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Six Years Of Marriage Yet No Peace Of Mind:What Else Can I Do?

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Share my story. Hello ma, please I need advise.  Hide my identity.

I have been married for six years now but no rest of mind in my home. My husband has been treating me so bad.  When I was pregnant he don’t want to come close to me, he maltreat me as he  wanted when my pregnancy was 8 months.

I was very sick to the extent convulsion take place on that day for me to breath its another case.My husband said that am just  pretending, he said in fact that if I should die now,teh  highest thing is,he will bury me.

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As God might have his way of doing things, my mom called me and I and her with the little strengths I was having  my mom had my voice she started crying that I will  die.She  now call him before he now took me to the hospital  and I came and overcome the temptation.

I put to bed in 9 month but his not satisfied. Two weeks after I put to bed,  he started disturbing me for s*x which I accepted but I  told him I will go for family planning he refused ,saying that he will use withdrawal method.This is how the man has been getting me pregnant.

Now  I have become his enemy. One of his brother and his family came back because of this covid1-9  of a  thing.  The man just depends on my husband, my husband is the one feeding his family so one of his daughter has been destroying my things at home.

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And I now tell their father of what his daughter has been destroying, he now gave me some money to give to my husband, when I reach to the market where we use to sell, I give him the money  he  started insulting me in public then I started crying.

Then we still came back but he insisted that I should refund the money back to his step brother and I did that but finally he said I want to separate him and his step brother, that to day will be his first and last that he will eat my food, that he hates me with passion that my days are numbered been in that house.

He said when I need money to buy food or anything for the children that he will give me, but for him to love me,no way. Please  house  I need your advice on this should I stay or leave?

 

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Six Years Of Marriage Yet No Peace Of Mind:What Else Can I Do?
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

19 COMMENTS

  1. A. Man that disrespect you and abuse u does not worth dying for,pls my dear nobody will advice u to leave your marriage but u have to use your brain as you follow your heart best of luck.

    Remember he can never change because this type of men have mental issues that can only be resolved by God.

  2. I will like to ask about what steps did her mom take when she had convulsions during pregnancy. Because in some family, they behave as if they have been looking for a way to dispose their daughter, that is why they can’t stand for them. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband on what he wants in the marriage and your feelings. Introduce the idea of seeing a marriage therapist to him, if he accept fine but if he behaves as if he doesn’t care, prepare to separate from him and involve your family so that you can live to tell the story and serve God with your peace of mind.

  3. You need to pray first before any action is taken. Ask God for guidance…. This isn’t a case where you use violent as already, there’s violence in this matter… You need to use peace and love to discuss with your husband, so as to know exactly what is his problem and find ways to solve them. You should seek a marriage therapist/counselor while doing this… God bless you

  4. Hmm. Well, I feel your predicament and it truly takes the grace of God to stay in that kind of marriage. From what you said, your parents are aware of what you are passing through and maybe his own people too.
    Since he hasn’t asked you to pack, and if he doesn’t physically abuse you again, as in beating you, what you should do for now is to get closer to God and seek for solution from Him. Yes, no situation is above God. Also, do a thorough checkup on yourself and make sure, you do not contribute to your problems. Become more loving and a better you. I believe, things will turn for your good

  5. I will advise you to go on your knees and pray to God.
    Secondly get the book titled: “ANSWERS FOR YOUR MARRIAGE” by Brucr & Caro Britten
    It will help you.
    Thanks and good luck !

  6. God hate divoce. In a case of domestic violence like this where the husband beat the wife and do not also care about her, at this junction temporal separation is advised not divoce. But before such step is taken how is the woman’s attitude to the husband, friends, family, communityetc. Does she submit to the husband, is she born again,does she pray, has she gone for any marriage counseling in her church if she is a christain. What efforts has she taken so farto correct any faults or the challenges she is facing I her home. Has this woman pondered on what is making the manto behave the way he is behaving. Let us all think very well before passing jugement so that we will not appear guilty before God and man.
    There factors which can lead to domestic violence. I will pick 2 basic factors
    Leach concerning both side, the man and the woman
    1The woman:Are you legally married
    Are your parents in support of the marriage
    Are your husband parents in support of the marriage
    Are you both born again
    Do you make Jesus the overseer of your home psalm 127-1.please both of you should read proverbs 15:1-7
    Please submit yourself ito your husband, humble before him, swallow your pride if there is any, rrespect and show him true love instead of hatrred. Don’t ever argue with him again or try to prove right anytime he is angry let the word SORRY be part of you always.Even when he is breathing fire,just say sorry with respect and keep silence. Leave the rest to God, He knows how to solve every problem.

    2: The man if he is a christain..Let him love his wife even as Christ loves us and gave Himself for us. Proverbs 10:12, Rom 12:9-12.you love her before you say I do,then cherish her with warm affection. if you are one of those who still look outside beside your marriage, please stop and concentrate on your family. Strange women according to proverbs 2:16-19 open sepuchcre that when any man enters will just cover him without Mercy. Let the men see their wives as their better half. Let the men tolerate theirspouse because, they are your God’s given gift, soulmates, confidants, your best friend, mother of your children
    I pray that the peace of God will return back to every trouble homes in Jesus name

  7. [4/23, 2:42 PM] Brainardc: Are you close to his mother or anybody he respects alot, why not try and talk to them about what you’ve been facing or enduring, I believe you’ve tried. Maybe they could also help but why are some men like this even while pregnant…
    [4/23, 2:43 PM] Brainardc: God will see you through, never cease in talking to him about it.

