Home Advice My Boyfriend's Daughter Is Sabotaging Our Relationship-Please Advise

My Boyfriend’s Daughter Is Sabotaging Our Relationship-Please Advise

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Good morning,

I have a lot i want to talk to someone about.

I met someone sometime ago,then I just came out of a relationship that didn’t work out,but this guy told me he wanted something serious,like he wanted marriage and I felt it’s ok to give it a try.

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When I met this guy he told me , he has a daughter that’s about 14 years,I said ok,it could be me with a child,so I accepted the relationship and we started dating. He is in Enugu while I am in Owerri.

While I was in Owerri,but we were communicating very well,his family were happy with me,and my family too liked him and wished that we end up together,he ask he to relocate to Enugu where he’s based and accepted.

I had to quit my job and traveled to meet him late last year and since then I have been in his house. His a nice guy no doubt about, but the problem started when I ask his daughter to wash and sweep the house, that’s where problems started from till this day.

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Things have never normal in the house,mind he has not done anything yet, not even an introduction less alone, traditional marriage,but I have been with him since November till now, as I’m talking to you.

His daughter has an upbringing that is questionable, everyone thinks I came here to chase her away from her father house,how is that? Because I would want her to do those little chores in the house like sweeping and washing plates, that’s all.

But those chores are seen as punishment to her from her father and his family,now tell me can you be in a home where you have a 14 year old daughter and you send her on any errands? You sweep and Wash the dishes that she uses and the home she lives in,

And nothing is done or said about her refusal to participate in the house activity and when you want to insist or say anything, it’s said that because you are not the Biological mother, that’s you are doing this and doing that,and her father is not helping me at all with any of these.

Something happened that really turned me off with this family and the man I’m dating,the girl in question is as naughty as anything that word can express,she naughty,rude,untamed, uncut, disrespectful, unmanned and at the same time I think she might be possessed.

Sometimes something happens in the house and her father comes back from his activity I report to him as the man of the house,he will not say anything or correct his daughter,but me do something to her, and her father comes back, and she reports me to him and you see him shout at me in front of his daughter!!!

Also Read >>  How To Make Her Stay In The Relationship
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He talks to me so rudely in front his daughter,and made the girl lose respect and regards for me,because of all that attitude towards me,it made me became also rude to him and didn’t care about anything anymore.

The relationship died,the interest died, everything died. I told myself that I can’t stay here because it’s obvious they don’t want me to be here or have anything to do their son, because I thought it was ok to try to correct those errors in that girls life,but it was misinterpreted to be that I hate the girl and  I don’t want her anywhere near her father.

I wanted money to return back to Owerri before the lock down started. His mother came to stay with us sometime ago, everything got even worse ,and now when his mother came,she grew from bad to worse,I thought that the reason why my man was not doing anything as regards the complaint I had and always given him was because he was not someone who talks a lot.

That was what I thought before,but when her grandma came,my dear,it became everyone in the house against me,because one thing is that I don’t know how to pretend and so I was not able to cover up anything whenever there is a misunderstanding.

So her Grandma left and told his sister and everyone that I chased her out of her son’s house and my man believed it n took it against me.

The girl did something sometime ago that really hurt me,she pour hot Oil on my hand while I was frying yam,and that got me very upset and so I descended on her,and beat her up very well,and the family came after me,his mother and his sister thinks that I hate the girl that’s why beat her up,I don’t want her to stay in her father’s house

Another thing ma, some of my sisters thinks that am over reacting by saying that I want to return back to Owerri,because they think age and time is not on my side.What should: should I keep staying here and hope things will change,how do I make things change or move away as soon as the lock down is over?

 

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My Boyfriend's Daughter Is Sabotaging Our Relationship-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

18 COMMENTS

  1. There’s no need staying there, how sure are you that he’s still going to marry you and even if he says he will, are you willing to endure all these things that is happening now, and then you will be committed already. I suggest you leave that family and move on with your life.. Your own husband will come.

  2. Comment: Moved in with a man u are not marry to wrong step,d deed is done. Move out of the house and relationship without looking back. else, d girl wil make ur life miserable and it wil be ur doom. It shows the man is controlled by his daughther and family. Leave now when you stil av ur life intact

  3. I don’t know what you are waiting for. You are old and matured enough not to allow people treat you like that. Redeem your dignity and self worth by leaving that house.
    If any man wants to marry you, he should do the proper thing by paying your bride price first.

  4. You left your job because of a man that has not put ring on your hand talkless of marriage somebody give this aunty a very hot slap for me to wake up from that dream. Now you are asking us what to do stay there nd wait for Jesus to come nd tell you to go nd pack your bags and leave that house

  5. You should know you can’t live happily with that man…That girl can’t be bent again cause she’s already dried…

    This is a red flag for you,I will advice you to forget about the man,cause your relationship will lead you nowhere…

  6. Sis..this isa red flag …if you arent careful you will died in that house and thank God u arent married yet just move out of that house and start your life afresh there is nothing better than that and if God say u will still met someone else u still can and u already said time is going and if it baby mama u want u can do it alone

  7. The first mistake you made was to abandon your job and relocate to a mans house that hasn’t paid your dowry.

    My advice is to leave that relationship and return to your base.

    You can never cope in such a toxic environment and with an untrained child.

    What you will experience in the marriage has just been revealed to you.

    So you better move out of the house.

  8. First, you did wrong by quitting your job to move to a man who had not married you. People do that because of marriage.
    Second, the deed is done and you are in that house. Have you considered the fact that the young girl may be scared of you replacing her mum in their lives?
    Can you pause and try to understand her just a bit? Have you tried to show her kindness even when she puts up an annoying attitude?
    Most times, all these kids need is a kind place and the assurance that whoever will be their stepmom.
    You can correct in love. And still get positive feedback (especially where the situation is sensitive like this).
    But if you know you can’t take all these, please leave… for your peace of mind.

  9. Inform your man about your intention to walk away from the relationship and watch his reactions whether he can submit/subject his daughter to you and settle things amicably

    But if your man continues to take side with his daughter, then take your leave finally as soon as Lockdown ban on inter-state movement is lifted.

    Goodluck.

  10. 1)You are desperate
    2 You actually sound like you hate the girl
    3) Have you tried talking to her in a loving way?
    4) What do you mean she poured hot oil on you with your eyes wide open? It sounds like an error to me. If she was your child will you beat her up like that?
    5) You need to look inwards.
    6) Move back home and get a life first.

  11. Discuss with him about you wanting to leave the relationship and please return to your base as it is obvious you’re no longer welcome

  12. Please you are not wanted there leave that family fast,is obvious you are not getting the message, that child is been used against young.

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