HomeAdviceMy Wife Is Disrespectful,Disobedient and Ashamed Of Me-Please Advise

My Wife Is Disrespectful,Disobedient and Ashamed Of Me-Please Advise


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Hello Ma,

I need your advise. I think my wife is ashamed of me. We met 4 years ago through a mutual friend. She was acting like she was not interested when I was trying to woo her so I got tired and forgot about her. Not long after,she reconnected and started singing a new song.

This time,she seemed very interested especially when I told her I was not looking for a casual relationship but something that would lead to marriage. She got pregnant and we had to get married quickly before she started to show.

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One thing she told me however is that she likes to keep her private life off social media. So even though I loved posting our relationship and fun memories on my social media,she didnt post anything about me on hers. I took her word for it,that she wants to keep things private. When we got married,her younger sister moved in with us and that girl is a very stubborn and spoiled girl.

Her sister caused alot of arguments between us and at some point,I was like,the sister needs to go. That was when the mother and family members came after me. They rained insults on me and said that I am not good enough for their daughter.

To be honest,I never knew that was how they felt about me and that really disturbed me. But for peace sake,I ignored them and tried to move on. But with what is going on in my marriage,I strongly believe that my wife is ashamed of me and her family thinks I am not good enough for them.

My wife disrespects me at the slightest chance. She used to be a banker but she was fired in January,so I told her to take care of the children until she finds another job,I suggested we ask the house help to go so we wont need to spend money paying her,especially with the way things are for us financially.

My wife refused and accused me of trying to make her a common house wife. That she is a masters degree holder and can never stay at home just taking care of children and the house. I said ok. But I will not pay the house help. When month end came,I did not pay the house help. My wife was furious and we quarreled but I maintained my stand.

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She had no choice but to send the house help away. Now,my wife leaves the house almost everyday to go and visit friends in their offices and businesses all in the name of looking for jobs. She will leave in the morning and come back in the afternoon or around 4pm. The children are left with my neighbor.

I do not like how she is ignoring her responsibilities. I told her to stay at home,if she gets called for interview,I will take off day from work and stay with the children but she refused. My house is always dirty. She says she is not a cleaner. I am truly shocked at her.

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Her mother will call her almost everyday on phone and they will talk for no less than 1 hour,45 mins everyday. A married woman. The mother will never ask of me or even caution the daughter to be respectful of her husband when they talk for so long.

When we want to make love,my wife will turn her face like I am smelling or something. I asked her if she is not enjoying it,she said she is,so why acting like she is not? She said that is how her face is. I left it there. I am a man of peace. I want peace in my home.

The latest thing she did that made me realize she is not proud of me or ashamed of me is fathers’ day. On father’s day,she posted happy father’s day to her father and all fathers out there. She never posted anything about me. I asked her why,she said she wants to keep her family out of social media.

But when I checked her social media which I have never done,she post pictures of our children,her family,colleagues but nothing on me. Her reason was;she does not want to post pictures of me so other ladies will not see it and be coming after me.

I can no longer take the level of disrespect and stubbornness from my wife. I love her but she needs to see me as her husband and be submissive. She needs to stay more at home to take care of the home at least,until she gets a job. My house must be clean and lastly,is she does not show that she is proud of me,then we may be having a serious problem that may lead to separation.

Another thing she does,she wears very skimpy dresses,showing her cleavage,heavy make up and all. I have told her she needs to be a little more modest but she says I am trying to silence her. Sometimes I suspect she is maybe be seeking attention from other men but I have not caught her doing anything…at least…for now.

Please advise me because I do have done everything to talk to my wife but she does not listen. Maybe if I threathen her with divorce then she will sit up. What do you think?

From Worried Man on Lively Stones Whatsapp Group

Photo Credit:gisbarbados



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Well I think you should ignore her… make her feel jealous. Pretend like other women are coming after you….. all u can see is a woman who doesn’t appreciate what God has done for her…..
    You need to start given strict rules like if she go out again you lock her outside ni… but please dont let her make you feel less important… with what I’ve read you are a good man

  2. Be strict and firm in your home. Take your stand as a man and don’t allow her bully or belittle you. Enough of her insults and stubbornness. Ignore her for a while, show her you can be immune to her stubbornness and see how it plays. I wish you God’s best in your home. This too shall pass. Las Las you go dey ok.

  3. First oga ..does she wear skimpy wears and heavy makeup before? You said she is was a banker and you know some are quiet fashionable when it comes to dressing. Yeah I understand when a lady says she want it private it may be becuse truly she is ashamed of you maybe u arent good looking enough or that she doesnt want people to know she is connected with you which is for dating people becuse they arent still sure of where they are going not married couples like urs or maybe she isnt a social media person and from what u said she is indeed a social media person…for real marriage need prayer and God because it either the problem is from the man or woman side or both sides but anyways it important you stand your ground if u arent careful you wont enjoy your marriage becuse it already looking somehow like ur wife is not telling u her mind maybe there is something u are doing that doesnt look pleasing to her …I will advise u guyz talk heart to heart let her know u are tired of her play and let her know the consequences of her actions

  4. Hello,

    Sometimes marriage actually brings out the real personality that the spouse truly is.

    You need to really be smart about this. There is a gap and you can fix it if your wife is willing to be truthful.

    Something is wrong. Its either she is not really proud of her marriage…then you need to find out why


    There could be negative influences in her life. And whatever those influences,they need to be cut off.

    I would say…get some real counselling and encourage communication between both of you.

    Find out what is really going on…do not threaten her with divorce….shower her love and understanding…suggest therapy and see how things go.

    This could also be a phase for her. Perhaps,you could learn to ignore her short comings and focus on her good parts.

    Just be a little patient…keep working on the communication and help her develop a better personality through your consistent acts of kindness and love to her even when you feel she does not deserve it.

    I trust you will not give up…find a will to mend whatever is broken and you will both be fine in the end.

    God bless

  5. Oga it’s obvious you married her because of money; well, you should endure all her excesses.Try to dialogue with her at least,to see if she can change!!!!!

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