HomeAdviceHelp:I Think I Am Loosing My Mind Over This Thing Called Marriage-Conclusion

Help:I Think I Am Loosing My Mind Over This Thing Called Marriage-Conclusion

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Editor’s note:
Click here and here for the first and second part of this story. If you have waited for the final part of the story,here is it. Drop your comments in the comments section.If you would like to assist this lady,please send an email to:[email protected] or whatsapp:+234 8029 8703 09.
Thank you.
Jzhane
Conclusion:
It was then I realized the kids too are not happy, immediately the eldest said she’s leaving the house ,the second said she will follow her. She even said she has attempted suicide twice just that it did not work out.
My husband turned to me that I  am using her daughters against him, he did not allow us to solve the problem at hand . I have counselled and calmed my daughter down and also told a friend who is a medical practitioner who advised I should keep my eyes on her that it is a sign of depression which I have been doing.
The following day I begged him with the kids . He did not talk to us for 4 days. Later we settled.
Ever since this lock down it has been series of abuse , if not for my kids I planned to run away .He will keep saying  he has changed but it has not reflected on him. Last week Wednesday he told me that me and my father are ingrate that he sent 5k to my father and he failed to call him to thank him ,that was that money small or my father has worked for him .
That I will be bringing my ” band wagons” to his house to eat his food up and I will not be grateful to him. The band wagons are my family members o.This is where am in need of advice ,I have seen he’s not going to change because each time he’s talking about this change of a thing he will end up in sending me to my parents .
Since last year I have developed high Blood Pressure because of his treatment , I keep pondering over his ill treatment and where I have wronged him and to be candid I can’t find any.
Now , I want to give him a break because I don’t want to die untimely ,I want to separate from him for a while ,if he changes yes and if he does not , so be it .
But I need assistance to secure an apartment or better still if I can find a well paid job . Because I have realized that ,he thought I don’t have anywhere to go and that I cannot success without him .
Anonymous Lively Stones Telegrams Member
Photo Credit:Lindaikejisblog

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Help:I Think I Am Loosing My Mind Over This Thing Called Marriage-Conclusion
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

10 COMMENTS

  1. Dear poster,

    I want to honestly congratulate you, that you have realised, accepted and decided on what to do is the most important factor to gaining your life back.
    You are a very strong woman your children are blessed to have you. Leaving that toxic marriage is the right thing to do especially has it now threatens your daughter’s life…
    Be strong because he may want to frustrate you even further but you are equipped by your empowerment. We will be praying for and we trust that you would beat this.
    Remain blessed.

  2. I patiently waited for this conclusion part….sorry about what you are going through madam, just have it at the back your mind that you can’t change your husband attitude…it’s in his blood .

    Pls, your life and that of your kids is important, I will advice you raise some money to get an apartment even if it is just a room or you put up with a friend or family member for the main time.
    At this junction you will need to put more effort on your tailoring business and also look out for another job so that you can Carter for your self and the kids.

    Pls, also put your self in prayer for God intervention and direction….there is nothing God can not do.

    Stay blessed.

  3. Thank God you have finally come to the realization of the right thing to do, put it to God in prayer, He will surely provide help for you. In all you do, ensure you leave that house with your kids ASAP. Apply for new jobs and add it to you tailoring job. You will be back up in no time.

    • I’m glad you have finally taken a decision. Though it’s not easy but it’s the best for you and your children. God is with you always and I’m sure you’ll meet with those willing to help you secure a good job and an accommodation

  4. Commenters have all said it all..and thank God u have realized your life and that of your children am is in danger and I want you to know that a leopard can NEVER change its skin..Move as soon as possible. May the Almighty God make it easy for you..

  5. Hello madam,

    I must thank you for finding the courage to speak out. You have been through a real traumatic experience and there is so much to say and learn from your story.

    First lesson is: you did not do a proper background check before you married this man. Like you said,you jumped from one heartbreak into this marriage. You did not give yourself time to heal..that is why you could not see that this man was not right for you.

    I must commend your strength,stamina and wisdom with which you have survived this far. You could not have done it better. You have tried.

    Your husband needs help. I hope he is able to get that. He probably never got the type of love you expect from him. He probably grew up seeing men treat wives the way he treats you. He probably was abused himself growing up…hurting people hurt others.

    He also needs to be born again. I believe God is the only one that can really turn his life around.

    Now,the children are grown and they see the abuse and it is really affecting them to the point of suicidal thoughts. No one needs to tell you that it is time to leave with your children.

    Unfortunately there are not many known organizations that can help with providing shelter for vulnerable people. Lively Stones hopes to be able to set up similar programs in future.

    For now,I can only recommend you try and get in touch with the Lagos State Ministry of women affairs if you live in ,Lagos. Unfortunately with this lock down, I am not sure if they are open.

    We will try and research for some NGOs that may be in position to help. If we find any,we will contact you.

    You should also reach out to family or church members too to support with some finance to get a small apartment even if its one room for you and your children. Those kids have been through so much. For them to be running away from home and thinking of suicide,something drastic has to be done to save what is remaining of their future.

    How about staying with family members or friends for the time being? You should also try and get a restraining order from the police so he does not come after you.

    It feels sad really but please hang in there….there is light at the end of the tunnel. Keep being strong…thank God you have a business now,focus on making it big so you can sustain yourself and the children.

    Trust God and never loose hope. We are praying with you and looking forward to a much brighter future for you and your children.

    God bless you and thank you again for sharing with us.

  6. You have taken the right decision any sane person could take. As you have been advised before, if there’s no family member that can accommodate you with your children please look for a room self contained that you can afford even after the expiry of the first rent because I know some of us here no matter how little will assist. But like the admin said go and get police report so that he can continue to pay for the school fees of those children. Cheers, this is not the end of your life but a great step to your joy

  7. Finally you have gotten “angry” with the situation. I’m happy for you. This next stage is where you have to be strong, courageous and determined to carry out this your plan.

    Don’t become weak again to the mere words “I will change”. People hardly change their natural state of mind. Your husband character is just like that. He might have gotten it through the way his Dad raised his family while he was growing up. So he can never change that attitude.

    If your family members are not willing to support you, then try to look for support from some NGOs that are against women abuse in marriage or assistance from your church welfare.

    Your kids needs to get away from that environment as fast as possible. Orelse they will become mentally damaged like your husband.

    I pray God will help you to overcome this trouble.

    It is well !!!

  8. Change is not a vocal expression but evidently seen in our lives, actions and speech.

    Congratulations on the courage to remain focused on building yourself and catering foe your kids even seeking for peace and understanding with your hubby.

    You have tried therefore channel your prayers to asking God to help you find help.

    Ask God to send you a helper and open doors of opportunities for you.

    By all means, go away for you need it.

    A sister, friend, church members or a work in another location with accommodation to help you and your kids pick your pieces up.

    It won’t be easy but be determined and trust God, you will laugh at last.

    I pray for divine healing for you. Take care of your health for your kids need you.

    All the best.

  9. This is the reason it is advisable that as a woman you add value to yourself and get your ground before marrying that rich man… Don’t be a liability that he would start regretting why he married you. So ladies add value to yourself. I weep when I see young girls right now who sit around discussing and waiting for a rich man to come marry them and save them…

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