Home Advice My Wife Cares More About Her Family Than Our Marriage-Please Advise

My Wife Cares More About Her Family Than Our Marriage-Please Advise

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Hello ma,

My wife and I have been married for 2 years. We have been trying to build a family. Things are not as ok as I would want but I believe God will take care of us. My wife has been supportive,I thank God for her life. We were able to get a small Toyota corolla with money that she saved.

We have a baby of 9 months so most times,my wife is the one using the car. I jump boss from mainland to Island and its not easy at all. I have been praying to be able to save some money to get myself a car,even if its a small one. A car in Lagos is a necessity.

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Two months ago,my wife received a promotion from her work. The promotion came with some benefits of course. My wife was told that she would be given a car too but they had not bought the car. My wife’s official car came in 2 weeks ago and it was a brand new 2015 Toyota camry.

I was so happy for her. She is very good at her job. And I was actually hoping to be able to use our smaller car now that we have a new car. But guess what,my wife sent the car to her father in Ibadan. She just told me in a flimsy way that she would give the car to her dad cos she promised to get him a car since his own broke down beyond repair.

Now,I was too shocked that my wife did not ask my opinion and she already made up her mind before telling me. I was hurt and so I told her to do whatever she likes. And truth be told,she sent the car to her father while I still jump 3 buses to work every day. I feel hurt cos she was not sensitive to my needs.

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I know her father needs a car but in Ibadan,you can still move around easily without a personal car unlike Lagos. She knows how stressful it is for me. She knows how many times,my trouser has been torn in a bus or how many times,I got beat by rain yet she did not see it necessary to let me use the small car.

I dont blame her,its cos she bough the car with her money. I would never treat her like this and truth be told,I now know that it is bad if a wife has more money than the husband. My wife never treated me bad like this before the promotion. I am so bitter,I feel like telling her we need to go our separate ways.

Please advise me…how do I deal with this cos since last week,I have found it difficult to be around my wife. She thinks I am just sulking but she does not know the extent of my hurt. And that is even why it is so painful.

If my wife cannot see how important this is to me,if she would choose her family over me,why then should we remain married? Please advise…

 

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My Wife Cares More About Her Family Than Our Marriage-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

31 COMMENTS

  1. Is hurting I know but sit her down and discuss the issue with her, make her to understand that you are hurt inside.communication matters alot
    Watch and see if she will change if not u can take action

  2. Truly it hurts but does she really know how deeply hurt you feel ? I think you should communicate to her and let her see reasons with you.
    Going your separate ways is too extreme as to solving the issue on ground.
    Have a one on one conversation with her and explain your pain and how you feel both of you should build and plan your home without hurting yourselves that bad because it’s not good for your young marriage.

  3. Bros, this matter heard oooo,

    Truth be told, her money to a large extent is not your money but her family money.

    Your money is not your money but the whole family money.

    Her own is for her kids and her family back in Ibadan, while yours is for her, your kids, your family and her own family.

    Kindly over look and double your hustle with the fear of God, your own car go come.

  4. Channel that hurt to working harder and making better decisions and have more financial sources. Telling her will make her know it hurt you and she’ll keep doing it.

    Become so determined to succeed so issues like this won’t come up ever again. I understand how you feel, but don’t depend on her anymore for now to get your necessities.

    Seat down and with that pain, make up your mind to be successful at al cost legally available to you. Then, you’ll see who she becomes.

  5. It hurts really. Tell her how you feel about it but you need to let go. Work harder and make more money to buy yourself a car. Don’t let the hurt keep you from being the best father and husband. Don’t over flog this issue let it be. At least you know your wife better now.

  6. If you decide to go your way,guess what?She won’t be affected in any way.As a man with integrity and dignity, I won’t complain because I didn’t contribute a dine .She has made her choice and her choice doesn’t mean she loves her family more than you.All you need to do is double your hustle,start contribution (ajo),make sure it is real and above all love your family, fight for your marriage, your wife loves you.

  7. It really hurts…. I understand how you feel.
    But a conversation is very important here…
    You and her need to converse with each other… Pour out your heart to her and see if she will be truly sorry….

    Then again, double your hustle…..
    God will provide for you and heal you of the hurt.

  8. Your wife was wrong with the decision. She erred not to have informed you before she took the decision to hand her dad the car. It was a huge disrespect. But pls let it pass. Return back to your default state. Your time will come. It will be a great period to remind her. You do not have to make your home sour bcos of it. Remember, It is always well.

    • Haba, they talked about it, where he said he flipped and told her to do what she likes
      He thought she would have given him the car

  9. I think that you should divorce her. Only God knows how she got that promotion. What she did is more than unfaithfulness.
    There are three things you can do:
    1. Divorce her
    2. Discuss with her and let her know how you feel.
    3. Work hard and buy your own car and leave her with her properties.

    • So cos she sent a car to her dad, it’s now been considered been more than unfaithful?

      What if she used it to sow seed with one of these brothers in Christ or gave it out to a friend? It becomes something more than murder?

  10. Sir no need for divorce, sit your wife down and talk some senses into her and see her reaction. If she is remorseful fine but if she is not forget about it and double your hustle. Las Las your hustle must surely pay.

