HomeAdviceMy Man Is Inexperienced & Cannot Satisfy Me- Please Advise

My Man Is Inexperienced & Cannot Satisfy Me- Please Advise


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Good day ma,

Please hide my identity. I am a single mother who fell for a man with sweet mouth.My baby daddy was busy sleeping with me and many other ladies. I found out I was not the only one with him after i waited for him for 4 years and no marriage. I decided to move on.

I have been on my own for almost 2 years but I must admit that its not been easy being single and no man in my life. It makes me go back to my baby daddy once in a while. I briefly dated a guy last year but we broke,he did not want a serious relationship. Well,I was done playing games,I am not getting any younger so I told him to move on.

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My prayers have been that God should send me a man that would love me and my son and marry me and be good to me. That is why I have not really gotten any serious person to date.

Anyway,I met my man towards end of December last year. He seemed like a decent man. We met in church. I had just started this church 2 months ago …He seemed like a very dedicated Christian and when he approached me for relationship,I said yes.

To be honest,he is a good man. He treats me with respect and loves my son. He said he will not ask me for s*x until marriage. I told him no problem even though I found it hard to resist him. I mean,I am not the type of girl to wait but if a man says we should wait,then I will try …I do not want to be seen as a wayward girl.

He has met my parents and we plan to have a formal marriage introduction this month. So,our relationship is going fine. I really thank God for bringing  such a good man to me  but during the lock down,we started kissing. It was not easy to resist because we were spending so much time together. I wanted him badly so I changed my mind and decided to SEDUCE him any chance I got.

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Well, he could not resist long enough. From kissing,we began to make love. And that is where the problem started. I found out two main problems: one.he cannot last long in bed. Before I say jack …he has jacked off. That is not my kind of experience ….I want a man that can last at least an hour or 45 minutes of good time.

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Secondly,he refuses to give me a head. But I give him a head and he does not object. I asked him why,he says its not right for a man to give a woman a head because that can ruin the man’s destiny. I told him that is bullsh*t.

Since then,we have not been intimate. I tried to tell him that his belief is not based on anything but he wont listen. When I even suggested he take some drugs to help him last longer,he refuses…I have been doubting my relationship now.

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Its just that I am afraid of being single again. This man loves me and has promised me marriage. He is a good father figure for my son too. He really takes care of me but he is very inexperienced in the bedroom and he does not like when I tell him that. I tried to talk to him about that but he said we should not even be intimate until we are married.

I cannot wait till marriage to make love.Do not judge me but I am an adult that likes love making very well. And that is why I feel he will not be able to satisfy me when we get married if he refuses to talk about his inexperience in bedroom matters. I think he is embarrassed I seem to know more than him on this subject matter. And his ego is not letting him find solution.

I am in a dilemma. Like I said,he is a good man and takes care of me and my son. But what if we are not sexually compatible in the long run? Please what do you advice?


Anonymous Message From Facebook

Photo Credit:t.guardian.ng

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My Man Is Inexperienced & Cannot Satisfy Me- Please Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


    • I dont understand because she like sex she need a laying hand if she start cheating it will be a bad thing abi. Please ooo my sister he cant do his job or talk about it let him go, later in future when you see a hot guy you will start craving for sex. Sex is one of the things that keep marriage oo why do men cheat if there wife cant give them wat they want nd the way they like it.

  1. What matters most is love and it should be the first consideration. Sex of course is too important in marriage as you cannot get enough of it…..is like marriage’s food….. No matter how bad a man performs in sex, he can always improve on it….most men that are very good in bed today started badly but continuous practice and guidance from an experienced woman can make you a lot better. So, good thing you are more experienced than him…be patient and take it easy with him….once he becomes comfortable, he will take those lessons from you and you will be in for a swell time on bed with him…. I hope he eventually gives you a head cos that’s a mind blowing amazing pleasure….

  2. Sex is a very integral element in marriage that no one can do without. If you continue with this issue unsolved you will definitely end up cheating in your marriage, which is very unacceptable.

  3. Firstly, you said you wanted a man who would love you and your son…Now,you have someone and you still not contended with it(asking for more)…

    Since you said he’s not competent enough, please leave that Man in peace and let him find his own world while you go come to the market…You might be lucky this time and if not, it’s up to you…

  4. You wanted a good, caring and understanding man. You got one.
    He didn’t want sex before marriage which is what God also says, you SEDUCED him according to you and he started having sex with you before the marriage.
    Now, you complain he doesn’t last long, he cannot give you a head, bla bla bla.
    Listen, that might not be the real him in bed, he might even be greater and better in bed, but because you made him go against his belief, his conscience may be pricking him, thereby affecting the poor guy.
    Please, leave that man alone and go find someone like you.
    He’s different.

  5. Hmmm…this life they say is not balanced at all(no be me talk am o) madam what else do you want..you want a man that will love you n your son..God has given you that man..will u now because of sex n satisfaction loose him?? I know it’s not easy buh please don’t loose him cos of the reasons you ve given..may God help you.

  6. Inside life sha,oliver twist.Asking for more,my sister there is no man that is 100%,you just have to understand this.Now I understand you love sex and you are more experienced, now don’t be too hard on your man,he is a good man with a good background and upbringing, he might not have been exposed or involved with so many ladies and that’s why he is not experienced.You have to teach him,watch adult sex together,get some books on sex too,teach him foreplay, make sure you are very neat down there since you like him giving you a head.You better marry that man,a man who loves and takes care of you and your son.

