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Lock Down: We Want To Get Married But Everyone Says Its Too Soon

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Hello ma,

Hide my ID please. I just need serious advise. I am a young widow. My husband died a year after our marriage. He had cancer. I mourned him for three years before the family allowed me to re-marry. Since then,I have been in one relationship or the other and they all want the same thing.

All they want is s*x. No one wants to marry someone that already has a kid. To be honest, that makes it really difficult to date. I am not that type of woman to be sleeping around. I ignored several relationships because of this. I do used to get insult as a result of this. They will say why am I acting like a virgin,after all I have been married before.

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So far, I have tried to be a responsible person. I am only 29. Five months ago,I met someone. A very nice guy,polite,respectful and funny. We became very close but I told him no s*x. He was surprised but he agreed. He even said he is impressed by my standards.

To be honest,I love this guy and every day,we get closer,I cannot wait for him to ask me to be his wife. I have met some of his family and he has met mine. He has a good job and all. This looks like a perfect situation for me until this lock down.

We could not see each other at the beginning of the lock down. I missed him so much, I could not bear to be away from him so I asked him to come and see me. He came and we spent the whole day together which was so fun. He wanted to leave that evening but I did not know if he could be able to see us again so I asked him to stay with me for a while.

That night,we tried our best but I could not hold it any longer. I yielded and had s*x with him. I love him ma and he loves me. I just feel so bad after making love with him. I told him it was a mistake. He laughed and said ok. We ended up doing it again. I cannot help myself.

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But I feel bad every time we make love. I do not want to be taken that cheaply. My guy is a gentleman. He admits he too cannot wait any longer . He then suggested we get married right away. We are looking at doing a court wedding next week. I am excited but also scared. We have only known ourselves for five months.

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Although,I feel so close to him that I feel I have known him for years. I love him,he loves me. The only issues is: my parents feel I am rushing and they want us to wait until after the lock down. Both of us cant keep our hands off each other. I might be pregnant before the end of this lock down.

I know this is not how I envisaged to get married. Someone might say its the s*x that is pushing us. Maybe. I wish I never obliged cos there is no going back again. My conscience tell me the only way is to do it the legal way….

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Besides, what if they extend this lock down again…how long are we going to wait…is five months not enough? I know my people probably want to attend our wedding which the lock down will not allow them. Same for his people. But both of us have very strong emotions and the chemistry is just too much.

I really want to get married…what could possibly go wrong with this..please advise me…are we doing the wrong thing?

 

Anonymous Lively Stones Whatsapp member

 

Photo Credit:The Healthy

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Lock Down: We Want To Get Married But Everyone Says Its Too Soon
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. Both of u should be patient enough till d lockdown is over and for knowing each other 4 five months is okay since he is ur ideal man, many marriages stil collapse after d partner still dated for 5 years and more

  2. Hello,

    Dating someone for 5 months is neither too short or too long. Its relative to how much you can know that person within a given time frame.

    At 29…and already married before, you should know what you want in love and marriage. This guy seems like the guy you want…

    The only concern is: are you getting married because you know he is the one for you or because you cannot hold out on s*x anymore?

    The reason for marriage should not just be about s*x. S*x is a bonus benefit of marriage.

    Now, take a piece of paper: write down at least 20 things that make you feel you are ready to marry this man.

    The following should be on your list:
    *Do I feel loved and respected by this man
    *How does he feel about my child,will he love him as his own
    *Does he support my dreams and aspirations
    *Do I support his dreams and aspirations
    *what are his personal values and vision:do they allign with mine?
    *Do we believe the same spiritual principles
    *How will we finance our lives
    *How many children will we have
    *What abut s*x? how often,preferences?
    *Is he kind and empathetic
    *etc

    If you are able to answer the above and some other questions honestly and he fits the above…you can do a court wedding during the lock down and have a more formal ceremony after the lock down.

    If you have any doubts in your mind though…stop having s*x with this man…send him home and stay away from him. Continue being friends until you are sure he is the one.

    Wish you all the best.

  3. […] what I mean). I am a happy and content man. I have everything I need,I cannot complain. i have the lock down to thank for my current state of […]

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