Home Advice Why Do I Always Attract The Wrong Type Of Men-Please Advise

Why Do I Always Attract The Wrong Type Of Men-Please Advise

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Hello ma,

My name is Tega (Not real name). I need your advise. Please hide my ID. I am 28 years old and I have never been lucky in love. I grew up in a very rough environment and a very dysfunctional home.

My mother left me and my brothers with father who was never available. It was many years of trying to survive with our step mother and her horrible children. I got really exposed to all kinds of vices at an early age. I used to get involved in fights,petty stealing,lying and all sorts of vices.

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One day,when I was 16,I was at my friend’s home when her father approached me to sleep with me and offer me money. I jumped at the offer cos I needed the money to feed. This man was my food ticket for almost one year until I got a boyfriend who took over from him at age 17.

I got pregnant at 17 and had an abortion. My boyfriend introduced me to prostitution and drugs. These were the dark days of my life for the next 3 years. A street preacher preached to me and that is how I changed my lifestyle. I had some money and went to learn hair dressing and beauty styling.

I met Mr. Chike,he was my boyfriend for 2 years. He was a married man so I was his mistress. His wife got to know and he dumped me.I met Jacob who promised to marry me after one year of dating. He eventually cheated and left me heartbroken. I was 25 years old. No love in my life. Every guy that came into my life just wants s*x and after a while,they leave.

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Last two years,I decided to turn my life around and not date anyone until I am sure it will lead to marriage. For someone exposed to s*x at an early age, it was not an easy decision. Remember my friend that the father deflowered me at 16? She was getting married and reached out to me to come for her wedding. She wanted me to do her make up and hair cos I am very good at what I do.

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I went to the wedding and that was how I met her brother,who is now a pastor. He was briefly married but his wife passed during a still child birth. He took a liking to me and I never gave him a chance for one bit but he kept on pursuing me. He is kind and smart and he is everything I need in a man.

Pastor U (I call him that for short) has helped me grow spiritually and I feel very loved for the very first time. The only problem is,he and his sister are not aware of the fact that their father was my lover for almost 1 year. Now,their father is old but very much aware of my relationship with his son.

Of course,he vehemently refused my marriage to his son. Called me a whore and a street brat. Pastor U has asked me to ignore him. But I fear that if he knows why his father is refusing our marriage,he will change his mind about me. What do I do? Do I walk away from Pastor U’s proposal or call the bluff of the father?

I have never enjoyed love in my life. Looks like I will never be able to find love cos my past may just be always there to catch up with me…if you are in my shoes,what will you…why do I always seem to attract the wrong men and the right one seems I cannot have…I need advise.

 

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Why Do I Always Attract The Wrong Type Of Men-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

21 COMMENTS

  1. Hello beloved,you are not the only who has been in this situation. Some persons were there and they overcame.
    They said HE that is down fears no fall. That is to say , you should open to Pastor why his father is refusing and let’s see what happens. That’s my advice for now.

  2. Let your fiance know what happened. Be honest and if he’s for you he’ll fight for you. The father was a pervert and he knew better than taking advantage of you back then.

  3. I advise that you tell your pastor friend about what happened between you and his father… And don’t start what promises to be beautiful if its survives this storm with a LIE!!!

  4. Hello

    You have to tell your finance the truth of the matter, because you can’t hide this forever.
    The man took advantage of you when he knew you will definitely give in because of the money…the did has been done.
    If your guy wish to continue with you after telling him the whole truth..fine but if not move on with your life, something bigger will surely come your way.

    Be prayerful and be determined.

    Stay Blessed.

  5. Let your man know about what happened,and if he really loves you ,He will fight for you,but in everything seek directions from God

  6. Please let the pastor U know about your past, don’t hide it from him cos if he finds out from someone else that will hurt him greatly, let him know if he leaves you, my sister someone dat will love you for you will come. It is not easy trust it is not but doing the right thing pays.. Wish u well

  7. I will advise you to walk away. Tell Pastor U the reason for your decision. If he truly loves you, he’ll stand up for you. Your husband will definitely come, just be patient.

  8. Forget about your past. Trust in the Lord and keep praying, God will change your story,as He changed that of the prostitute: Rahab in the Bible, who later became the great grand mother of our Lord Jesus.

