I can’t remember the first time that I heard this particular quote by a man named Don Schrader but, ever since I did, it has been something that I have brought up to church folks (especially the super churchy ones) whenever the topic of s*x comes up. He once said, “To hear many religious people talk, one would think that God created the torso, head, legs and arms, but the devil slapped on the genitals.”
Whew and I’m sayin’. I get so tired of so many religious folks acting like s*x is something that shouldn’t be discussed when one, we are s*xual beings (our s*xuality is a part of our spirituality) and two, the Bible has plenty to say on the topic. And, when it comes to the Word, if there is a recurring point and theme, it’s that husbands and wives should be having lots and lots of s*x. Period.
As far as the Scriptural basis for marital s*x, probably the automatic go-to verse is Hebrews 13:4 (NKJV). It says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” There are layers to all of this, so let’s just focus on what comes before the semicolon for now; even then, one word that is in it: undefiled. It’s important that undefiled is taken into context.
It doesn’t mean that just because two people are married that they can just do…whatever. It means that the marriage bed is pure and pure means “free from anything of a different, inferior, or contaminating kind”. So y’all, if you are married, it’s important to always keep in mind that, when it comes to whatever you and your partner decide to do, it needs to be something that won’t contaminate (harm) your relationship.
This biblical instruction is not something that any one person can decide on their own; both parties have to come to a mutual decision on what those acts are.
Yet once you did come to some common s*xual ground, your s*x life really should be on and poppin’ on a regular and consistent basis. If you’d like a few extra Scriptures to support why I emphatically say that, I’ve got five for you to ponder.
- “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence.”—Genesis 2:24-25 (AMPC)
There’s a reason why I chose to go with the word “erotic” over something that might seem more subdued like, perhaps, sensual in the title of this piece. Sensual speaks of being carnal, fleshly and having a “lack moral restraints”.
Quite frankly, I think that is a big problem with Bible followers and how they process the topic of s*x; they see it through the eyes of being sensual rather than being erotic—”arousing or satisfying s*xual desire” and “s*xual love”.
Personally, that’s why I also think a lot of people who grew up in the Church struggle with the very clear instruction that is found in Genesis 2; they feel naked and ashamed because the Church has a tendency to focus more on s*xual sin than the beauty of the gift of s*x for married people.
If you add that to the fact that a lot of folks struggle with their body image…it’s no wonder that many husbands and wives are biblically disobedient. Disobedient how? Well, the Word clearly states that a husband and his wife, whenever they are naked in each other’s presence, they are not to be embarrassed (be uncomfortably self-conscious) or ashamed (unwilling or restrained because of fear of shame, ridicule, or disapproval).
Man, imagine how much the s*x lives of couples all over the world would change for the better, if spouses got this point down alone? If they realized that God never intended for a husband and wife to be naked and ashamed when it comes to how they feel in each other’s presence or when it comes to the act of s*x itself. Talk about gettin’—and stayin’—free.
- “Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well. Should your offspring be dispersed abroad as water brooks in the streets? [Confine yourself to your own wife] let your children be for you alone, and not the children of strangers with you. Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth.
- Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]—let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love. Why should you, my son, be infatuated with a loose woman, embrace the bosom of an outsider, and go astray?”—Proverbs 5:15-20 (AMPC)
I’ve shared the story before about a pastor and his wife who once got on the pulpit to talk about how they don’t participate in oral s*x while also sharing that they don’t really get why anyone else would want to either. It was hilarious what the first lady’s mother said in response, “Well, that’s you and your house.”
Indeed. Not to get super deep into theology or anything, but there are some religions (and Christian denominations) that denounce oral pleasure because they believe that s*x is solely for the purpose of procreation (you know, thanks to the whole “be fruitful and multiply” thing—Genesis 1:26-28).
Yeah, I don’t get that, since Adam and Eve were given s*xual instructions in the Garden of Eden but didn’t conceive kids until after they were out of it (Genesis 4). And what about couples who don’t want children or, for whatever the reason, can’t have any?
Besides, I’m assuming that church leadership knows what a cistern is. But, just for safe measure, it’s defined as being “a reservoir, tank, or container for storing or holding water or other liquid” and “a reservoir or receptacle of some natural fluid of the body”. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anyone who is married to an Aquafina water bottle, so that leaves vaginas.
And when it comes to the “let her bosom satisfy you” part? I also don’t know any man who has gotten a woman pregnant by rubbing on her breasts and Scripture is clearly all about husbands enjoying their wife’s breasts too (check out Live Science’s “New Theory on Why Men Love Breasts” sometime).
Finally, if you add to all of this the fact that there are all sorts of benefits that come from fellatio and cunnilingus—you get why I write articles on here like “What?! Only 35 Percent Of Men Go Down? Say It Ain’t So.”, “Are You Ready To Amp Up Your Oral S*x Game? Try This.” and “Do You Swallow? The Unexpected Health Benefits Of Sperm” without reservation, hesitation or apology.
Oral s*x is a blessing. The Bible says so. Married folks, don’t miss out.
