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This is a long story from a Lively Stones telegrams member. In part 1 of this story,kindly gather your thoughts and let us advise based on what is going on here. What can be done to help this situation too. Drop your comments in the comments section.
Please share my story ,and hide my identity
My story is a very long one but I will try to make it short .Before I was bold enough to put this together ,it took me a while because I have read series of story on your blog and am also in your telegram page.
And I think what was responsible for the problem am facing was for the fact that I was not patient enough , I just came out of a broken relationship and I jumped into the available one all in the quest to get married.
I got married in year 2006 I was 27 then ,my husband is a lecturer in one of the colleges of education in the south west and I was in year two doing my degree then. We are blessed with three lovely daughters. Ever since I got married I have never experienced peace of mind ,it has always been from one abuse to another.
After I finished my degree I was waiting for service and told him I want to learn tailoring he said no way ,I agreed . I continue staying at home till service came . After the service no job , I was home doing nothing for good seven years .
During those years I saw hell ,my husband will do virtually everything by himself including going to the market and buying everything , including soup ingredients ,and he’s still doing that till now .
I must not tell him I needed money ,it will seems as if am pouring hot pepper on him ,whenever he’s not at home , if my kids are crying for common ten naira biscuit I will not be able to afford it , even in the church ,until he changes money n bring it I will not be able to pay any offering .
When I couldn’t console it any longer I applied into a private school and I was given appointment my husband did not allow me to go , that there is no way he will allow me to work there .
Money he will not give me and also prevents me from working. I continue in my suffering as a good wife praying for God to give me a job. During those time if any of his family members or anybody gives me money my husband will collect it and tell me it’s my contribution to the up keep of the family since I have never contributed in any way.
Finally I got a job in their staff school and I was being paid 30k ,I was happy that at least I will have my own money and be able to take good care of myself, not knowing I was joking.
Do u know that despite the fact that my salary is not up to 10 percent of his salary my husband will stand at my neck to collect 5k from me every month ,saying it’s my contribution to the family . For the sake of peace I succumb.
Less I forget during those years of my staying at home , I must not touch his car , l remembered there was a time we had 3 cars at home , he bought new one and wanted to sell one ,I don’t even know how to drive . He will drive his kids to school in the morning and bring them in the afternoon .
One day a Friend of mine who has been observing the way he will always be in haste with the kids and never be patient with them called him and told him dat “oga sebi your wife is at home doing nothing and you have 2 cars let her learn it and be bringing your kids to school with ease because you are always in hurry with your children.
When he got home he started abusing me that I have gossiped about him to my friend , and God is my witness I did not tell her any thing, saying maybe am the one fueling the car.
When I started working ,I was taught how to drive and started taking my kids to school ,since they are now in the school I am working. I nearly developed high Blood pressure because of the car ,every morning when cleaning the car he must not see a scratch on it ,he will abuse me till the end of that day.
My husband will call me to analyze how am spending my money . Despite the fact that he’s not giving me anything, gradually it became part of me.My husband is the hostile type that does not want anybody in our house even his cousin and mine ,he will talk to them anyhow.
He will be saying in their presence that he cannot use his money to feed people anyhow . There was a time I was crying in my room that one of his cousin walked up to me console me and asked me that ” why did you even marry my uncle ” that she has been pondering over it for so long that I should not be offended but because she feels my pain.
Every time the comes around because she was schooling where my husband works .He will beat me up at any opportunity and also abuse me in the presence of anybody including my children , I will enter my room and cry.
He does not allow me to sleep in the same bed with him ,even when I forced that . My body must not touch him even by mistake he will move his body away, he makes love to me when it pleases him.
My husband can nag from now till tomorrow , he’s hostile ,he’s aggressive ,he’s not loving and caring is not in his dictionary at all, he keeps saying he will send me home to my parents ,sees himself as my god. Telling me there is nothing anybody can do for him .
Despite all these , I remain a loyal n faithful wife.Until one day ,I was having…..
To be continued….