Home Advice His Family Never Approved Of Me:They Want To Control Our Marriage

His Family Never Approved Of Me:They Want To Control Our Marriage

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Hello,

I am currently having some difficulty in my marriage because of my husband’s family and their weird beliefs. We are Christians but his family attend a church that belief so may things are sin. Like for example,they do not agree to blood transfusion,CS and many other things.

So because of this,the family especially their dad refused to allow us get married. We dated for 5 years and they still refused. I told my husband,then,my boyfriend to leave me but he refused. He forced his parents to accept me.

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Now,after marriage,they still want to control us. My husband believes some of their church doctrine but not all. I try not to quarrel about some of these things but it gets me angry so much. Throughout ,my first pregnancy,I prayed to God to let me have a normal delivery cos I know his people will not agree to CS.

As God will have it,my baby was so big and there was no option but CS. My husband was reluctant but I told my mother to sign for me if he refused to sign. When he saw my mother was going to sign,he now agreed. My baby weighed 5.4kg.

Because I gave birth through CS,my mother in-law never visited us. No one from his family came to see us. I felt bad but I am happy they are keeping their distance cos their negative energy is too much.

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I also gave birth to my second child and again,it was through CS. My husband’s people are saying all kinds of weird things and I refuse to listen to them but I notice its affecting my husband. He used to say our children needs prayers because of the way they were born via CS…I say they do not need any prayers..nothing spiritual about CS.

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This matter has been a subject of argument in our marriage. When the children don’t do well,maybe in school or something,my husband will say its cos of the fact that prayers have not been done for them.

The children are now 5 and 3. My husband  has said no more children if its going to be by CS. That is fine by me,God has given me one boy,one girl. What else am I looking for.

The problem now is that , my husband is planning to take my children to their family church for prayers for years now but I have refused. That is causing quarrel in my marriage. They are calling me stubborn ,that I want to take over my husband. They say that is why they don’t want me to marry their son.

Now,my husband is saying I am proving that his family is right. That what is wrong in going for prayers in their family church? I do not like that idea. My church does not believe that. My husband sef does not go to church regularly…how on earth does he even believe that CS is spiritual and will affect my children?

How do I stop this rubbish. He says after the lock-down,he will take the children to their family church…insisting he is the head of the home that no one can stop him…what do I do to stop him and avoid him seeing me as trying to dominate him as the husband or head of our house?

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Please advise me….

 

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His Family Never Approved Of Me:They Want To Control Our Marriage
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

15 COMMENTS

  1. Madam you have to thread carefully. You knew all this and still married him. May I ask his level of education?
    You have to find a way to convince him without being agressive. If not carry your cross or watch the marriage crumble.

  2. I’m just thinking, Is it not better to marry someone who shares the same religious belief with you?
    I learnt of a lady that died because the husband religious group is against blood transfusion.
    In 1985 when I was about getting married, I ensured that I got a lady that David9 talked about in song*She no designers , she no Versace coz my religious group do not accept it.
    What’s take ?

  3. Madam thank you so much for reaching out.i believe that you are willing to receive sound counsel. Truth is that we are Africans and Nigerians in particular. Our concept of marriage and family stability is varied from the European concept. We believe and rightly too that men are to provide leadership in the home while the woman supports actively. On religious issues, where conflicts exists , when the children are not yet grown, up to take independent decisions the opinion of the father takes precedence. The day you accepted to marry your husband, was the you submitted to his authority over religious issues. Thank God you had your CS successfully. That was a very critical condition with associated legal implications because it involves life and death. On the issue of taking the children for prayers, madam obey your husband. If your own church don’t believe that you can later take them to your church to nullify their own” prayers”. A matured woman uses wisdom and diplomacy when her views contradicts with that of her husband. If you have a better religion show it by your conduct. You don’t openly dare your husband authority the way you are doing. Even when you feel that you are right.you need emotional intelligence, humble spirit and submissive spirit to win this matter.
    Take pain to win the confidence of your in-laws despite the religious difference. You and your children needs them. You have a wonderful husband don’t turn him into an enemy. How is your prayer life and Bible study life, not just claiming church.
    Be a wise woman and build your home. Don’t destroy your home with your hands. Thanks and remain blessed.

  4. Hmm! Some Christian sects won’t cease to amaze me! Since you married him seeing all these compounded palaver, be ready to accept and endure till the end! Above all, pray specially for your hubby, tell God to take total control of him and your children, that God should shield them no matter what the enemy does to them.

  5. Hello madam,
    Allow your husband to take the children for the prayer for peace to reign.

    You need God’s wisdom handle this and never relent in prayer.

    Stay blessed.

  6. Hi,

    This is tough. Surely,you knew marrying someone against their parents wish was not going to be a walk in the park.

    What you need is wisdom and patience. You need to pray about this and ask God to help you turn your husband’s heart towards you so he can stop this plan of taking tour kids for prayers.

    Or you can let him take them but counter whatever prayers that they have made that could have hurt the children in any way.

    This is not going to be an easy marriage. You need alot of wisdom dear. And God’s guidance in dealing with issues regarding your husband’s family because this is not going to be their last attempt.

    If you do not apply wisdom,it would eventually get out of hand and that marriage could be over before you know it.

    This is what you signed up for: continuous prayers and continuous wisdom.diplomacy in this marriage. Until you win your husband completely on your side…if that is possible.

    Wish you all the best.

  7. You signed up for this right from the moment you got married together. By doing so, you accept to handle & let the differences in church beliefs to come into effect in your married life and you also accept to live in your marital home with less love from your husband’s family. Both are red flags to use in ending a dating relationship before getting married but by knowing all these and still getting married to him, it means you felt you have the courage to go through anything that comes your way over the issues I listed above.

    So therefore, have the courage to let this slide. You can’t win this one. Your husband’s church will, from time to time, take your children away to pray for them. You can’t and should stop fighting him over it. This is not about him being the man of the house but you going against his own beliefs. Why did you marry him if you were not going to be agreeing to this? Imagine this too. What if it was your own church that said you should do such a thing, will you say no to your own church? So this is about his church, you have to let him take his children there and let them pray for your kids. If you want to and you are allowed to go, then feel free to follow them to join them in prayers.

    Then after praying for them in that church, you can take them back to your own church to pray for them again.

    Know this about your married life of yours. You must be prayerful all the time. Pray for peace and well-being of your family (you, your husband and your children). And don’t ever try to fight the religious beliefs (to let peace be reigning most of the time) except the ones you and your husband are both against.
    Be strong dear. May God help you.

    It is well !!!

  8. Pray to God to work on your husbands heart, untill then, you have to listen and submit to him as regards the church issue. He loves you but if you thread in the part of sturboness, you will turn is heart against you. Be wise, God bless you.

  9. Let your husband take the children for the prayers and you just back the children with your prayer too. Obey him and don’t let this bring problems in your marriage
    He is the head of the family.

  10. You signed up for all of these… Compatibility has to be looked at before venturing into marriage. As it is now. It is tough. Because your husband has been brainwashed to that belief. And on your side… You don like the belief… I wish you good luck

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