Home Advice How I Let Anger Destroy My Marriage-Now I Want To Fight Back

How I Let Anger Destroy My Marriage-Now I Want To Fight Back

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Hello ma,

To be candid,I need serious counseling. I have been a fool and my most price jewel is about to leave me. My wife and I have been married for 9 years. We both have a son that is 7 years. Having a second child would not be possible cos my wife has a condition but that is not an issue cos we are both happy with one child that God has blessed us with.

The problem started when I got promoted at work 3 years ago. I became branch manager of my bank. Life changed for us drastically. I began to get more busy…travel more and the luxury life came calling. I did not mean for it to happen but I sent less time at home cos of my work commitments.

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My wife and I quarreled about this and I was not wise enough to hear her cry. I got involved with my secretary and my wife found out. That broke us bad. Even though I stopped the affair,trust was broken and my wife never ceased to remind me of my indiscretion.

The constant nagging kept me more and more away from home. Before I knew it,my wife filed for a divorce. I was angry. I apologized for my sins..why cant she move past it? I stubbornly signed the divorce papers. She moved out and I became so devastated and broken.

Still,pride did not allow me fight for my wife. At the beginning of this year,my wife started to date someone I know way back in school. This guy once contested SUG position with me and won. I lost and now,he is coming after my wife. The rage I feel was too much.My wife(I cant bring myself to call her my ex wife) says she didnt know him and I knew each other.

Also Read >>  My Wife & I Tried Counselling But Why Can’t I Stop Feeling Angry?-Pt 2
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But this made me realise that I cannot loose my wife anymore. Not to this guy who once beat me in school. I have been begging my wife and she still loves me but she said she does not think I love her enough to fight for her..that means to do anything to win her back.

Women sha…I want to do anything to win her back. I been doing that…calling her…begging her everyday but she says I am doing it cos I dont want to loose to my school mate. Ok,I admit that is one issue but to be honest,I just realized that anger has clouded my eyes and I need my wife and son back.

I will not let her go like that. I need help and ideas. What do I do please…how do I win her back. She wants us to go to therapy. Please can you counsel us? What do we do…anything,I will pay…just anything…I have been an ass….I want to make things right…help me.

Please post this…she reads your blog…I want her to know I will do anything…and anyone with advise…I will be reading your comments.

Thank you.

 

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Mr. F from Lagos

 

Photo Credit: Depositphotos

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How I Let Anger Destroy My Marriage-Now I Want To Fight Back
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

31 COMMENTS

  1. It appears you both need counseling. It seems you didn’t get it before or after marriage. Keep praying and God will surely make a way. Involve family if possible.

  2. The fact that you regret your actions is a good starting point..if your wife says you didn’t fight for her she was right. I believe she wants you back too and her condition is that you both go for therapy sessions.
    I will advise you go with her and do everything humanly right to win her back and avoid anything that will lead to such repeating itself.
    I wish you all the best.

  3. If I were you ,I will fight for my marriage with a genuine heart ,not just because you don’t want to loose to your school mate the second time. Look for someone whom she respects or whom both of you respect. Divorce is not always a good option as long as there is no life at risk.

  4. Do you really care for her or you just realized you cannot loose her to the other guy because you know him? You should have fought for her from the onset. Well if you really mean to get her back at this point you have to be willing to go the extra mile and do whatever she asks. You have to fight for your family and most importantly do. Let forget to turn to God.

  5. Your comment is awaiting moderation
    Do you really care for her or you just realized you cannot loose her to the other guy because you know him? You should have fought for her from the onset. Well if you really mean to get her back at this point you have to be willing to go the extra mile and do whatever she asks. You have to fight for your family and most importantly don’t forget to turn to God.

    • Thank God u have realised ur mistake and u want to amend your ways…and please let it be genuinely and not because she’s gonna be with ur enemy…(let me call it that) Go for the counselling and please change for good.

  6. If you really mean what you said and not because you don’t want to lose to the other guy then don’t quit Now is the time to show her how truly you love her. Go with her for the therapy session. And keep praying for her , God will help you both

  7. Well, it is good that you are trying to save your marriage. I would advice that you save your marriage, not because of the guy you lost to years back but because you value your wife and son.

    When you prove to wife that she can trust you and you are not trying to get her back because she is seeing someone. Then that makes it possible.

    Since she suggested you both see a therapist, I guess you should, perhaps you should.

    For now, try been a friend, do those Things that attracted her to you at first and in all out God first.

  8. The only way you can win her heart is by showing love and respect. First of all sign up for anger management class. Then be the most loving father to your son. Make sure you are involved in his life like never before. Show more commitment to the things of God. Come up with a goal that will shows how you want to be a better father and husband and start working at it. Don’t pressure the woman, just show her you have changed.

