HomeAdviceA Married Woman Is Blackmailing My Husband-Please Advise

A Married Woman Is Blackmailing My Husband-Please Advise


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Hello ma, is this woman is blackmailing my husband?

I need your advice on this matter. I really am confused and hurt. I do not know who to turn to. My husband and I have been married for 8 years,we have four children. About four months ago, I found out that he was having an affair with a lady in our church,who he helped to get a job in the same company where they work.

This lady is even engaged to be married.I was devastated by this betrayal. How I found out was when I travelled with the children during the covid-19 lock down period. Myself and the children were trapped in Calabar where we went for Easter holiday. Every day,my husband would call to say he misses me and all .

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So, I decided to surprise him.I took a very big risk by travelling back to Lagos. We took some dangerous routes to avoid being caught by police and all. I was so determined to give him a surprise that I did not call him at all.

I got to Lagos around 7pm that day. I was able to get to our home in Festac around 8.30pm. I have my own key so I opened the door into our house and instead of surprising my husband who was claiming to be missing me all day,I was surprised when I walked into my husband making love to another woman.

I screamed. They jumped and my husband looked like he saw a ghost. They were locked in intimacy in my bedroom. This was like a Nollywood movie. I never would have believed my own husband would have been able to do this,if I did not catch him red handed.

Our marriage was not perfect but I never had any reason to suspect my husband of cheating. I thought our marriage was over. I recognized this girl who is engaged to someone in our church. I could not believe what was going on behind my back.

My husband begged and begged. He said he did not want anyone to know about the affair because he could be suspended at work. My husband is a manager in their company. Even to though I was so hurt, I decided to forgive, not to end my marriage because of this one mistake. At least, that was what I thought when this happened four months ago.

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Well, to my greatest surprise, I found out that this girl got married last weekend and my husband bought her a car as a wedding gift. I did not know anything about the car until the husband of this girl called me to thank me specially for the car and that they planned to come thank us but my husband said that I was not in town.

I was shocked again. I confronted my husband. Why would he buy a car for this girl and her husband. And he said that the girl was planning to expose my husband and their affair to the management of their company if my husband did not buy a car for her.

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I was like : so the car is for the girl to be quiet about the affair? Her husband is not aware …he thinks its just a gift? He said yes. This really hurt me because not only is this girl equally at fault for the affair, she is blackmailing my husband for it. I feel very angry about this.

I do not understand why my husband is allowing the girl to manipulate him. I feel like he is not telling me the whole truth. What if he is still involved with her? I want to expose this girl but my husband is begging me. Saying that if I do,she will tell everyone in the company about him and ruin his reputation and he will be suspended,if not loose his job.

Do you believe my husband? What if everyone knows? Is the girl too not going to loose out if the affair is exposed? I hope these people are not taking me for a fool? How do I make sure this is not a plot to deceive me. I pity that man who married that girl. Not knowing his wife’s lover bought them a car.

I need to talk to someone. I am not happy about the affair or the car or even the fact that they work in the same place and may still be seeing each other. Is she truly blackmailing my husband or my husband is just making up this story? I need advise before I loose my mind.


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Pls tell the girl’s husband, hear from him first,then collect the car from her,period.What nonsense! You people have to sign an agreement that she will never talk or call or even text your husband again,she should also behave as if she doesn’t know your husband while they are working together in the same office,have this agreement with her husband and your husband, case closed,or else she would loose her marriage,and it has to be documented incase any person wants to go against it.

  2. Madam,your husband is lying to you
    Fine…..he missed you by bringing in another woman…..sun’s forgiven
    He should have told you about the girl blackmailing him then you two can put heads together to know what to do
    Secondly I don’t think the girl is blackmailing him cos she herself doesn’t want a scandal too especially as her marriage is extremely young.
    Thirdly why will your husband be sacked when he didn’t force her,not that he dragged her to the house but she came willing
    Your husband is yet to tell you everything and let go of the girl
    My advice, meet the girl and confront her threat to expose her too to her husband and her in-laws,let’s see who will loose

    • Your husband is not being sincere to you.
      Why lie to the lady’s husband that you traveled when he wanted to come and appreciate both of you for the car?
      Did you say she’s married to someone in your church? In that case, if your husband wants to prove to you that he is no longer going out with her, let him follow you to report her to the church authorities, tell them about the blackmail and demand for the car back.

  3. Your husband is not telling you the truth.. they are both adults, nobody will sack him for a mutual relationship unless your husband has a secret in the office that this lady knows of or he’s not ready to give up on this relationship…
    I’ll advice you go to this lady threaten her that you will expose her to her husband… if she cares about her marriage she will open otherwise that means there’s something this lady and your hubby are trying to cover up, probably from work

  4. Plenty lies,chai that ur husband can lie for Africa ,what is the relationship between the girl n the company? Apart from the fact that she is an employee what else is she? The owner of the company or her father is the owner of the company? This are the questions u need to ask ur husband. How on Earth can a man tell his wife that the reason why he bought a car for his side chick is for not to relve the truth to the staff in his office. If that’s the case who is supposed to loose more in this context? She or the man? If she tell everyone in their office that she n ur husband are having an affair? Madam u really need to calm down n tell to ur husband about this situation o, becos the it sim,that woman may have an upper hand then u ,even if u are in the house as the wife
    N what u need to do is confront the woman,let her know u know what she is trying to do,, but before u confront her,tell her husband first, so that her husband will know the kind of woman he got married to. N let her husband also feel the pain u are feeling right now

    Good luck n cheers

  5. Madam, your husband is not telling you the fruit and with all your explainations ,there’s proof that they are still dating each other,so you have to report her to the pastor since you said you attend the same church, so that she can leave your husband for you.


  6. Madam your husband is a big liar. Go to the ladies house with someone especially a family member and a friend and confront the lady in front of her husband. Then report her to the church and collect the car from her. Then settle the remaining score with your husband.

  7. Hello madam,

    First, with all you have said…your husband has not been completely honest with you.

    The fact that he even bought her a car without your knowledge goes to show that their relationship was not a mere fling.

    You need to ask yourself if you are ready for some real answer or you keep playing the ostrich.

    This is because…if you dig further….what you find might hurt…but at least…you will know the truth and decide what to do moving forward.

    My theory is that….their relationship is not over.

    If you tell the woman’s husband….worst case,they break up but she comes back to your husband fully.

    So, the way forward: get your husband to marriage therapy and find out the real truth and see if he willing to star making amends.

    And if he willing to make real amends…That car must be returned. That is a slap. Let the woman’s husband know. It does not matter even if the whole world knows…no need to cover your sins if you want to be really forgiven.

    But if he is not willing to make amends….then all you can do is pray or accept it.

    Remember,all these happening is not your fault. Your husband failed as a husband. He has a chance to restore his place as a husband because you forgave him…

    But its up to him to show that he deserves that forgiveness.

    Be strong….in the end…you will be fine.

    Just do not get fooled anymore.

    God bless.

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