HomeAdviceHelp-My Husband & I Have Been Trying To Divorce For The 4...

Help-My Husband & I Have Been Trying To Divorce For The 4 Years

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Hello,

I need advise. I met my husband on a flight to New York 5 years ago. We hooked up when we landed. I had just broken up with my boyfriend of 3 years and I needed a rebound. Our relationship was super fast,mostly based on s*x.

Before you knew it,it was 3 months and we were both professing love to each other. At that time,I really believed we had great chemistry.  But it was more physical than emotional.We were planning a wedding 8 months down the line.

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I mean,I was 36 years old for God’s sake,my family was overjoyed to be planning the dream wedding after waiting for so long for me to get hooked. We had a lavish Nigerian wedding and I thought this was my dream.

It didn’t even take us up to 4 months before I started noticing the signs. My husband was cheating. Initially,he tried to hide it but he just was not who I thought he was. I thought I was the problem,I begged him to stop cheating,I would do anything.

My husband looked at me and said he is a man and can do whatever he likes.I felt I was dreaming. We fought everyday but after one year,I gave up and left him alone. I felt stuck in my marriage. So,I thought I needed a divorce.

My family was devastated but I was not going to accept this kind of marriage. Note though,my husband is a very caring man despite his cheating. Very romantic. He buys me gifts and flowers and very intimate on a regular basis. I just cant get why he cannot commit to only his wife.

Initially,I used to pray for him to change but I realize he cannot change. That is after almost another 5 months of praying and crying.By the second year,I moved out of our home,waiting for the divorce to be finalized. That has been over four years, we now have a daughter yet we are not still divorced. My husband refused to sign the divorce papers. Do not blame him too much…I have been sleeping with him even though we do not live in the same house.

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I cannot seem to be able to end things with him. I know there are other women in his life but we cannot seem to let go of each other. When I discovered I was pregnant two years ago,I thought a baby would help us get back together. But I was wrong. I found out that through out my pregnancy,he was sleeping with one of my friends.

I was so angry with him but whenever he is around me…he is so charming that I forget what a cheating bastard he is. I thought one of the ways I could forget him was if I also cheated. So,I hooked up with some guy and slept with him.

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As I write this,I had a boyfriend ..yet I am still married. Myself and my husband both cheat but are still very much married. What kind of dysfunctional life is this? My boyfriend found out I still had feelings for my husband…he broke up with me.

I cannot keep living like this. But I feel trapped…my mother thinks my husband charmed me. That I could never resist him? Could that be possible? I cannot say I love him cos what I feel is more of anger but that anger turns me on every time I see him.

Oh…he also has 2 baby mamas that I know of. Maybe they are more. I don’t know. Some people say I should accept my fate…that this is my destiny…but I feel angry and trapped..

What should I do…continue to live like this?…how do I break free from my husband? Will I ever be able to break free?

 

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Photo Credit:Dan Munro

 

 

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Help-My Husband & I Have Been Trying To Divorce For The 4 Years
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

7 COMMENTS

  1. My dear,u are not serious to break free from ur husband,becos if u are still sleeping with whenever he comes around,then u are not ready to break free from him. How can u be separated from ur husband n still be sleeping with him n u say u want a divorce? It might not work out becos u are yet to take ur stands on what u want for ur life,if u want to happy or remain sad all the days of ur life, decide on what u n pray for God’s grace,if u truly want to break free from a cheating husband, then u need to try as much as possible to stop sleeping with him,or u just take out the idea of divorcing him out of ur head n live with him like that as ur fate. Cheers n good luck

  2. 70 percent of what happens to us we are the cos of it u need to make up your mind n put ur foot down stop procrastinating have realistic plans on ground then make ur move to break free

  3. I feel there is still more to the story,pls open up so that you can get the advice you asked for.You can’t tell me that for the period you were with him,you never noticed all these red flags?Hummm 2baby mamas,he will still have more.If you know you still love him,just like you said,he is caring, buys you flowers,pls you have to settle and still pray for him.He can still change from his ways of cheating. Divorce is not an ideal thing to do and your marriage is still very young.

  4. Hello,

    I think you both know that you are not living right yet you are not making any effort to change things.

    The way it looks…you guys fit each other…why not move back in?

    He cheats and you cheat…and both of you do not want to get a divorce…seems like a mutually beneficial relationship.

    But to be honest, you both need to realize that your actions are not only wrong but impacting your children.

    Turn your lives around. Time to seek God and ask for his help to live right.

    Clearly…supernatural intervention is needed. Ask God to forgive you and help you live right and also ask Him to help your husband.

    Be the bigger person…fix your life and prayerfully support your husband to fix his too.

    The power to change things is in your hands…I pray you do the right thing!

    Cheers.

  5. […] three years into our marriage, we found ourselves signing divorce papers. It wasn’t until I started dating again that I realized the joys of what making love […]

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