  9. Tell pastor U about your past,if he’s comfortable with u no problems,but for his father God will help u see the end if your enemies,nothing is your fault your childhood was traumatized,you need deliverance and God to make u your way prosperous.Good luck sis I feel your pains

  10. You really need to sit pastor u down and have a long talk with him… He needs to understand that everything you did in your past were done at a time when you were trying to survive and you were in the world. I’m sure he’ll be understanding as he’s a pastor and he knows how old things are passed away as a new creature that you are now(I’m hoping this is your case though). Don’t let this information reach his hears from another source, so as he doesn’t get a wrong impression about the past life

  11. First off, I don’t want you to have the impression that you are always unlucky when it comes to love. Life happened and you were trying to get the best in your own way even at the thick of it. Yes you made wrong decisions but hey come off it and move on. Tell your Pastor U the truth, focus on your hand work and pray for God’s leading. You need to get closer to God also. God bless you.

  12. Hi dear, talk to Pastor U about it prayerfully and whatever comes out of it you accept and move on. Failing to do may haunt you in the nearest future. To be forearm they say, is to be forewarned. Cheers

  13. Hi!! I guess everyone had said it all, its better you tell pastor U, let him know d role his father played in your life and walk away. If you guys are meant to be together..he would call his father’s bluff and come for you but if its d oda way….then not to worry..your flesh of your flesh would locate you soonest

  14. Tell pastor U about you and his father and if he is yours you will be together
    Don’t think you are unlucky when it comes to love for all you have been through has thought you lessons and God will turn things around for your good
    Lean on God and He will never let you down

  15. My dear, you were beautifully and fearfully made. What ever you have gone through in life before now are just scars. From time to time, you will be seeing them but that shouldn’t weigh you down. Never lose your focus, hope and faith in God. Remain prayerful and your turning point in life will definitely come one day when you least expect it.

    I will advise you to call your current bf and tell him you want to see him personally. Then when you are alone, tell him you want to end the relationship. Definitely he will ask why, then tell him the truth. The whole truth and what made u to do it then. If he agrees, move on with your life. It won’t be easy but after a while, you get healed up and that would just be another scar in your life. Just make sure all these you are doing, you remain holy and prayerful. Good thing is coming your way. Never have doubt.

    There was a lady living in my street back then when I was still growing up, she was a street prostitute. Every guy in the street used to date her for s*x. She was an embarrassment in the street. But later on, she accepted to be holy and changed her ways. Anytime guys try to date her, after hearing her past, they will abandon her. This went on for two or three years, but she never stopped being faithful and holy. Suddenly, a guy came back to the neighbourhood from abroad, and met this sister. They started dating against his parents wish. When it was time for the guy to travel back, he took the sister along. One year later, the guy’s family that rejected the lady initially were now the one welcoming her with their son when they arrived back home. She was pregnant then. It was a great turning point story.

    So in your own case don’t give up. You are still young. So many things will still come or happen to you. Just remain prayerful that your turning point should come. Tell your bf and if he agrees or not, don’t lose your faith. Your own husband will come one day.

    It is well with you !!!

  16. Dear I must commend you for rising from the ashes and turning your life around. You were taken advantage of as a child in saner climes he should have been in jail for statutory rape.
    Sex with a minor is a crime so you are the victim here. So dont let anyone make you feel less human. Seek the face of God and confide in your man. If he is the one for you he will still love you no matter what. Please dont let anyone make you feel less human we all make mistakes

  17. Hello Dear,

    First, you need a new mindset. You have a victim mindset..victim mentality and with that type of mentality, you can never win in life.

    So sorry about your painful past but you survived your past because you are a victor…because you can win in life and you deserve to be happiest.

    If you ask me,forget all about your past including the man who’s father abused you for years.

    If you knew better at 16 or 17, you would not be sleeping with a friend’s father. He took advantage of your situation. He should not have but he did.

    Now,even if his son is madly in love with you…marrying his son will mean you will have that abuser as your father in-law for the rest of your life.

    You do not need a constant reminder of your past pain.

    Move on….do not marry him. God has better plans for you.

    You just need to have some faith in God and some serious self esteem.

    You may have been a prostitute before but now,you are a shinning star…and you deserve the sun and the moon. You deserve a good man and a good man will find you.

    Trust God….serve Him…focus on self development….be confident and resourceful….and a man who will help you live your best life will come for you.

    Be happy…be faithful…your best years of life are ahead of you…the storm is truly over.

    God bless you.

  18. Open up to the pastor, don’t hide anything from him. I pray God will heal your pain and grant you ur heart desire.

  19. Tell the pastor. But you must know that what you did in your past has consequences. Even at that. Open up to him and lead a good life glorifying God. And he would show you his infinite mercy

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