HomeAdviceI Am Desperate But Afraid Of Making Another Mistake-Please Advise!

I Am Desperate But Afraid Of Making Another Mistake-Please Advise!


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Please hide my name. In fact,I am wondering if I should post this or not but I want advise and I want others to learn from my mistake. I am desperate but also a very simple person. I been married 8 years to a selfish bastard. I never ask for anything,I treat him well,give him respect but since day one,he has never been able to keep it in his pants.

We have a 5 year old daughter and because of mu husband’s waywardness, I decided not to have any more children. Our marriage has been like a contract since day one. Maybe cos my husband married me just for my money.

Yes,I dated my husband at the time when I was past 35 years. I was a successful branch manager and had everything in life but no husband. We met in my branch,he was looking for facility,I helped him and we developed a friendship that led to sleeping with him.

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I got pregnant but I never forced him to marry me. Marriage was his idea. I agreed cos I felt its was ok. I did not need anything from him. Marriage was a safety idea for me. But from day 1,he was never faithful.

I was hurt and did everything I could to salvage the marriage but he just never changed.People said a baby would help us but that changed nothing when I had my baby girl. I accepted my fate.

We live in the same house but we do not sleep together. We are like strangers to each other. The only thing we talk about is my daughter’s school or something like that. We never have s*x. We live like that. I bury myself into my work.

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For the past 2 weeks of lock-down,things have not been the same. I am practically very bored. I craved for a man more than before. I thought I could convince my husband to have s*x with me but he denied me. I cried and cried that night.

Out of my frustration,I texted a guy that has been toasting me but I refused to listen to him. The guy came over and I told him,I did not want anything from him,just to sleep with him. He agreed. In his car,parked in a dark area in my street,I had s*x with this guy that night

I felt no guilt or remorse. After all,my husband was doing the same thing for years. The only problem now is,now that I have ventured out of my marriage to sleep with another man,I have been craving to do it again. Like I said,I am a simple person…I am not that type of person to sleep around..but I cant live the rest of my life in a s*xless marriage…

I went online to check out this guy I slept with and saw pictures of him with a lady . I asked him who the lady was,he said his girlfriend but they broke up. How do I know he is telling the truth? I don’t want to enter frying pan to fire. My husband is a pathological cheat…should I be worried this guy is a cheat too?

He wants us to see this night…one thing is certain…my marriage is over..its not even a real marriage…my only concern is:how do I ensure I do not get into the same or  a worse situation than I am presently?

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I Am Desperate But Afraid Of Making Another Mistake-Please Advise!
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Right now your in a confused state of mind, the same desperation that lead you in that failed married is what your allowing to lead you again. I see you marrying for the sake of s*x and satisfaction but not for a healthy relationship that could endure to the end…sgat have you the assu8that at your age someone will be interested to marry you knowing fully well that your a divorcee. Shine your eyes. You might be making a bigger mistake of your life..why don’t you endure for the sake of that your beby girl to have a home.

  2. Madam,

    You need to stop messing with that man. He is not single and you are not single so what you are doing is as bad as what your husband is doing.

    You cannot justify your actions cos your husband is cheating…two wrongs never make a right.

    If you feel like you can no longer able to remain in your marriage…do the right think and move on. But before you do,have you tried professional counselling? Prayers? This might help save your marriage …you never can tell.

    If you however want to move on, moving on means do not enter from frying pan to fire. Stay single eyed until you find someone with enough discipline and respect for you.


  3. Take a step back to think of what you want. Find yourself. Get your happiness without a man. Then communicate with your husband about what is happening to get your ground


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