  9. I hope you truly want her back because of your love for her and not because your former mate wants her.
    You can seek the help of friends and family she respects, then whatever conditions she gives, like her request to see a therapist, please, do.
    Call, text and show her you truly regret letting her go and you want her back.
    Above all, pray to God to touch her heart and turn it back to you. He will.

  10. Well, I will advice you not to give up. Trust once broken is always difficult to heal but with time and continuous show of repentance, there will be a change of heart. Let me believe that you are fighting for her cos your classmate made you realize the jewel you had in your house which you didn’t value much then. Now, you still have a second chance, don’t let her slip through your fingers again. Follow her and go to a therapist, I believe it’s a good start.
    Good luck.

  11. Go to anyone she respects and pour your heart to such one. Make him or her understand that you still love your wife and wants her back. Tell him or her to help you apologize to your wife.
    Also commit the situation to God. Ask him to forgive you and always pray for your wife’s change of mind.

  12. You are honest and humble enough to want a genuine reconciliation. It doesn’t matter what your motivation for this is. You can only do your bits and hope she comes back to roost. Persuade her some more, but don’t be to desperate so she doesn’t use it against you should he decided to return home. It is well.

  13. Your MOTIVE for fighting for your marriage or wanting it back will either make or mar it for good… You lost to your school mate in school and so… It equally ended in school… Your pride and ego, what happens to you when there’s so much or rather abundance is also something that needs to be watched.. Yes like your wife said you really have to fight for her well.. She still loves you that’s why she is even giving you options… To win her back… So take the bull by the horn… Including therapy and serious counselling if that’s what it takes.. Except your manly ego and pride is still driving you then watch it ruin what would have been a reunion.. Also be genuinely committed to God and stay true to the vows you made to God and to witnesses after this second chance.. Wish you the best…

  14. I hope you sincerely want her back and not bcos she is with your rival, well i would advice you both take the therapy seriously, spend more time with your family.

  15. It is good to fight for your marriage. However, you must ensure you build back the trust that was once broken by showing her unusual kindness and spending quality time with her.

  16. If it was your wife that wrote her own part of her story here, I would have advised her not to give you a chance immediately. I would also have told her not to date the new guy disturbing her, as that would be a terrible mistake.

    If she truly loves you, then she should let her emotions slide on this matter for now and wait till when you will truly understand yourself by going through that therapy. Then when you have healed up, she can say yes to u again.

    What do you really want :

    (a) Your wife with your kid back together with you;
    (b) Your dutiful wife – the one that cooks / take care of the house for you. Maybe you have missed her doing that for you.
    (c) A final victory over that guy.

    I sincerely believe option c is your main driving force and not option a or b. You are scared to lose again to this guy and you have turned your wife to a trophy contest.

    She has suggested well for you. You really need therapy. Apart from mitigating your anger issues, you also need it to truly understand yourself about what you want and then you also need to be counselled on how to treat your wife better if you get back together. This last reason is really important, because if you win your wife back due to contesting with your friend, you will still end up treating her wrongly. So try to learn how to be a responsible husband. One that will have love, zeal and time for his wife and son. If you should get the second chance from her, be the best husband possible. Treat her like a queen and her trust in you will come back.

    I am only going to advise you to work on yourself first through the therapy, before trying to settle down back with your wife, so that what happened initially won’t happen again. May God help you.

    It is well !!!

  17. Hello,

    I thank God you realised you lost your wife and I encourage you to do everything to win here back.

    However, you must attend the counseling we have set up for both of you. There are issues yet to be addressed. For example:

    Are you sure you are not going back to your wife just because a former enemy wants her?

    Have you asked yourself…where did I go wrong in the marriage…can I own up to my faults and be ready to work on them?

    Will I be willing to make my wife happy and be faithful to her for the rest of your lives?

    My prayer is that you are desiring your wife back for all the right reasons and that you will be a better version of your selves going forward.

    Best Regards

  18. Humble yourself and fight for your marriage, don’t let pride and ego make you lose your marriage. You can’t force love, it’s a gradual process so show her you have changed genuinely not because she is finding happiness with another man.

  19. Hello bro
    Since you agreed is all your fault, just keep pushing she will surely come back…I’m very sure she still loves you.

    Regards

  20. You have to ensure you aren’t going back to her cz your old school mate wants her too. Your reason for going back to her must be genuine. Pay attention to the condition she gave you deligently. God will help you.

  21. It’s good you are now seeing yourself to blame. That’s a good starting point. But hope you aren’t pushing to have her because of the competition but because you genuinely love her and need her… Check yourself

  22. As long as she hasn’t slept with the guy fight for her but if she has let her go because she will not stop seeing the man

  23. […] My marriage is falling apart, please help me. I been a silent follower for some months now. I like the way you give advise. Please share my story but hide my identity. I have been married for four years to a very good man but my husband does not love me. In fact he is in love with someone else. […]

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