I need your counsel and that of the group. My life is messed up. I am someone that is very disciplined based on my upbringing. I am 30 years old and I have only been in 2 serious relationships until now. I really do not believe in dating if it will not lead to marriage.
So when Tobe (not real name) my colleague started approaching me last year,I was not interested. First,I do not date where I work and Tobe was engaged to someone for over 3 years. They were broken up but I was not sure if they were completely over each other.
Tobe’s girlfriend was well known in our company because she also used to work there until she moved to another company. She is a pretty girl and very easily likable. I never really talked to her but I used to see them together after work as she would come to pick up Tobe or Tobe would be taking her to work sometimes,so they were a known couple.
When they started having issues last year,they broke up and made up several times. They had a really toxic relationship if I must say. I think Tobe’s girlfriend let her beauty get to her head and she was accused of flirting with men. The last straw was that she was rumored to have slept with Tobe’s former boss who actually is her new boss.
You see,Tobe’s former boss got a job in a new company in the same industry and he took some of our staff with him including Tobe’s girlfriend. Of course the pay was better,so who would blame them. But that made things difficult for Tobe’s relationship.They were serious rumors of unfaithfulness from his girlfriend.
So they broke up and Tobe tried to move on. But I did not know that I was his rebound. He put himself into work to forget her and that made us closer because we saw much of each other and he kept really coming after me. Tobe is charming. I did not want to have feelings for him but he pushed hard and I eventually yielded.
I told him though that we cannot let our relationship be known. I do not want people to start talking about us like they used to talk about him and his ex. Truthfully,every girl in my company would be lucky to have Tobe,so for him to be coming for me,I felt kinda special. My only mistake was I never realized he was not over his ex.
Being with Tobe was my happiest in a long time. It was easy to fall in love with him. He seemed to be happy too. I thought he had moved on. He met my family and I met his. We spent everyday after work and weekend together. I was in love and I trusted him too.
Maybe I trusted too blindly but I never saw it coming: Tobe’s wedding card came to our office last year and my colleagues were distributing Asoebi. I was stunned. Tobe is getting married to his ex in August!…this must be a joke right? Because me and Tobe have been dating for the last 5 months. We spend each day together,how and when did he get back to his ex?
I was in shock …so much that I could not face Tobe. Tobe did not even come to me to explain anything. I closed early and went home.Tobe came later and I told myself,I would never speak to him but when he showed up at my doorstep,I opened for him,I wanted to hear his explanation.
And all he was was I am so sorry. I did not mean for all this to happen. That he is madly in love with me but he feels he does not deserve me. That I am to good for him. That his ex came back and they have been working on getting back together but he did not know how to break up with me because he was afraid of loosing me.
Now,can anyone believe the crap coming out of Tobe’s mouth? You love me,yet you are marrying your ex next month?!!! All of these makes no sense. I told him to get out and never speak to me again.I have been crying my eyes out since. Wondering where i went wrong in this relationship?
How did I become a rebound? How do I stop loving this man even after he betrayed me? Working in the same company with him as being difficult. I dread seeing him and I have bee avoiding him but its so hard. He sends me messages everyday,saying I am his everlasting love but someone else will love me better because he is not the one for me.
Tobe told my friend that he knows he goofed but that he is being honest. That he loves me and his ex. But he loves me much more than his ex. But he choose her because he feels he is not good enough for me. That I deserve someone who will love me totally and not be in love with someone else at the same time.
Ma,this makes no sense. Tobe should choose me if he loves me. Why would he not choose me? I believe he is insincere…the fact he keeps saying he loves me is driving me crazy and I cannot focus on my job much. I need your counsel. What do I do?
Part of me feels like letting Tobe’s ex know that Tobe is in love with me to. Maybe,if she saw his text messages to me,she would dump him and then we can be together? I have never fought for a man to love me before. Like I said,its not my upbringing. But this is too hard for me. I am a mess and my heart is completely broken.
I watch and see how everyone is talking about Tobe’s upcoming wedding and I feel like bursting inside. How could he treat me like this? Why should I allow him marry someone else when he has declared his undying love for me? How on earth will Tobe think I am too good for him?
I am finding it hard to move on…do I fight for my relationship? This is BS. I think maybe he is not in his right mind. This cannot be happening…
Please advise me…I am loosing my mind…
Anonymous Lively Stones Whatsapp member