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My Marriage Is Falling Apart – Is Kayanmata The Only Way Out?- Pls Help!

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Hi all,

My marriage is falling apart, please help me. I been a silent follower for some months now. I like the way you give advise. Please share my story but hide my identity. I have been married for four years to a very good man but my husband does not love me. In fact he is in love with someone else.

I met my husband five years ago. He was in a relationship at that time. But his family did not like the lady he was with. And his family are very religious people. They actually told him that there were several visions that lady was not his wife.

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So,there were having several issues,the family too did not support their union. When I met him,he told me he was trying to forget her and we started seeing each other. When she found out about us,the lady broke up with him. That cleared the way for us.

We are from the same place. The family welcomed me with open arms. I got pregnant 6 months later and we quickly arranged for our wedding. We were happy and moving on with our lives. Everything was good. I had my second child last year. That was when I started noticing the distance between me and my husband.

I thought it was because of the pregnancy. He refused to make love to me most times. So,I thought it was because of my big stomach. But it did not change after I put to bed last October. Since then,our marriage just became more and more distant. He would not touch me and when I make advances,he would reject me.

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I would cry and ask him what I did to him. He would say nothing. This continued for 3 months. I had to call my pastor’s wife. She spoke to him and he told her that his heart is no longer in the marriage. That he is not attracted to me anymore. Just like that?

They started to counsel us but he never showed any interest. I have been praying and fasting for months about this matter. His family also became involved. Everyone asked me to be patient and prayerful.

When I prayed,God opened my eyes that my husband is still in love with that his ex. So,I discreetly checked his phone which I have never done before. And there is was,he was chatting with her. Obviously,he and her have been talking for a long time and possibly sleeping together.

Also Read >>  How To Identify When Someone Don’t Really Love You

He apologized to her several times for not standing by and listening to his family break them apart. They have daily chats. Some very sexual daily chats. He is begging her to accept him back because he is not happy in his marriage to me. I could not read further. I was heartbroken.

I told my sister what I discovered and she warned me not to say anything. That if my husband find out that I went through his phone,I will only push him further to that lady. Everyone is asking me to be calm. But my heart is bursting every day. I cannot take it anymore.

I did not force myself into this marriage. My husband was the one who came to me that he wanted to forget about his ex. I did not force him. Why is he trying to humiliate me now? I feel so bad. Sometimes,I feel like confronting that lady to leave us alone. We have 2 children and we were happy until 8 months ago.

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A friend of mine has asked me to go use Kayanmata (special oil to attract men) to get my husband back. She advised me to use traditional means to get my husband back. I don’t know if I can use it as a Christian but people say its good and after all, its for my man…

Every day,I see I am loosing my husband. What do I do? He will not listen to counselling. I have prayed and prayed. I feel like he wants me to be fed up and leave. He might even leave me…I am so scared. He does not care about anything …even the children, he does not play with them anymore.

I love my husband and I never planned on divorcing. Not so young with two young children. What can I do? Is the Kayanmata my only hope?Will there be any repercussions? Please I will be waiting for your views and advise.

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My Marriage Is Falling Apart - Is Kayanmata The Only Way Out?- Pls Help!
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

8 COMMENTS

  1. I feel really sad for you. I can imagine what it feels like to be in a loveless marriage.
    What I think is that maybe it’s your husband’s ex who has done something to him to make him change towards you. For his changes to extend to his children, shows that he is clearly not in his right senses.
    So, I will not advice you to go traditional. Man-made solutions in matters like this will only complicate things and end in regret.
    You have to go to the source of ultimate power, and that is God.
    I believe you are a believer in the Almighty God, so that shouldn’t be a problem to you.
    You have to get your husband back from the strange woman.
    In as much as you are the lawfully wedded wife, he is your husband.
    Get closer to God in serious prayers. Tell your spiritual leaders to join you in prayer. Make it a time of serious supplications to God.
    Meanwhile, keep loving your husband, don’t change your attitude towards him in any way.
    I believe God is above any juju, voodoo or whatever. He will surely settle the matter.
    Cheers

  2. Only pray oooo,don’t use it biko nne,there is a God that answers prayers,please use Him.He alone knows the beginning from the end,thanks.

  3. Hello,

    I think its safe to say you did not know your husband well enough before marrying him.

    You needed time to have courted him and making sure he was completely over his ex before marrying him.

    Now,you need to approach your husband and let him know you about his relationship with his ex.

    Do not be afraid…you cannot keep a man who does not want to be kept. Marriage is good but you cannot base your happiness on a spouse.

    Learn to survive irrespective of who you are married to. Life happens. Sometimes,things do not work out. Do not stop living because things didnt work out the way you wanted.

    So,speak to him and let him know how much his actions are hurting you .

    And tell him that you love him and you are praying for him.

    Do not try to force yourself on him or use kayanmata…that will not be true love.

    Just pray for him…and be prepared. He may or may not choose you but you have to make up your mind t live your life happy irrespective.

    By God’s divine intervention,this marriage still has a chance. If not…its not the end of the world.

    No need crying over a man who’s heart is with another woman.

    Just start having a plan B…just in case.

    You will be fine eventually. Stop crying and start planning!

  4. Hello,

    Patience and prayers….and more patience and more prayers is what is needed.

    Its one thing to catch someone cheating..its another if they are unwilling to stop cheating.

    So,its either you have some patience and keep praying or for your sanity….accept the situation and either move on or try to live with it.

    As you pray…God will show you what to do,what to say and maybe….one day…he would realize his errors and turn back to his marriage.

    Do not let this put you down or discourage you. Its not so much your fault..maybe you ignored the red flags at the beginning of your relationship but you cannot change a grown man if they do not want to be changed.

    Marriage therapy is only effective when the couple agree to do it together and move ahead with the recommendations of the therapy.

    In the meantime,just be strong….do not let this weigh you down…take one day at a time.

    If he can make it to professional therapy…and God opens his eyes..there is hope!

    God bless.

  5. Meanwhile…kayanmata is not the way.

    From research…it could have adverse effects.

    Any love that is not natural …will eventually fade away.

    Be cool.

  6. Of a truth.some woman always feeling they’re better than others.in this your act.you feels that you’re Sharp more than his ex.when a man and woman are being separated.you thinks all is good according to your plans.certaintly capital know.you behalf like a baby way never experienced life from the beginning.even if a divorce relationship can be reconciled.it become separation.family case not the man issues with her ex.you just come like a village woman.be fucking and laying eggs.there is know love on this your claimed marriage.the foundation of every family is love.and have knowledge of whom you are married.you just believe on his family and your pastor.of a truth.there is nothing them can do for you.is a spirit of a man makes his choice and marry to his twin spirit.your kayamata can not even solve your issues.the man wants to used you wipe his soak wound.because of your foolishness have sex with him.you get married.tied soul can still fight back his position and win.get ready to live.she is free in her soul that was tied.know matter how all of you cage her spirit that mate soul will still come back.finally be thinking twice.your believe has failed you.you believe on using pregnant to tied a man.is impossible.the mistake has been made my dear.the main owner is awake.

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