HomeAdviceHow Do I Betray My Faith For The Woman I Love?-Please Advise

How Do I Betray My Faith For The Woman I Love?-Please Advise


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I hope I can get objective suggestions here for the only woman I have truly loved. I am at a cross road here. I am a 34 year old man,doing very well for myself. I have been in love with Raima (not real name) for over 8 years. We met while I was on holidays from school and since then,my life changed.

The thing is,my parents are preachers so I am a preacher’s kid. But Raima is not the same religion as me (I do not want to name any religion because I do not want to call names). Raima and I were initially just very close friends until feelings began to develop.

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We both knew that being together was impossible because of our religions but we could not stay away. We have dated and broken up several times. We have dated other people but we realize we are only happy with each other.

We have had conversations about either one of us to convert to the other person’s religion. I want her to convert to mine and she wants me to convert to hers. That is where the problem is. Trust me,we have argued back and forth about this and ended up breaking up several times because of this, then comin back again.

Two years ago,I finally gave in. I decided to stop doing all these cat and mouse thing. I let her go and promised never to come back to her again. We did not speak to each other for almost two years until 4 months ago. She lost her brother in a ghastly car accident. She called me crying and I knew how close she is to her brother.

Raima was depressed for weeks. Could not eat or sleep. I had to be there for her. She then came to my place,just to chill and forget about the pain that the loss of her brother was causing her.All I wanted to do was to comfort her and be there for her. But my feelings could not stand it.

Raima was in a vulnerable state and I too. We made love several times and got back to right where we were before our break up. Maybe because of the state Raima was in,she was not taking her pills and that is how she got pregnant. My beautiful Raima is pregnant for me. It was not planned but I love her so much.

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The thing is,she wants to keep my baby and I want nothing more than for her to keep it but her family will never accept her marrying me without me converting. And they will kill her for having a baby without being married. Raima is devastated even much more. She is begging me to pretend to convert so her parents can allow us marry but I feel that is betraying my family and my faith.

Its been one hell of a decision to make. She has given me until end of this week to decide or she will terminate the pregnancy. Yes,it feels like shit. If I did not know how it happened, it feels like God and my woman are testing me…I am torn and really do not know what to do. Should I pretend to convert? Just to save my baby?

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I need your objective advise please….


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Issue of religion is a very dicey one. I wish I knew what religion it was or the religions involved. Its abortion not also against her religion ?

  2. I think it is in the hands of the lady that is if she is willing to keep the baby. If she is willing to keep the baby, both of you can face your family tell them the truth but be ready for the rejection too. Together you can make it work and get married legally. Don’t bring up the religion because you knew that from the beginning. I am a Christian and in Christianity you don’t coarse/force people but you win them by prayers and showing them love: love without personal interest.
    If you are a Christian, you can’t compel her to be a Christian just because she wants to marry you. Show her the light by your own fellowship with God and she will follow you. Be the leader share your inspirations from your fellowship with the Holy Spirit. Feed her interest gently and before you know it, she will be converted.

  3. When u pretend to convert now just for her to safe the baby what happens leta after the baby is born? What will u tell ur parents? Y can’t she convert? Na wao, when u guys know very well that u are in a very difficult situation why sleep with her without a condom?

  4. This religion stuff shouldn’t be an issue, nobody should convert anybody for marriage sake. If you guys are willing to keep the baby, you keep it. Her parents won’t kill her, they might get upset initially. Bit in the long run they will come to terms with the reality on ground. That is my humble opinion.

    • I don’t see the need for pretense here. I believe she’s of age. Let her tell her parents she’s pregnant and have the baby. That child is innocent and shouldn’t be made to bear the consequences of your actions.
      You should have both known that you can’t leave your faith for another and not get involved intimately.

  5. You said…..
    “it feels like God and my woman are testing me…I am torn and really do not know what to do.”

    Don’t compromise your “Faith in God” for anything in this World.

    Take the situation to your God sincerely in prayers and the God whom you claimed to know will NEVER disappoint and put you to shame.


    It Shall Be Well.

  6. Hello,

    Please read this

    ‘See that no one is sexually immoral, or is godless like Esau, who for a single meal sold his inheritance rights as the oldest son.
    Afterward, as you know, when he wanted to inherit this blessing, he was rejected. Even though he sought the blessing with tears, he could not change what he had done’. Heb 12: 16 – 17

    Do not pretend to deny your faith that is similar to Esau giving up his birthright for a morsel of bread.

    S.x outside marriage is sin, please repent , take time to fast and pray about this situation. There are ways God can resolve this whole thing.

    It’s your baby , so you’ll have to provide and support her emotionally however you must not convert or pretend to convert to any form of worship besides the way of the word.

    What are your core beliefs and convictions, converting should not be an option . You know what the scriptures says about being unequally yoked, you know the story of Samson, the way he was brought up, his attraction inspire of his fathers earning and where that landed him, you choose your path.

    Don’t hide what’s going on from your parents , take time out with God. He can sort this.

    All the best,

  7. Don’t marry a Philistine or the Devil will be your Father in law.

    Your marriage should not be only for love but to fulfill God’s purpose in kingdom advancement.

    To add…

  8. You don’t convert to save a baby, Abortion is a Sin against God. Keep the baby each of you should talk to your parents.

  9. Hello,

    I would advise as Uche has done above. Do not give up your faith. Let her decide whatever she wants to do with the baby.

    But I would rather the baby is kept as the baby is innocent and deserves a chance to life.

    As for getting married to her…your marriage will not be a successful one if you both have different faith beliefs.

    Its time to stop living by your emotions for each other. Your faith is your belief in God. That should not be sacrificed for your emotions. Its way deeper than that.

    Time will heal all wounds….this is not a healthy relationship. The ultimatum is a huge red flag!

    Let her go and find a an with same faith as hers.

    God bless you.


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