HomeAdviceNobody Cares About This Marriage So Why Do I Feel This Bad?

Nobody Cares About This Marriage So Why Do I Feel This Bad?

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Hi,

I saw your write up on Facebook about talking to someone who you can trust….

After been married for 9 years,maybe with my looks or with change in taste,both of us have grown apart. For us, been married is just about raising our kids,running our career and business. Our s*x life is more like a car routine maintenance. Not because I do not want s* but because my husband has developed low s*x drive.

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He was diagnosed with a condition with 5 years ago. We both thought it was the drugs he was using that was responsible for his low s*x drive but the doctors say he should be able to enjoy s*x like an average man. They think its psychological that my husband is having a low drive yet he says he does not need help.

No,I do not think he is cheating. Well,if he is,what is the woman getting cos he can barely last 55 seconds during s*x. He says its the effect of the drugs he is using. At my age,I have discovered my s*xual needs and since I am not getting it,masturbation and toys have been my saving grace.

Up until this lock down. Because we are both forced to be indoors all through,I cannot  hide like I used to do to use my toys or masturbate to ease my urges. Its been very frustrating for me. On his part,my husband gets high just working on his laptop all day and all night. I suspect he watches porn but I have never caught him.

Anytime I try to initiate s*x its just for another sloppy 55 seconds. Well,I cant blame him but he is not even trying to make an effort. The doctors say the drugs are not that bad but he says its the drug…I am tired. I have told him to use  herbs and other solutions that people have recommended to help him last longer. I even bought some for him. He pretty much said he is not interested.

When I threatened to cheat,he told me to go ahead and stop disturbing his life. That will I be the first woman to cheat on her husband…To be honest, I was only saying that out of frustration,not being serious but  I never knew a day would come when I would make that threat come to life. It happened exactly two weeks ago. That was the 4th week of the lock down.

Also Read >>  Everything I Did Was To Help My Family But My Husband Is Accusing Me Of Betraying Him
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While I was shopping in the local supermarket,I was picking up a few items when my shopping cart bumped into a young man. He apologized even though I thought it was my fault. He later assisted me with my bags to the car and asked for my number. The stars must have been shinning on me. Why would a young man be asking for my number?

No one has flirted with me in a long time. I gave him my number and he quickly buzzed me. That evening,he chatted with me. And he asked me for a job. Said he felt bad for asking me for such favour …said something about lock down affecting his business,apparently,he is an Uber driver.

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I asked what can of job he can do:he said laundry or car washing or anything I wanted. I asked him if he was married,he looked around 27 or so. He is not married. I told him to give me his address since he lived alone. That is how I have been seeing this guy for a week plus.

I do not know what has happened to me. But the s*x I am getting is ruining my ability to think right. This boy is really good. We agreed on a friends with benefit deal. I pay him to have s*x with me until after the lock down.

I feel alive for the first time in almost 5 years. My husband does not care that I cheat..he does not even ask me care…I think he knows what am doing and frankly does not care …so…so why am I feeling bad about this..

Maybe its because I am slowly loosing my mind and sense of dignity. Yes,s*x is not everything. But when someone gives it to you so good..it feels like an addiction…do I have an addiction? what is wrong with me..I need some help and I am afraid of who to talk to…

Hide my name please. If only this lock down didn’t have to be this long…maybe I would have focused on something more productive.Right now,all I think of is being in  this boys’s arms.

God have mercy on me…..is this even illegal seeing that my husband does not care…please advise me

 

Anonymous Mail

 

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Nobody Cares About This Marriage So Why Do I Feel This Bad?
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

12 COMMENTS

  1. Hmmm,this is bad but cheating is not the way out even if your husband is nonchalant. It will come back to haunt you. What if this guy is recording your s*xcapades with the aim to blackmail you later? What if he has your nudes?
    See a therapist or a counselor to help deal with the issues. Maybe your husband is deeply depressed and dealing with inner conflicts.
    Wish you the best.

  2. Hmmmm, the grace of God will help you. I can sense how you are feeling but never condemn yourself go to God ask for forgiveness and grace. God will help you.