  11. Marriage is about communication talk to her tell her how u feel but day should not be a cause of separation or divorce

  12. Really sorry about everything I really feel ur pain n frustration, then again ,don’t keep ur hurts to urself,pour them out n let her know that u are hurting, discuss with her n tell her how u feel disrespected, n how disrecpectful her actions area n see her response before anything else.n again double ur hustle m dear, n God ur bless the work of ur hands.

  13. She is trying to tell you indirectly alaye double your hustle no time for ingbati ingbati. Well she feels that the only way to make you understand that she can’t be the one carrying the family all the time,just talk to her how you feel but if it me i will forget her nd buy my car.

  14. Bros…I will advise you to not listen to people talking you in divorce and leaving her alone just because of car issue…your wife loves you and loves her family too…as a man you just have to take heart because she believe even as a female she have to take care of her family with everything she has ..because she marries you doesnt mean she wont love her father someone who sent her to school and paid all the dues on her..let her know what she did wrong! you guyz are one and she shouldn’t have done it without consulting you and that was the mistake she made ..forgive her and work harder and pray harder ur car too will come ..Note… not all promotion are from doing bad things people work for it to earn it so dont put that in ur head…God will visit ur home

  15. Oga ehhh, if I open my mouth to talk, this blog will not contain us.
    Sorry to say that but i hate it when people are playing emotional victim on this kinda thing.
    Yes, your wife was given a car, yes you told her that you would love to be using the old one but she says she would love to send it to her dad. Now your Male ego set in and you feel insulted, she is not considerate, she is thinking of her dad, etc. I don’t like to judge but let’s call a spade a spade. This is not about the fact that she bought the car, this is the fact that she put her dad before you. Let’s face it, if you’ve been like dear, I know you’ve promised your dad a car, but pls can I use it for like six months or a year, by then I would have come up with some money to buy mine rather than flipping and telling her to do what she likes.
    Your trouser getting torn or been beaten by rain didn’t get to me honestly cos people has seen worst

    My advice, loosen that your ego. Probably save up, she can help in whatever way she can, its the family for the two of you. Find a common ground that you both can meet. Teach her to meet you half way and she might understand

    Honestly, not every advice needs succour

  16. This man is truly hurt, and when your wife don’t seem to care how hurt you are even hurts more. I suggest he should first forgive the wife and let it go. Then sit and have a heart to heart discussion with the wife. They will settle alot of issues doing that, because it’s obvious there is a communication gap between the two of them.

  17. Its really painful what she did i understand but its not enough reason to break up with her. What if the next lady you meet after her is still earning more than you and then same thing happens again. I’d advice you talk to her, express your feelings and then most importantly double your hustle. God will uplift and guide you both

  18. Hello Sir,

    I think you need to relax. These things are all about perception.

    Perhaps your wife thinks both of you can manage her new car.

    Tell her how you feel about this matter. She told you…and you did not explain why you need the car..maybe if you did,she would have considered it.

    Yes…she knows how you stress using public transport but then,she may think that you not speaking or asking for the car means,you can still manage public transport or the new car with her.

    Talk to her. See her reaction. And whatever happens,do not be bitter. Some people have strong attachments to family even after they are married. She will have to learn to put her immediate family first. Do not judge her. I believe she can still learn.

    Communicate in love and communicate more. I believe if she reads this story the way you shared it,she may have a change of heart. Do not judge her based on this one matter. After all,she has been a supportive wife all along before now.

    Talk to your wife. And do not be bitter. Like you said,start working on your own car.

    Pray about the situation,let God guide you. Pray with your wife too. Let there be better communication and understanding between two of you.

    God will make all things beautiful in His time.

    Cheers

  19. Hello,

    Sorry about the pain you feel.

    Please know that this is not a Biblical acceptable ground for divorce.

    You mentioned you have been married for only 2 years , the memories of all her parents did to make her who she is today and their current condition is very fresh in her mind . Giving her father the car instead of you does not mean she does not love you , perhaps she believes you can both manage and wanted to settle the aged man who may be closer to eternity than your young family with more years and prospects.

    Things will get better. While she plays her supportive role as help mate, you are man.

    Communicate how you feel but don’t let these kind of things make you bitter, withdraw and start thinking of divorce , a car is just a temporal thing , your marriage is bigger than a car, together you can achieve bigger things… Please call her father and check there’s no bitterness in your heart there, He is an old man.

    Wife , more grace as you support your dear husband. Things will get better.

    All the best

  20. To add, the blessings that can overtake your family as a result of the blessings her father , an elderly man releases when the car is released from the heart can bring many more cars and other blessings into your life and families rolling away hardship.

    Another better car will come for you… be comforted.

  21. Bro i think u also didn’t tell her u wanted de car
    And maybe she felt embarrassed that her husband his driving a car that she brought with her money..I also don’t think she choose her family over you…so don’t break ur family because of a car

  22. It’s better you talk to her about it,sometimes we assume people ought to see,know and understand how we feel,but it’s not always like that. Don’t separate from your wife because of this,sit her down and make her see reasons.

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