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The Only Man I Truly Love Is 21 Years Older Than Me:Please Advise

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Dear Ma,

I don’t know if I can confide in you. Please hide my ID. My name is Clarice (not real name). I am 30 years old. I am engaged to be married this coming June but I am having serious cold feet about my wedding and I do not know who to talk to.

I am not looking forward to my wedding. I think I am not in love with my fiance…or maybe I am just scared I would be making a mistake. The thing is,there maybe there is someone else and its someone who no one will understand why I love him.

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To be honest,I am in love with my boss at work. My boss is a 51 year old divorcee. He has grown up children but since I started working in that company three years ago,I grew close to him and actually the attraction is so strong between us,we slept together and had an affair for about a month.

One thing about my boss is that he does not look anywhere near 51. He is very athletic and goes to the gym alot. He looks like a man in his late 30s. He is so s*xy and I was shocked when he asked me if I was single. I said yes. We went on the most romantic dates I have ever been to till date.

To be honest,I was single and he too was single. But I felt a little ashamed to be dating someone almost twice my age. But he treated me so kindly and loved me like no man has ever. It was the best one month of my life. He loved me but I was just so afraid.

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When my fiance came,I used him to try and forget my boss. I convinced myself that I was truly in love with him. I ignored all the efforts my boss made to try to win me back …I pushed him away. I thought it was for the best cos I was not sure how to tell my friends that I was in love with someone much older than me.

That has been like almost 2 years ago but not a day passes without me thinking about my boss. Especially now that the wedding is getting close. When I sent my boss my wedding invite,he sent me a message and said: don’t do this,this is a mistake. Now, I am beginning to feel I am truly making a mistake.

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What is wrong with me? Why am I afraid of people knowing I am dating a man that is 21 years older than me? Sometimes I tell myself that its not right to marry such an older person cos he might die much earlier than me…will his children accept me? How will my family and friends receive such a thing?

And most thing I am afraid of…if I break up my engagement…with wedding less than 2 months away….how will I face the whole world?

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Oh my God…Is this normal? Why can’t I stop thinking of him even after two years? Why am I so scared of going ahead with my wedding?

Please advise me.

 

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Photo Credit:Washington Post

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The Only Man I Truly Love Is 21 Years Older Than Me:Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. Hello,

    The issue here is: you are too concerned about what others will say. Other people will not live your life for you and other people will keep saying things about you,whether you like it or not.

    The question you should ask yourself is: do I see a future with my boss? does he love me the way I love him,will he treat me right considering the age difference? You do not want him treating you as a child after a while…

    More questions: how will his children accept me? Why dd his marriage crash? Has he become a better person after the divorce? Will he marry you? Will he want children with you?Is he ready for children at his age?

    Love is a choice. You can also learn to love your fiance the way you love this older man. Its been two years,what if he has changed?

    I think you should ask yourself some hard questions and make up your mind.

    If you truly want the older man…and you have checked out all the questions above,then go for him.

    But if you have doubts after the questions above…then pause and work on your mindset. Its normal for bride to have what is called wedding jitters. Its just anxiety about their upcoming wedding. It will pass. Just be focused.

    Another reason you are having cold feet about your wedding is because your mind is telling you that you love this older man.

    Its a mind trick. Focus on your new relationship. Give it as much dedication and attention. Maybe you need to find a new job and forget about this older man-boss of yours.

    Do some serious and honest soul searching. Pray about it and God will guard you.

    Cheers

  2. Hello,

    From your story, you said “No man has ever loved you like your boss” (just) for a period of One Month!

    Fine!

    What can you candidly say of your relationship with your fiance all these two years?

    What prompted you to want to marry your fiance Now, what’s the reason?

    What do you want for yourself? Love, Happiness Peace and Tranquility or the other side of life?

    Take a leave from yourself and really think of what you want for yourself in life.

    Concerning your boss, ‘Age’ is a number! It doesn’t matter. Care less what people will say either your family or your friends. People will definitely talk about you, and that’s life!

    The problem here is that you have left him for quite sometime now.
    You don’t know him as much now as when you were in the relationship with him whether he’s still the same Man you knew two years ago.

    That’s quite a huge period of time!

    On the other hand, your fiance may bring you the love, care, peace, attention and what-have-you in your marriage if you give it a chance.

    But it’s your life. Give it to God in prayer to lead and guide you. He will. Trust Him with all your heart and He will NEVER fail you.

    God bless

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