interests in movies or music, you need to think about it more deeply.
How do they conduct themselves in their day-to-day lives? Are they responsible? Do they treat other people with respect? What is their worldview? What values do you imagine they would instill in their future children? Do these values conflict with whatever you would want to instill in your own children?
6. Do I love myself?
While it might seem cliché to ask this question, it is totally necessary. It is nearly impossible to give yourself to somebody and love them if you believe you are undeserving of their love. It is bound to create frustration and undoubtedly fosters emotional distance, which will ultimately doom the relationship.
7. What am I looking for in a significant other, and what am I looking to get out of this relationship?
What are some of the characteristics you expect in a partner? Are you looking for a people pleaser or someone who is blunt? Somebody who loves to be out and about on weekends or a homebody who prefers to stay in and watch Netflix on Saturday nights? Nobody will satisfy every single personality preference, but a relationship won’t last if the person exhibits none of the qualities you like.
Perhaps you are just searching for a shoulder to lean on. Or maybe you’re looking for a best friend. Of course, as alluded to above, you might just be looking for a “good time” without any of the other responsibilities that come with a steady relationship. You need to determine whether you’re entering the relationship for the right reasons and whether this person can help you achieve these goals (provided that these goals are mutual).
8. Am I genuinely interested in this person?
People often make the mistake of dating somebody just so they can declare themselves taken. This happens even when it is obvious the couple are not the right match. If you find somebody boring right off the bat and seem more interested in telling them about yourself, there’s no reason to think you have any future together.
You need to analyze how do you behave when you are around this person? How do they make you feel when you are being your true self? Do they accept you for who you are?
9. Would I be proud to introduce this person to friends and family?
At some point your close friends, parents and siblings would have to meet them. Does this thought excite you? If it doesn’t, it is best to go your separate ways before things get serious.
Along the same lines, if you are fine with introducing them to friends and family, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to ask them what they think of him/her. If they get bad vibes, it’s possible they are seeing red flags that you haven’t noticed yet.
10. Does this potential relationship feel forced?
If you’ve just gotten out of a disaster of a relationship, dated countless people without much success, or just love the life of a bachelor/bachelorette, perhaps you’d be happy remaining that way. Hey, it works for a lot of people!
But if you’ve pondered those above questions and feel you’re ready to give the relationship a go, by all means do so!