  8. The word of God says! Husband love your wife, same as ye wife, subject to your husband!
    The only tool for a man to love his wife is when the woman gives him enough space of subjections, for him to feel like the head, he may go for a while, annoyed for a while, but believe, when you maintain your positive mental attitude, you will still gain back his lost love! Mind you, it’s a woman that protects her home through prayer(sRom.12 vs 12), for God’s leading!!

  9. He has made it clear to u that he can’t love u and I don’t think u can force love, but since he didn’t love u why did he marry u?
    Well I think, all u need right now is prayers, ur mom should also join u in doing that, bcos only God can make him change his mind towards u.
    It’s well with u madam!

  10. Sorry for what you are going through madam,
    To be candid with you, you didn’t study your husband well before marriage you could have forseen this.
    At the beginning the man didn’t really love but you ignored that part.

    I think you should meet with someone or people that you know your husband really respect to help you talk to him before you know the next step to take.

    In all go to God in prayer….it will end in praise
    Stay blessed.

  11. I feel your pain but be strong, it isn’t over. God still hear our faintest cry.

    I only see a man who is bitter and trying to be Lord in his home.

    Obviously, there isn’t love here.

    Did he marry you out of pressure or pity? Did he impregnate you before marriage?
    Were you recommended to him?

    Did he have any misfortune after your wedding?
    Is he a graudate, has friends, enlightened?

    Above all, is he born again?

    If your husband is bitter and doesn’t care about you, it started someday and somwhow. Something led to it which you or someone contributed to.

    It could be his orientation from his background.

    What yo do is to ignore his outburst since that wasn’t your intentions. Learn to focus on yourself and kids.

    Have a blind eye over the visitors, his attitude and words use on you.

    Go on your knees and commit to prayer of petition and intercession for him and your marriage.

    Build yourself to be productive, improve on things we complains about, devote your time to your kids.

    Love him, don’t curse or treat him badly. Respect him and be happy from inside. But be preparing yourself to move if it worsen but don’t think divorce.

    Get your mum informed and his own family members.

    If he gets violent and raises his arms, then get police and welfare involved.

    I pray your home become a place of peace, joy and comfort for you.

    All the best.

  12. Judging from what you wrote, it seems your husband married you because of your endowments or beauty (just for pleasure). He neglected you while you were pregnant because that wasn’t pleasing for him. Then immediately after u started returning back to shape, he wanted your body again.

    Obviously, his love for you is that of the flesh. And I am sure if u stop giving him s*x, he will hate you completely. You have entered this one and there’s no going back. You don’t have to seek for divorce at this stage. You never mentioned that he raised his hands on you. So I guess he still respect you as his wife. But if he had done that before, then you have reached the pinnacle of abuse in that marriage.

    What you need to do now is to get someone to counsel both of you over the issue on ground. Be it a therapist or a member in his/your own family (someone well respected by your husband). Your husband won’t be happy about it but make sure he goes through that with you.

    Then if he changes his attitude towards you positively, whenever such issues come up again, that counselor is the person you should always be reporting to, to interfere. (that’s if he is not raising his hands on you).

    If his attitude is still negative as usual or becomes worse (by beating you), then the issue is out of hand. You should consider giving him space by leaving the house for him. If he does apologise to you to come back, then return back to your matrimonial home. But if the problem persist after returning and counseling is no longer working, then you must be courageous to stay away finally from your husband by living somewhere else.

    Just make sure any decision you make, don’t do it hastily. Take your time to think about how it will work out before stepping your leg into it. May God help you overcome this and have peace of mind.

    It is well !!!

  13. Hello madam,

    Something is not right with this union. Did you force yourself on him?

    Its clear he does not regard you as love of his life.

    This is another case of how badly society raises some of our boys. They end up being less of a man.

    He should have been taught how to love and treat a woman but I guess he does not know how

    And it is tough to teach a dog a new trick when its old.

    My advise…involve both families.

    The abuse must stop. You may need him to sign an undertaking.

    He must attend theraphy to address his anger issues.

    And he must attend family planning classes and agree to stick to the family planning method that you are comfortable with.

    I do not pretend to think he will do all of the above…if he does not…maybe you should ask yourself if you want to continue in this stressful and painful union

    You know what to do afterwards.

    God bless.

  14. Hmmmmmm my dear I know is not easy but and also nobody on dis Earth married the enemy cos I guess u date him before get marry to him,as for us Christian in Ghana during the engagement Bible will be given to the lady that means God is the pillar in that marriage so my sister don’t forget God in dis situation call upon him and He Lord will answer you cos He the Author and Finisher of all things God be with you

  15. Hello madam
    Your matrimonial home is for you to make it work that is why the certificate is always given to the woman meaning you have a lot to do
    Your husband love you that is why he married you and you as well love him
    I think your husband is re-acting to something which you should pay very attention to and know what it is and deal with it
    About the insults and maltreatment you should take to him about it and also seek counsel
    With regards to his relative,I think you should have reported to your husband before confronting him and again you shouldn’t have taken the money from him
    I know is not easy living in your matrimonial with relatives but I think you can manage when the need arise
    If you can apologise to him.let him feel as the head of the family
    Am not saying he is right but for peace to reign
    May the peace of God almighty be with you and your family

  16. Both of you need to give yourself some space… I don’t think he loves you. Because a man who loves you would respect you… Right now. You need to both find yourself

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