HomeAdviceLiving In Bondage: My Cousin's Marriage Is Like Living In Hell-Please Advise

Living In Bondage: My Cousin’s Marriage Is Like Living In Hell-Please Advise

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Living In Bondage: My Cousin’s Marriage Is Like Living In Hell-Please Advise

Hello ma,

I need you to post this for me. I am very angry and I want to know what other people think about this.  I live in Abeokuta with my family. Recently, I travelled to Lagos and before I travelled, I told my cousin that is in Lagos that I might come over to stay with them for like a week or so.

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I noticed she tried to make it look like their houses is not convenient, she said,no space abi their house is full. I was like,I will manage..no need to be worried about me getting comfortable. I told her except she does not want me to come. Later,she agreed.

When I arrived in Lagos,she  paired me to sleep in the same room as her house girl. I noticed the girl did not like me. She was giving attitude right from the minute I got in. I was even shocked to see she was also giving attitude to my cousin.

Like 3 days later,I asked her help me boil water to bathe…she just told me that I should do it myself,that she does not work for me. I got angry and told my cousin. My cousin just kept quiet and told me to ignore her.

That made me think like…why is my cousin condoning this rubbish? I asked my cousin why…she said nothing. That she has had plenty house helps..that they are all the same. That if she keeps changing them…that how many will she change?

I was like…that response from my cousin is not making sense. To be honest, I decided to mind my business until the last day. After all,I am only visiting for one week. It was clear all is not well but I decided to mind my business if my cousin decided to manage the girl like that.

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When I got back to Abeokuta,I called my cousin,just to say thank you for accommodating me and all. And then,I told her that she should not have to put up with her rude house girl. That was when she told me that the husband flirts with the girl.

I was like…why…she said because she herself cheated on her husband 3 years ago and since then,the man uses every opportunity to taunt her because of her past indiscretion. That its  and he does it with all the girls that come to work as house help.

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I was like,so why does she accept it…she says she cannot do anything because the man would be like…I forgave you wjust flirtinghen you betrayed me. That she cannot complain when he just does ordinary flirting.

So I asked her: what if he is doing more than flirting….and she says…she has not caught him red handed. That even if she catches him, its better…so at least, they will be even and he will stop taunting her with her cheating past.

When I asked her why she allows house girls knowing the kind of husband she has…she says that her job does not give her time to care for her children. I somehow think my cousin is just wishing the man will cheat so she can rest from his accusations,so she keeps bringing girls into her home so he can cheat.

I know my assumption is crazy but how else do I explain this rubbish? I think the man is being unfair to my cousin. My cousin is not happy in that marriage. Cos,after speaking to her ..she started crying. I feel so bad and so angry. I feel like calling the man and telling him to stop hurting my cousin but my cousin begged me to keep my mouth shut.

Now,I am so angry and I wish I can help her or talk to someone who can help her. How can I just keep my mouth shut and mind my business knowing my cousin needs help(your advise), she is in a marriage where the husband is entertaining house girls just because she cheated? How are we even sure he is not even sleeping with them?

What can I do? she cheated Should I really keep quiet? But this is so wrong…I need advise please…

 

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Photo Credit:quickanddirtytips

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Living In Bondage: My Cousin's Marriage Is Like Living In Hell-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

8 COMMENTS

  1. It’s quite unfortunate for your cousin.
    Let her open up to someone she knows the husband respects about her past infidelity and let the matter be settled once and for all.
    Her continual stay in that mental torture can cut short her life.

  2. My advice is for the woman to confront her husband and tell him he is hurting her with this pain. Her silence and acceptance of this whole issue is giving the husband more reasons to taunt her.

    They should have a open heart to heart discussion, and if that doesn’t work, they should take the matter to the family.

    But if the man is not interested in forgiving her, maybe he should let her go ( I doubt if he is happy in the marriage because of this issue).

  3. I will advise you to walk away from the torture..you might run mad one day or run into another vehicle while driving.you needs your peace cos if you have apologized and he’s bent on doing you evil by torturing you then you have to leave that’s no more marriage abeg.

  4. very sad. please tell your hubby he’s hurting you by his actions. if he cannot forget the past,then let him divorce you.

  5. The husband is not only flirting but cheating on your cousin too…

    It’s not a do or die affair, let her walk away…The husband is a wicked and heartless being…

  6. See them all saying the husband is a wicked being,who sent her to cheat?she is even lucky sef the man is nice,u have no right whatsoever to even talk if he fucks another woman in ur bed cos u opened the Pandoras box so two can play at that game and if u cant handle it then leave the marriage cos im sure the husband even feels disgusted by the sight of u so just leave if its too much for u..I hope the cheating was woth ur pain now tho..radarada

  7. Hi,

    Your cousin’s marriage is not yours. Whatever is going on in her marriage is not for you to fix.

    Your only job is to support your cousin through out by praying for her and being a shoulder for her rely on.

    The husband is in the wrong but do we really know why he cannot seem to forgive and forget whatever his wife may have done to him?

    Like I said….pray for them..that God will guide them and help them repair whatever needs fixing in their marriage.

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