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My Wife & I Tried Counselling But Why Can’t I Stop Feeling Angry?-Pt 2

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Part 2:

We make love and my wife is still a freak but I remember how my wife was so wild with a complete stranger and a certain jealous rage fills me immediately.

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My wife became upset and blamed me for giving her a threesome when I knew I could not stomach it. I got angry and called her a whore. One that gets turned on by a stranger in front of her husband. I accused her of being a loose woman to even introduce threesomes into our marriage.

Those words were said in anger,my wife  left our home that night. I couldn’t reach her,called all her friends and our family. No one knew where she was. I was freaking out. Still could’t reach her the next day. Two days later,she came back and it was obvious that she had been drinking and crying.

I went on my knees and begged her for hurting her and saying those words. She was crying and telling me I had pushed her to do something bad. I asked her what she did: she had been so upset and went to be with the same guy I was upset about her for.

At that point,I knew there was no going back. I asked her for a divorce. I was angry. My wife begged me but I was too hurt. Once was enough,another episode,I could not deal with. She moved out with our kids cos they are still young. Since then,they have been staying with her aunt.

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I swear to God,this is not working. This is not how I pictured my life or marriage. Everyone is blaming me for all of this. and truth be told, I blame me too. I know it was first my wife’s idea but I went along with it. Things got out of hand. I miss my family and I want my wife back.

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https://www.consumersadvocate.org/online-therapy

How do we even begin to get back together? I cannot get the rage I feel out and I know that until I do that,even if we get back together,our marriage will never be the same. We started counseling last week. But I could not sit through counseling when my wife mentioned during counseling that she having s*x with that guy.

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The therapist had wanted us to be honest but she was too honest. She says she will never have a threesome anymore. But why do I still feel hurt? I think its because she cheated with the threesome guy but my wife blames me for that…yes…I pushed her but that is still making me angry to be honest.

How do we move forward from here…I am still angry but I want my wife back…I love her too much…how do I stop feeling angry?How do I forget all of these happened?

Please advise….

From Anonymous poster

Photo Credit:Shutterstock 

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My Wife & I Tried Counselling But Why Can’t I Stop Feeling Angry?-Pt 2
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

15 COMMENTS

  1. You have to forgive her totally and take your therapy seriously…you have to heal completely because with the rage you are feeling you might commit murder..
    You have to be completely healed before bringing your wife back to be with you.. pray more for your self, wife and marriage ask God to heal you all..best of luck..

  2. Like I said before you and your wife needs Jesus and after that continue with your therapy both you and your wife.

  3. You better forgive her and be together with your family, let the past remain in the past,you both messed up ,I see no reason why you should still be angry.

  4. Get a divorce immediately. Your case is apparently irredeemable. You ended your marriage the day you obliged her threesome request. Go to God, only He can fix you, your wife and your marriage.

  5. U have to deal with it and forgive ur wife, because if had rebuked the idea from the beginning, things would not have gotten this far. But if u think u can’t forgive n let it go ,then carry on with the divorce proceedings,n also learned to live without ur children until they come of age of coming to visit or stay with you,but if not,try forgetting everything that happened that night,i know it wouldn’t be easy but u have to try n make it happen,n forgive urself too for everything u did,n next time, don’t get carried away with events no mata the excitement,for ordinary birthday, people just spoiled their happy home,say na birthday present, hope u have learned ur lesson?Forgive ur wife if u can,n stop being angry.

  6. Stop being angry with your wife and with yourself. Seriously you need healing and this may take some time, but you will surely be healed.

    Go to God with your wife and ask Him to forgive you, cleanse you and purge you completely. True healing can only come from God.

    Take your counselling session seriously and learn to be patient with your wife.

    Take care

  7. Hmmmmmmmmmm romance went to far… I always thought marriage is between three people, the husband and wife then God at the center…
    Hurting people will hurt others…
    Forgiveness is a choice and there’s no true real love without forgiveness.. So if you really love her like you said then find a place in your heart to do so… Both of you have to diligently with all sincerity of heart go for that counselling… With the mind and heart to see yourselves brand new… You have worked so hard to allow your own mistakes tear what would have been an inspiring union that will be a source of lesson and encouragement to others now tear apart because of bitterness, anger and unforgiveness.. There’s still Light at the end of this tunnel…

  8. I’m speechless…
    Well, there’s someone that can help and heal you, he’s God, ask him to teach you how to forgive yourself most especially and your wife and let go, its not going to be within a twinkle of an eye o, you have to have that willingness to work with him and I bet you things will turn around for good.

  9. From all indications you’re not mature at all,you never man up,when you are I will know,do you want to kill before you dropped this rage,guy you better kill the anger and take your family, then focus submit your marriage to the one who create you and start a new page in your life and marriage, you did what she did as well is not like you are a saint,so forgive and forget and focus more on making your marriage to work.

  10. What you both did was despicable and a defilement of your holy matrimony. Any s*xual sin is with your body which is God’s temple, and that brings you into direct judgment from God..
    BOTH of YOU must CRY for mercy from God and ask for His forgiveness. Sincerely repent. Draw very close to God and His word. If there is a spiritual father you know is a true child of God, seek for his prayers also. Let God cleanse your marriage and give you both healing of the mind. Then forgiveness will flow from your hearts to each other.
    Shalom

  11. My brother you better let go of this rage you are having if not you will do the unthinkable. To me you need to go see a pastor confess your sin nd accept Jesus as your lord an your Savior

  12. Hello Sir,

    I want you to know that for your to start healing, you must stop blaming and forgive yourself and your wife cos you both messed up big time.

    Marriage is a relationship of a wife and a husband and God at the centre of it all.

    You should never have allowed the suggestion from your wife to give you a threesome for your birthday. If anything,that should triggered you to know that she needs counseling.

    Threesomes are dangerous. Some people find a kick out of it but those kinds of people may not be in a monogamous relationship. You should never have tried it if monogamy is your style.

    Your wife could have fantasied about this or may have done this before but now she is married to you,she needs to know that you do not like that lifestyle. Again,you encouraged her. You are both to blame.

    So going forward,stop being angry. Ask God to forgive both of you and help both of you trace your steps back. Forgive yourself. Forgive her and hit the reset button in your marriage. You may even renew your wedding vows and pledge to remain faithful to only one another for as long as you are married.

    Pray to God to help you both heal and remain entirely faithful.

    This wont be easy but you have to make an effort and deliberately forgive each other.

    Maybe you can both take an exotic get away time to rediscover each other and find yourselves again.

    I would also recommend therapy. I think your wife may be hinged on threesomes. She needs to learn how to let go of such desires. And cut off from that escort guy for ever.

    God bless you

  13. I can see your heart is bitter and broken.
    What you need do is forgive yourself, forgive your wife and ask God to forgive you then pray that God heals/mends your heart

  14. This is the worst post I have ever seen on this platform! My advice for you two,is to welcome Jesus into ur lives and marriage.How on Earth did the two of you got dere?? Threesome in ur marriage! Your home and marriage has been defiled and the only one that can help you,is Jesus.

  15. You both let the devil into your very peaceful and loving home. The devil hates to see harmony in marriages, so he tackles you through your weakness and thereafter watches you self-destruct. It’s possible for your marriage to come whole again but you both would need a lot of work, get rid of all the unwholesome fantasies and put Christ in the middle of your home. Jesus is the only one that can heal your hearts completely even with the therapy you are undergoing. All the best.

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