When it comes to love and relationships, so often we tend to fuse our identities with those we are dating. We refer to ourselves as “us” and “we” instead of “you and me” and we don’t bat an eye. We spend as much time as our lives allow because this person makes our lives better. We talk about our significant others constantly because they are a big part of our lives. There isn’t anything inherently wrong with these things; it’s fairly normal.
Yet when we reach a point where we view a person as the “other half” to make us whole, it puts us in a position that we don’t like to talk about. We act like we were missing something, and this other person filled the perfect spot to our drab and dull life. We pretend that there is no issue with viewing a person as a part of us we were missing, leaving us shattered or feeling completely unhinged on the unfortunate event that they walk out of our lives.
So, you should date someone who doesn’t make you feel whole.
Date someone who doesn’t serve as a half to your full circle existence- because you are whole. You are that entire circle. You are the wonderful and glorious human with hopes, dreams, fears, goals, emotions, strengths, weaknesses, and thoughts that this world needs. You are a complete and whole person all on your own- dating someone who you think makes you whole is only going to cause you to view yourself as less-than; You are not just a broken piece stumbling around on this planet.
Date someone who may introduce you to things you didn’t know before, or give you experiences you may not have previously had. But who doesn’t make you feel like you can’t live without them? You can, you have, and if you must then you will. This person who holds your heart is also another whole and complete person, and together I’m sure you will make some incredible memories that you might not have had with someone else- but that doesn’t mean that without them, you are nothing.
Date the person who doesn’t mind that you have a life outside of them- they expect it because they do too. They know you have friends, family, and other interests that while you might share with them or discuss with them in detail, may not always include them, and that is perfectly okay. They don’t believe that just because it isn’t something they aren’t directly involved in, that it shouldn’t be part of your life, but they appreciate you for the well-rounded and whole person that you are. In fact, it’s insanely attractive to them.
The date the person who understands and is attracted to you because of your strength and dedication to being your own person, while making room for them in your life. They know that you don’t need them to live, and they take notice that the time you make for them and the amount of conversations you have that involve them has nothing to do with codependence and everything to do with how much you admire them and want them in your life.
You deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel like you’re a half who was so lucky to stumble upon another half, but who recognizes that you have always been whole.
And are willing to make room for another whole person to share life and its experience with. You deserve to look at yourself as someone who is complete without another person, and that any romantic entanglement isn’t because you have been desperate to be complete- but that you have found someone that makes you excited to share your time, love, and energy with. That in itself is even more incredible than believing that someone is your other half- one implies necessity, the other implies desire.
You deserve someone that you desire, not someone that you feel you desperately need. Because you don’t need anyone to complete you- you have always been whole all on your own.