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I Want To Get Married But That Means I Have To Wait For 9 Years

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My late husband and I were not in good terms when he passed. I mean,he was odogwu (a chief) and as a wealthy and handsome 49 years old man,any woman in this town will do anything to have him. I never fooled myself to believe he would be faithful to me. After all,poor men are hardly faithful,not to talk to millionaires.

My husband took a second wife after I bore him four girls. He wanted a male son to carry his name.We were married for 15 years. He was married to his other woman for 6 years. She had 2 girls and 2 boys. After he got married,he hardly paid attention to me. I have not been intimate with him for 4 years until he passed  on.

Well,he was providing for the girls but he and I never had much physical intimacy. I was no longer needed. The second wife was the queen cos she gave him sons. My husband passed after a short battle with kidney disease. We all mourned him and surprisingly,he left our house for me and the girls.

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This man however left a condition that I could only lay claim to the house except I remained single. What a wicked man. The will also said if I remarried before my children are below 18, the children will be taken and raised by his elder sister who would manage their money until they were all 25 years of age.

My eldest child is 14. That means, I have to wait till another 4 years… I know its their father’s property and they deserve it but for me to remain single at 36 years old is impossible.I tired to contest this but it didnt work. Its been three years since my husband passed and I want to move on.

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I recently started seeing someone who is serious about me. This man is ok but not well to do like that. My family wants me to continue to date cos they dont want me to be without a man but they dont want me to remarry so we do not loose the house and the children.

Now,this my relationship is getting serious ,he is talking marriage and I want to be married but my family has refused the idea of marriage. They are afraid I would loose everything coming from my late husband’s will for me and his children. They are afraid his his family finding out cos they would immediately kick me out.

I have been hiding my relationship but my man wants us to make it public and get married…I told him the conditions in my husband’s will but he ways I should not worry that he can provide for us and that after 4 years, the oldest of the children can come and stay with us. I cannot stay without any of my children…

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The youngest is 9 years old. She will be 18 in another 9 years. What do I do? Is this how I will remain single until 9 years? Then I will be 45 years old? Who would want me by then? As I am even seeing this man,I know people will be talking and saying I am being wayward for seeing a man who I am not married to…

In my culture, its seen as immoral for a widow to be seeing another man who is not married to her…My parents want me to continue to keep this a secret…I really need advise..

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Keep me anonymous.

 

Photo Credit:Acceleratetv

 

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I Want To Get Married But That Means I Have To Wait For 9 Years
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

10 COMMENTS

  1. Why not take heed to your family’s suggestion, they can’t lead you wrong after all. Don’t be overwhelmed with emotions as you don’t know what behavior he’ll portrait after the marriage.
    Why not make this sacrifice for your kids if their future really matters to you since that’s what motherhood entails(sacrifice). And don’t get it wrong your husband said what he said for the future of your kids, he won’t let no man abuse his kids, emotionally, s*xually and otherwise 9 years is not too long too wait.

  2. So many omissions in this your write up. Like why is the house so important to you that you don’t want to lose it. What’s the reason? Is it a house where there are other flats for people to rent and so you don’t want to lose that property bcos of the profit it provides? Or is it bcos after re-marrying you would like to sell it or rent it out and turn it to cash for yourself?

    Then another one is that how did you fight this will because it is too one-sided. What if you and your late husband divorced instead, does that mean he would have taken away all 4 children from you? I am not a lawyer or a human right activist but I don’t think you would have lost the fight to have atleast two of your children with you after a divorce, unless you were jobless and wouldn’t have being able to cater for their needs. So why would a will go against you totally like that and you were unable to fight it?
    How I wish you could explain those parts clearly, for you to get accurate advise on this issue.

    Anyway, based on what you have written, you have just two choices.
    1. Marry the new guy and abandon the house & some of your children or
    2. Be a mother for as long as possible. Stay with your kids in your house and break up with the guy.

    To decide which option to follow, ask yourself these questions;
    I. Who is more important? The guy or your children?
    II. Will you be able to handle the pain of seeing your children staying with your husband’s relatives?
    III. If you succeed in taking all (or some) of your children to the guy’s house, (a) hope this guy won’t be mean on them unnecessarily? (b) will you be able to monitor them 24/7 from s*xual abuse from the guy? (c) will he really stick to his word and treat ur children well as if they were his own?

    My dear, I would advise you to go for option 2 and have peace of mind in your own house. If you really love your girls, you should be their mother for as long as possible without remarrying. Don’t put them or you into unnecessary drama for now. May God help you raise them up.

    It is well with you !!!!

  3. B. Dammy has spoken well. The story is incomplete sha. I don’t know why you can’t have access to your own kids if you remarry. Your in-laws can’t cater for your kids as much as you do so you either work hard and let go of his wealth then get a good lawyer to advise you very much on how to get your kids and fight it while [email protected] your own place or you remain where you are for extra 9 years before you think of moving on. Pray and seek God’s face, He will help you out. Shalom

  4. The well-being of your children is what you should be after not remarrying.
    If you really love them. The sacrifice shouldn’t be a big deal for you.

  5. It’s a really a hard decision as both sides are benefitial to you and your children but follow your heart.The house yes is important but being single till 45 years and yet u have a man willing to marry you to is very hard to decide from.

  6. Hello madam,

    So sorry for the loss of your husband. However, I think you need to pray carefully about the decisions you are about to make.

    You need to consult a Lawyer too. See if you can challenge the conditions of the will in court.

    This appears to be a very tough one. If it means your loose your children’s inheritance then you may have to out marriage on hold.

    Except you will be willing to marry and keep it a secret until your children get to the stated age.

    For this man though,I think its too soon to know his true intentions. As a widow,you can date and be friends with him or any man you want. Getting married has to be a very well thought out decision,one that you have taken time to pray about too.

    It maybe hard but you need to be smart…all may not be as it seems..this is a tough decision…it requires alot of praying and wide consultations.

    Put marriage on hold for now….God will guide you when the time is right and your children or you will not need to loose anything.

    God bless you.

  7. Hi madam,
    Just don’t rush in to any marriage now, if you don’t want your children to loose the property left for them…pls think about your decision before you take any.
    Pls pray for God’s direction.

    Stay Blessed.

  8. […] Her Boyfriend Gave Her An Ultimatum-To Follow Her Dreams Or Get Married […]

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