  7. The mana at which people behave wen asked for advice is really wrong, honestly. Most times instead of talking to people who will end up criticizing u,u rather keep ur problems to urself,becos u bring a mate for people to advise but instead of advising u, they turn back to criticize u, making it sim like it was a wrong idea to wanting to talk to someone n seek for advice. Some people just can’t stand criticizitsim. If she goes cheating after marriage,we will still be the ones to criticize her. Please let’s try talking to people nicely,lt can help a lot. My dear,like u said, u don’t want to be single again,forget the heads that ur man is not giving u,n consecrate on the other things which he does very well, another thing,since u have discovered that he isn’t very good in the bedroom,try to be the man wenever it’s lovemaking time, ride him,that will help u at some point. N if ur feeling cheated becos u are giving him heads n he’s not,then stop giving him ,if he ask u,tell him ur reasons why u stopped, that’s what i do,i believe in Do me i Do u,i don’t believe in Do me alone or Do u alone, No, thing doesn’t work that way again, life is all about giving n taking,if u don’t give ,u don’t take,it is as simple as that.

  8. Sister he can improve with time! If he hasn’t really proposed, give it time! And bar it in mind, no matter how you turn it, sin is sin! Fornication is sin! God cannot bend his rules! You’re to bend for God and you’ll see him in action!

  9. I will advise you to be a little patient with him.. everything will fall in place with time.love is the major and you’ve got that.

  10. The truth is we know that marriage is a full package in itself, and the best partner to have are those who are teachable and those who have the tendency to dialogue, for compromise and resolution’s are the sureway for progress and continuous suatainance of marriage. That not withstanding we know that some persons are religious fanatics or let me say their beliefs are nothing to debate about, also concerning sexual adventure, I’ve been a keen fan of encouraging people most expecially the youth to mind the kind of sexual adventure they explore, also because you’ve practiced it in previous relationship does not makes it ultimate way to enjoy itimacy, we shouldn’t be use to a pattern only, the purpose of sex in marriage is for pleasure and build itimacy first then other things comes in, also some have lesser libido while the others have higher ones. I think communication is important in that aspect and also we should learn to compromise to atleast not to please the other person but to be compassionate. That said, I think she shouldn’t let low self-esteem of fear of being single or not having anyone to marry her, she can still find love, no matter what, but if someone is good in all areas as she has pointed out, why can’t she see it that sexual satisfaction comes first not on the number of rounds or size of dick, but the degree of openness to Which it’s enjoyed (sex is in the heart) always recognize the effort and consideration of the other partner. Meanwhile I believe with time the man might find the interest of increasing his longitivity during itimacy. But I think it’s not gunine reason to loose a good man for a lifetime journey such as marriage. Thank you

  11. Hello,

    This is a simple matter. If s*xual satisfaction is more important to you than having a loving,caring,father figure for your child…then end that relationship now!

    Your man has shown s*x is not as important as other things for him. He even wanted to wait until marriage but you seduced him.

    Not judging you but clearly both of you have different priorities.

    So except your values and priorities align….do not force it!

    And yes…that is how marriage will be like for him…he may not be the type to talk about s*xual compatibility if you do not go about it the right way.

    I mean,in a marriage…if you want to talk about s*xual inadequacies,you must do so with wisdom and understanding that it may be an uncomfortable subject for your spouse.

    I think you know what you should do now.

    All the best!

  12. I don’t think this will work.
    Your desires are strong.
    Best not to marry Him and then cheat/ regret.
    There’s more to say …

  13. Are you running a marathon race you have to be patient with the man at first the man is unwilling to make love to you before marriage you seduced him, love making is all about the mind if the mind is not willing you may appear weakor you use the traditional way with the fingers

  14. If you continue having sex with him without any tought of regret then u need Jesus my sister because a child of God can not continue in sin without regrets and even want more no matter your condition. A true child of God is seen when he /she is able to stand firm when pressure of life hids in and if u fall, run back to him and genuinely repent. A child of God does not seduce a man to sleep with her. From what you are writing, it shows it doesn’t bother you that you are having premarital sex which is contrary to God’s word. What bothers you most is you getting a man. Seek first the kingdom of God and all other things will be given on to u. Seek to Please God first. God loves you more

  15. Ooh sister there is no prefect person..he cant be perfect in all areas,,,as you said that he is loving and caring , please be patient ,and remember sex is all about your mind set,you might find he’s not comfortable with having sex before marriage as he told…… kindly understand him ,he shall improve

  16. The sexual incompatibility red flag has been shown to you very early. Most marriages are in complete shambles because of this very problem. Lack of adequate sexual satisfaction either from the man or the woman.

    Your man has equally demonstrated that he is not ready to have any form of dialogue about his poor performance. This should be a huge source of concern to you. Forget all these people asking you to wait wait! Wait for someone who is not willing to fix his problem?

    If you go ahead and marry him, be ready to suffer lack of satisfaction for the rest of your marriage. But then, since you are the type that crave quality sexual satisfaction, I can guarantee you that you will at some point start cheating on him. It’s obvious.

    The choice is yours to make. Withdraw and keep waiting or get in and endure. But then, for how long are you willing to endure?

  17. […] a boyfriend and I cant be his side chick anymore. He has two wives,….that should be enough to satisfy him but he says the first wife is not happy he took a second wife so she barely allows him to sleep […]


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