I need help. I messed up my life. I do not know what is wrong with me. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. We planned to get married this year before all these lock down wahala came up.
Since the lock down,we have been arguing alot and I think I have pushed him too far. He just broke up with me and I do not know if he will ever forgive me. It all started actually before the lock down. I noticed he was not calling me to check up on me like he used to do.
When I asked him why,he would say his job. His job that he has been at for more than 4 years. How come its now that its so tough for him to call me. To the extent that even weekends,I hardly see him. He will say he is at work.
He explained that the office was carrying out a project that requires everyone to give more and more of their time. I could not understand. I began to suspect him. Maybe he was cheating. I felt he was less and less concerned about me as the day went by.
Yes,he would call but I did not feel like I was the first priority for him. His job was. I did not want to end up in a marriage like that. I thought that is how its supposed to be. The worst was when he even cancelled on a visit to my parents place. Even though he called my parents to apologize,I felt like he was truly loosing interest in me.
And then came the lock down. Fine,he works in a company that is regarded among essential services. But to think that he went to work every day of the lock down,made me really mad. The weekend he came,we fought cos I told him he was not trying hard to fix our relationship cos I feel we are drifting apart.
Well,he apologized to me,asked me to bear with him as he was having a hard time at work. So, I said ok but he should tell me what is going on so I do not get worked up when I don’t hear from him or see him.
Again,he called less. I was frustrated. I stopped picking his calls when he eventually calls. Then one day,he sent me a text saying I am being insensitive. That really angered me. I called him some names that I did not really mean. That really hurt him ma. He sent a text to say,if I really can insult him that way,then its best for us to go our separate ways.
I told him fine. For a week,he and I did not speak. I went to his place last Sunday evening.He did not return until 9pm. I was actually shocked and very emotional. I cried and told him that he has changed and I know he is cheating on me. Like who goes to work on sunday and return by 9pm.
That was when he dropped the bomb. He told me that his office was downsizing and his name was in the list to be sent away too but he pleaded with his boss to let him do 3 peoples’ job. So they let him stay on and that is why he has been working so hard at work.
By this time,my fiance was truly hurt and told me to leave his house. That he is under alot of pressure from work and does not think he is ready to get married now or even marry someone who will not understand the pressure he is going through.
That is how my 3 year old relationship ended. I have tried to beg him but he says he is not ready to talk about it. Its been very hard for me to be patient with him. His silence is killing me. I do not know what to do. How do I be a better partner to him,how do I show him I can be supportive and understanding…
Especially now that he says he is not ready for marriage…should I still be waiting for him to be stable or walk away..why would he say that to me in the first place. Is his job enough reason not to want to get married now? Maybe he is truly loosing interest in me…maybe there is some girl giving him more attention than me…
Tell me,have I ruined my relationship…is it all my fault or is he just trying to break up with me…what should I do?
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