HomeAdviceDespite My Efforts, I Failed At Marriage-Marriage Is Complicated

Despite My Efforts, I Failed At Marriage-Marriage Is Complicated

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Hello,

Please hide my identity. I was married to a very beautiful woman for 4 years. We have a son. I thought we were in love but through out the marriage,I worked very hard to be the best husband but I was not enough for her. Nothing I ever did was enough. She complained of me not meeting all her exorbitant needs even though I was spending almost 70% of my salary on her.

My wife liked the good life.  We ate out most of the time. She wanted to live at a certain class cos she is actually from a well to do background. I tried but I could not keep up. We argued alot until one day,she filed for a divorce.

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I was really blind sided by the divorce. I tried everything to stop it but she was adamant. Her family backed her up. Anyway,I waited three years hoping she would change her mind. The divorce finally went through. My ex wife has remarried.

My divorce made me dislike the idea of marriage. I have dated a few ladies but soon as things begin to get serious, I cut it off cos I do not want to get married again. Everyone keeps telling me to remarry but I really do not want to.

My mother is afraid I will grow old alone. I do not want that but I have not found anyone who has agreed just to be my lover without marriage. I believe marriage is not for everyone. Some one like me. I feel like I will fail again if I get married.

I am the kind of guy that is loving,kind and will do anything to make a lady happy. Why is that not enough? Marriage is just a piece of paper. Why is it not enough for people? Human beings can disappoint you if you do not meet their expectations…I cannot go through that again in my life

My divorce really hurt me. I feel marriage complicates things. I am dating a very lovely lady now. For like 4 months. she is already hinting at marriage…I fear I might loose her again…but I do not make another mistake. I need advise.

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Photo Credit:Mysthical Raven

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Despite My Efforts, I Failed At Marriage-Marriage Is Complicated
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Mr. Anonymous, I feel your hurt and pain. Truly your next relationship or marriage might also end up same way. But that doesn’t mean all will be that way. And that is why you need guidance from God. Marriage is sensitive and sacred. It not a good idea going in and out of it. Seek God’s face and you wont make same mistake. Forgive and let go your past marriage irrespective of how hard it’s so you can Open your heart to love again. I wish you all the best.
    Cheers

  2. Hello,you need to deal with your feelings before embarking on any relationship because people could get hurt in the process.
    Take time off dating for now to get rid of all the bad vibes. After this ,get into a relationship with positivity and importantly,trust God.

  3. Hello Sir,

    I can understand your fears. Your marriage did not work and you feel like you failed.

    Well…that is life for you…sometimes you fail…and every failure is just a lesson not a sentence.

    Do not let your fears hold you back. Your ex wife is gone. The next lady coming may not be like her.

    Ask yourself: where are the areas I made mistakes in my former marriage and how do I ensure I do not make the same mistakes in my next marriage.

    Sometimes, its not your fault…marriage is an institution of two forgivers. If both spouses can forgive no matter what,they can push through most of their challenges in marriage..

    So,in looking for a wife in future,look for someone who is quick to forgive,someone who is willing to accommodate,someone who has realistic expectations and is willing to ride this journey of life with you.

    People need to look beyond flaws…everyone has flaws…you just have to find out if they have a teachable spirit…a willingness to change,to evolve,to compromise,to strive all the time to be the best version of themselves.

    Do not let fear hold you back. To fall in love is courageous…just be yourself and let whoever you love know your flaws…let her know that you are a work in progress…both of you are actually.

    And trust God.Let God’s word be your guidance in marriage….its faith that makes marriage work. Faith in God and faith in your spouse.

    So,do not give up…do not get stuck….its not your fault and you can live your best life if you step out in faith and in love.

    Cheers

  4. Look at the areas you made mistakes in your former marriage and do not repeat such mistakes… Did you lead your former wife on with the mask of you are loaded? . Don’t try such mistake again

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