I need advise. Please hide my name. I am a single mother of 3 children. I married my secondary school sweet heart at the age of 20. I actually got pregnant and I thought we were going to leave happily ever after. Our marriage lasted for 6 years.
Throughout that six years,it was full of abuse,violence and ugliness. Maybe because both of us were young. Things were also not ok for us financially. Love was not enough. We were always in debt. We lived from hand to mouth.
Eventually,I had to send my children to live with his parents. We were thrown out of our apartment for late payment of rent. My husband was cheating on me and on top that,he would beat me and say I am the cause of all these misfortunes.
The last straw that broke the camel’s back was when I walked in on my husband sleeping with my friend who I borrowed money from. Apparently,my husband was sleeping with her for money too. I was heartbroken. I filed for a divorce and one year later,I was a free woman.
Since that time,I have vowed never to depend on a man for anything. Thank God,I got a new job after a year. I have been saving money. I also have started my beauty shop business which is growing gradually. My mission is to be a very independent woman.
So,all the men that have been coming for me,I refuse to listen to any of them because I am not ready financially. My next marriage,I will have my own money. I will be rich so even if the man does not give me,I will be fine. I have suffered enough. I do not wish to repeat my mistakes again.
Since then,I have dated a few guys…nothing serious. Until I met Wale (not real name). A very fine man. Quiet and kind. We met about 7 months ago. We were just friends initially until he began to ask for something more. I told him I was not ready so he said lets just take it slow. From taking it slow, Wale and I have become inseparable.
He is my biggest fan and support. He is ok financially. He loves my children and his family is cool with me. Mine too. However,with my past,I know anything can change and so I stick to my vow not to get married until I am financially stable by my own standards.
Wale thought he could change my mind,he told me he loved me and proposed to me. My heart was telling me to say yes but my head was reminding me of the truama I went through for 6 years. I told him to give me time. I told him I was not ready.
Wale became withdrawn from me. I thought it was for the best. Maybe he is not the one. I am 28 years old. I need a foundation I can count on. I have 3 children to provide for. I cannot marry and throw my future to a man. Now, Wale is asking that we take a break. I agreed.
That is where I have a serious problem. I miss him so much. I called and texted him. He replied that I should not bother to reach him. That he wants me and if I was not ready,I should not give him false hopes by leading him on. I miss him terribly. I do not want to do. Its harder not to miss him especially in this lock down.
Everyone thinks I should give him a chance. I have known him for just 7 months. How do I know this will work when the person I knew for more than 10 years betrayed me? The fear I feel when I think of what money made me and my ex husband do keeps ringing in my head. My husband slept with my friend. He beat me. I can never let that happen anymore.
But I also cannot stop missing Wale. I am frustrated and need someone to talk to. Please advise me.