- “Behold, you are handsome, my beloved! Yes, pleasant! Also, our bed is green.”—Song of Solomon 1:16 (NKJV)
This, hands down, is one of my favorite verses in the Bible when it comes to cultivating s*xual intimacy. While on the surface, it might not seem like much, take a moment to look deeper. First of all, the Bible was translated out of the Hebrew language and the Hebrew word for beloved is “yadid” (or yedid). It also means favorite and desired.
While many of us aren’t—or won’t be—virgins on our wedding night, something that we can definitely strive to be with our spouse is their s*xual favorite. Something else that we can—and should—do is want to make them feel like we desire them. That we crave them. That we long for them. That they are able to ignite s*xual urges within us that no one on this planet can.
There’s more, though. Our bed is green. Green is a dope color. It’s not just the color of nature (which is where Adam and Eve were created in), it also symbolizes health, harmony, safety, growth and fertility. The very first time that I read this verse, I was like, “If I ever get married, I’m getting some green bedding, fa sho.”
So married people, even if you only decide to go with a plant, consider also putting something green in your bedroom. It can serve as a reminder that your marriage bed is holistically healthy—emotionally, spiritually, s*xually and otherwise.
- “His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me.”—Song of Solomon 2:6 (NKJV)
I don’t know how many times and, on how many platforms, I have shared that, when it comes to the problems that husbands and wives bring to me, 90 percent of them are directly connected to s*xual dissatisfaction on some level. Some are not having s*x as much as they would like.
Others say that they never have time for s*x . Others don’t realize that things like boredom, not emotionally connecting throughout the day, and a lack of “landscaping” are doing all sorts of damage to their s*xual relationship
The reasons are endless. Yet, the one thing that all of the explanations have in common is, when a husband and wife are physically able to have s*x and aren’t, it’s not healthy for a relationship. Not only that but, more times than not, the “unhealthiness” is going to manifest in other areas of the marriage too.
That’s why I think that this verse of the Bible is important. It’s mostly due to the word “embrace”.
Embracing your spouse is not just about giving them a hug. It’s also about receiving them gladly and eagerly, accepting them willingly and making yourself available to them. This one simple sentence speaks volumes to the fact that when you’re married, it’s important to make your spouse a top priority and to want them to feel desired in a physical and s*xual way.
It’s also a reminder that if this doesn’t resonate with you, it’s a good idea to do some deep soul searching as to why…because embracing your partner should be a given, not a special occasion occurrence in a marital union.
- “The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights (goodwill, kindness, and what is due her as his wife), and likewise the wife to her husband…Do not refuse and deprive and defraud each other [of your due marital rights], except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves unhindered to prayer. But afterwards resume marital relations, lest Satan tempt you [to sin] through your lack of restraint of s*xual desire.”—I Corinthians 7:3&5 (AMPC)
There are a lot of great things about this particular Scripture. The very first sentence is a reminder that God expects married people to have s*x; that it is a marital responsibility, of both a husband and a wife. From there, peep how the Bible states that not having s*x (except for mutual reasons) is an act of deprivation and even defrauding your partner. To deprive is “to remove or withhold something from the enjoyment” and to defraud is “to cheat”.
According to the Word itself, consciously going without s*x is a form of withholding enjoyment and cheating your partner out of something that they are supposed to get out of their marital relationship. Not only that but, when someone decides to do that, the Bible says that it gives Satan (dark forces), the ability to tempt you and/or your partner. Tempt means “to entice or allure to do something often regarded as unwise, wrong, or immoral”.
I can’t tell you how many times someone (usually it’s a wife) has told me that they are ready to end their marriage either because their spouse had an emotional or physical affair.
When I ask how long it’s been since they’ve had s*x and I get something like, “It’s not a priority to me” or “I haven’t been in the mood”, and that’s been the case for months on end, and then I refer the person to these verses in the Word, it’s kind of crazy how they immediately get triggered.
Again, s*x is not just a want in a marriage; it’s a need. It’s a staple. As the Message Version of I Corinthians 6:16 states, “There’s more to s*x than mere skin on skin. S*x is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one.'”
S*x is an act that spiritually makes two people one and, remember that in Genesis 2, the Bible says that a husband and wife are to embark upon the lifelong journey of “becoming one”. So yes, every time that a married couple has s*x, “oneness” transpires.
Oneness means “a strong feeling of closeness or affinity; union” and “unity of thought, feeling, belief, aim, etc.; agreement; concord” and “sameness”. No wonder, even God’s Word not only recommends but instructs that married couples get it in as often as possible!
It’s not just about physical pleasure (although that is indeed a part of it). It’s also about doing what reminds them that they are to have a strong feeling of closeness to each other, that they are to get into a state of unity and agreement, that they are to get onto the same page, as much as possible. And s*x? It’s an act that helps to make all of this possible.
These are just five verses. Trust me, if there was more time and space, I could go on (and on and on and on). But I’m hoping that if you are a married Bible follower that you take these verses extremely seriously.
And, if you’re not, that maybe you’ll see the Bible, as it relates to s*x between a husband and wife, in a different light. As the Message Version of Hebrews 13:4 says, “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of s*xual intimacy between wife and husband.” Marital intimacy is beyond dope. Make sure that you do.
Photo Credit:Good House Keeping