HomeAdviceMy Cousin Needs Advise:She Was Deceived Into This Relationship=Pt 2

My Cousin Needs Advise:She Was Deceived Into This Relationship=Pt 2

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Editor’s Note:

Click here for part 1 of the story.What do you think this young lady should do?

Part 2

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She told me she had told the boyfriend that she had refrained from any sort of relationship so she can concentrate on her studies and get married to a good man who would respect her..She said he had praised her for remaining a virgin up till 21 and that he was proud of her , she said they had already made plans to come see her parents before they became intimate.

Not knowing he only had plans of making her a second wife at 22 years. She had to leave school because she was too heartbroken. She was with me until she put to bed last year July to a baby boy.

We managed to invite her mum who lives in Ondo and no other member of my family knows. I advised her to tell him to start up a business for her since her admission in school has been referred until we find a way to inform her dad properly.

She said he asked her what would happen if he spends all that money and she decides not to marry him.. Please what kind of a heartless man meets a young naive girl lies to her, makes her work for him without payment, gets her to abort her first pregnancy, deflowers her, makes her dropout of school and pretends to want to start up a family with her when he already has a one ,gets her pregnant the second time and wants her to abort again if not her insistence not to…

Also Read >>  My Husband Is In Love With Another Woman-Please Advise Me

And still claims to love her??Please I really need your advice… am at my wits ends… I don’t know what to do.What can I advise my her to do???She’s disappointed and heartbroken,,,

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She has a child out of wedlock for a married man.She’s lost everything she labored for…  she doesn’t even want to live anymore. I can’t talk to anyone I know cos she has sworn me to secrecy…

Please she really needs help before she does something critical. I’ve tried counseling, I’ve tried ministers who insisted she should marry him since it’s biblical that a man must marry any woman he dis-virgins … but this man is heartless .I don’t want my sister with him

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She can never be a second wife to any man. She’s too precious for that.Please just help me if you can. please overlook and forgive any typo error … am really stressed.I wanted to reassure myself I was giving the right counsel.

I don’t want her to have regrets later in life as a result of my personal beliefs. This man has refused to let her be, he has refused to let go.He calls incessantly, he doesn’t just want to give up, he believes they belong together.

How do I get him off her back?Can she accept financial assistance from him concerning her education since he made her stop initially?

How can she convince him to start up something for her at least for the security of her child?

 

Anonymous Lively Stones Member
Photo Credit:Ynaija

 

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My Cousin Needs Advise:She Was Deceived Into This Relationship=Pt 2
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

11 COMMENTS

    • 1,let her father knows the issue on ground and ask for his forgiveness and let him know she has disappointed him.
      2,let her cut any issue of relationship with the man.
      3,there is a big task ahead for her on how to take care of the child and her education.
      4,Go back to God and hand over all to him,he will show mercy.

  1. Please stay away from him
    And right now keeping secrets won’t help her. She need to heal and she have to move a away from that environment. She can’t be a second wife, as long as you’re with his kid he will keep coming and will use that as a way to get to you, the only thing he owes you is to support in taking care of the child, his the Father and have to take part of the responsibility but for now let her stay away from him till she’s emotionally stable. Yes she made mistake and everyone does, she should rise up and move on, better days ahead.

  2. Hello,
    Tell your cousin to sit her parent down and tell them all that happened from the scratch, she can’t hide this forever and the earlier the better.

    She needs to leave that relationship because the man is married already and make the man understand this, she doesn’t need to force the man to take responsibility of her or the child….if the man agreed to take responsibility or assist her with money for business it’s fine if not
    she should just leave him and move on with her life.
    What happened to her is not new under the heaven.
    She will need to drop the baby for her parent maybe after a year and go back to school, she needs to think of what to do that can be fetching her money to cater for her education and the child so that she wouldn’t make same mistake again.

    Regards.

  3. Wow….na wa oooo…
    See your cousin needs to inform her parents about everything…fine they’ll be upset and disappointed but then they’re her parents, they won’t cast her out, they will even help her take care of the child. Then she needs to relocate, move away from that man, start her life afresh. She doesn’t need him communicating with her, if he has anything for his child, let him speak to her parents. She needs to dust herself up and make her life meaningful again, she should go back to school or start a business, whichever one, but knowing that in the nearest future, when she looks back, she’ll be proud of her accomplishments.
    See this is life, shit happens, but do not let whatever hold you down!

  4. Your cousin needs to take the bull by the horns by
    1. Telling her parents EVERYTHING that transpired between her and the said man with someone her parents respect leading her
    2. Telling the man off by all means possible and rejecting every and any gift from him but mandating him to take care of the child with monthly stipend from him, if possible through court or welfare!
    3. Brace up, go back to school and finish up!
    4. Live a life devoid of rancor and hate! Abstain from premarital s*x for now and tell her parents not to entertain the man for anything other than taking care of his child

  5. I always say this. “Anything done in secrecy doesn’t end well”. Your friend caused all these problems by keeping things away from you and her family. She will make it worse if she doesn’t want to come clean. Her mother knowing about it, is not enough. Let her father know too. I’m sure once her father knows, it won’t be a secret thing again in the family.

    Then after knowing about the issue, her family should help her to raise up the kid for now. She should go back to school and complete her education. She doesn’t need a business for now. Unless she can handle the business perfectly while studying at the same time, then she can go ahead an ask the married man to assist her with that. The man should either support her education financially or raise capital for the business, if he can’t financially support the two together.

    Then about the child, he must definitely take care of the welfare of that boy. If he doesn’t want to take care of him, he should be taken to court. I’m sure he wouldn’t want that, so use that to threaten him if he doesn’t want to.

    Finally, she should forget about continuing the relationship with that man. Someone that could lie blatantly like that, wouldn’t be a good fit for her, even as a second wife. The man will still definitely cheat and might later abandon her. She should wise up now and put an end to that relationship and only be getting welfare assistance from him.

    It is well !!!

  6. She need to tell Ber parents all that happened and also seek for their advice. But she should not go back to him after all these molestations because this is totally wickedness

  7. Hello Madam,

    Your cousin does not need to make another mistake because she had a baby for a married man.

    That man deceived her…how do you even trust him after this?

    Your parents have to be involved. Both families have to meet. The man has to be made to take up financial responsibilities of the child by sending regular income to an account set up for the upkeep of the child.

    Your sister should go back to school and pick up from where she stopped. Her mother should help look after the child.

    She should not even think of being a second wife. That is a big mistake and she will regret it of she does that.

    Just days ago,we ran two stories of young women who got involved with married men…the best they have become are baby mamas and s*x slaves to these men. These men will never leave their wives. That is for sure.

    Why settle to become second class when she still has a bright future ahead of her.

    She just needs your family support and she will be fine.

    Cheers.

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