  3. This sounds like a really complicated situation…how would feel if you knew your husband was cheating on you? What do you think this means for you, and for the other parties involved? What do you hope will come out of this once the lockdown is over? I would suggest couples therapy, and then you really have to stop seeing that guy. There is no excuse for infidelity in marriage. Also pray for your husband and your marriage, ask your husband and God for forgiveness and also ask God for the strength to see you through.
    All the best!

  4. Hello Madam,
    Cheating is not an option, sit your husband down and have a good discussion that can help both, is either your husband is depressed or he’s going through something he can’t discuss with you.
    No man would tell his wife to go ahead with cheating… definitely some things is not right with him.

    You and your husband can to hospital for proper check up to be sure what the problem is, by that time you can be sure if the problem is from drugs or it’s another issue that need proper attention.

    Regards.

  5. I believe your husband needs a therapist, you also need to stop seeing the young guy. Ask God for forgiveness because I believe you need to make things right so as to enjoy your home again.

  6. That is very dangerous for you involving your self in extra marital affair. Don’t think your husband doesn’t know Cause no man will be happy when he knows his wife cheat when she is still under his roof. Pls stop this shameful act and ask for forgiveness from God. A Yoruba proverb says,someone we want to fry and eat and s/he is using petrol to rub her body, BECAREFUL.
    About your husband issue you know his weak point,use his weak point to talk to him on why he needs helps.Am much sure he will respond except you be kind of proud person that does not know how to talk to her husband in a submissive way.

  7. As long as you feel neglected and bad for what your husband is doing… Then to start another affair just because you really couldn’t hold your s*xual urge.. I recommend you both see a therapist and also a s*x coach… And there are many good ones… But sincerely don’t think cheating is the best thing to do.. It will really have its consequences..

  8. Just because your husband doesn’t satisfy you doesn’t justify you cheating on him. It is a terrible thing for a married woman to do. Ask God for forgiveness and stop going out to see that guy. If he calls or chats you up, reject it. It will even be better if you block his number from calling and texting you. Doing that will assist you in fighting this addiction. Because if u keep going there, if you keep meeting this young guy, you will always end the meeting with s*x. So the best way to avoid that is to stop meeting him.

    I guess you have talked to your husband about his issue and he is insistent that it is the drug. Since that’s the case, let him try a therapist instead of a doctor, because It is not normal for a man to be so low in self esteem to ask you to go out and cheat on him. You could both go together, cos you also need one now that u are getting addicted to something else. Then try to force him to take seriously using of those herbs and other solutions.

    It is well !!!

  9. Sister, cheating is not the solution here. Your feeling guilty because your a married woman who is going outside her vows and in dignifying her husband.
    End this affaire and go back to your husband. If he is watching open find out which videos he is watching to figure out what he wants.
    The secret of making a man last is in doing different things. When he is about to release while he is inside you change positions or if your giving him heads or a handjob stop focusing on his penis and kiss him or focuse on other parts of his body.
    Why do you hide to play with your toys and Masturbate? Do it in front of him. Let him watch. Let him do it to you. There are so many ways he can please you WITHOUT him entering you.
    Explore new things together.

  10. Hello Madam,

    Its a pity the situation with your s*x life but is marriage all about s*x alone? What about friendship and companionship and empathy and kindness and growing old together?

    Your husband’s refusal to talk about his low s*x drive shows there is something wrong…like the doctors said…it maybe psychological…it maybe depression or a mental disorder…your husband needs help.

    Please stop seeing that young man…there are other ways of pleasuring yourself in marriage apart from penetrative s*x. Talk to you husband. You both need to see a clinical psychologist and possibly a s*x therapist.

    If he refuses to get help….pray for him but you do not desecrate your wedding vows until death do you part.

    What if he were disabled…does this give you a good reason to cheat? He may not mind you cheating but marriage is not just between two people…God is involved…will God be happy with you?

    That is why you feel guilty..God is not pleased….and your husband needs your help,support and understanding….

    Your children are watching too…are you being a good role model to them?

    I hope you make the right choice.

    God bless you

  11. Although the situation is bad, I do not subscribe to cheating! The worst part is that your husband is non chalant about it! Prayer won’t solve it all on this but I believe it’ll help convince him to seek a more lasting solution to the problem at hand. It is well with you

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