HomeAdviceIts Been Three Years Of Waiting-Will My Wife Ever Come Back Home?

Its Been Three Years Of Waiting-Will My Wife Ever Come Back Home?


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Its Been Three Years Of Waiting-Will My Wife Ever Come Back Home?

Good evening ma,

I got your email from a colleague of mine. I want you to help me, to counsel me on the best decision to take at this moment of my life. I am a 39 year old man, doing well for myself. I got a good job and also my business. I got married to the love of my life 8 years ago.

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The love of my life is Grace (not real name). We became lovers from year two in the university. Grace was the light of my life. Having come from a very poor background myself,Grace gave me hope to live and become successful in life.

Grace believed in me and was always supporting me, with school fees, moral support, advice, etc. We graduated from school and started from very humble beginnings. Her parents especially her father felt I was not good enough for her but she stuck with me.

When we left school, we had no accommodation so we squatted with friends, slept in locked up shops until things began to pick up for us. We got married when I landed my first job in the bank. She was not so lucky, she decided to go into business.

That was how we lived our lives. I was working at the bank and she gradually grew her baking business from working from home. We have two children who are my entire life. All these while that we were married, Grace family still did not accept our marriage. Only her mother and siblings were a bit friendly to us.

Grace father never accepted me. Until 3 years ago. Grace father suddenly began to show interest and become nice to us. Grace was so happy and I was too. He invited Grace to come see him in their home town.

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Grace travelled with our children to see her dad. All was well but after 4 days that she was supposed to return back home, Grace did not return. I was expecting to pick her from the motor park but she never called me to say she had arrived Lagos.

So I called her. I called several times but she never picked up. I became worried so I called her mother. Her mother said Grace did not travel. I was shocked. I asked her to give Grace the phone but she said Grace did not want to speak to me.

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I became really very worried. I kept calling till the next day. Grace refused to pick my call or talk to me when I spoke through her mother’s phone. I had to travel to their place 4 days later.

On getting to their place, I saw Grace and my children. They looked happy but Grace said to me,that she is not coming back to Lagos. I thought she was joking. I looked at her to see if she was not feeling fine but she seemed very fine.

I began to worry  about my wife’s behavior. I called our pastor who asked to speak with her on the phone but my wife refused. I knelt down and begged my wife. I cried and begged her to return. She just looked at me and said: its over.

I begged my inlaws. Her mother and father: to talk to her. Her mother only shook her head. Her father did not even listen to me. He asked me to leave his house. I returned to lagos the next day confused and scared.

It was obvious something was wrong with my wife. What had they said to her? what had they done to her? Why did she reject me? We never had an issues before. We loved each other. I began to regret allowing her go to her parents place.

My pastor and my family members at different times went to see her and beg her. She totally refused to listen to anyone. I was so heartbroken. It affected my job and I almost lost my job. I could not eat or do anything. I became a shadow of myself.

I travelled every month to see her and my children. She would allow me see the children but refused to speak with me. It broke my heart each time I went to see them. Several prayers and deliverance were made: nothing.

That is how the first year went by and I lost my wife. She was with her parents. I see my children from once a month to like once in 3 months. It became more and more discouraging when it appeared nothing seemed to be changing.

Its been three years since my wife moved out of our marriage. I told myself, I would give her two years to return. But two years passed and nothing happened. Infact, my wife started dating someone else.

I began to start afresh. Its very hard but I tried. I met an amazing woman early this year. She loved me even in my pain. I only promised her friendship but She cared for me. I explained to her and she was very understanding. This woman comforted me and gave me my strength back.

I have not slept with any woman since the last three years. Yes,that is how long I have waited. But I need a woman and my new lady friend has been so kind and patient with me.I know she is waiting for me to make love to her cos the chemistry between us is very strong now.

My heart is torn. No doubt, Grace is the love of my life. I want to go back to her and start all over again but after three years of waiting,do you think she would ever come back to me?From her behavior,it seems very bleak that she would but who knows…

Maybe its  time to file for a divorce or should I still have faith in her and wait a little more? My family and everyone says its time to move on. I need your advice. Its it time to move on? Its not been easy,I miss the warmth of a woman. I just need to be sure I have done everything I can do…please advise.

Thank you


Anonymous Email Post


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Its a pity you have to go through this,Grace is under a spell now which was placed on her by her father,her father never liked you in the first place.What you should do now is to hold on for like another year because of your children and see if she would come back to her senses,then if she doesn’t, pls remarry.You are too young to be single and waiting for one woman who is now under a spell,nobody knows when she will be delivered from the demonic spell.

  2. I feel you should move on.. you have tried as a man.. waiting for 3years no be beans o.. I salute you for keeping yourself for that long.. It’s time to move on. But never you forget going to visit your kids..try as much as possible to keep in touch with them.. God be with you in the decision you take.

  3. For me it’s time for you to move on. You have to move on with your life.Three years is not three months. Time with for nobody. Time wait for nobody. My brother. Greece of making a decision.
    This is me exactly three years and.I only make a decision of moving on this year. I cannot be keeping myself for three years. Without having any sexual contact with any woman. While someone is having sexual contact with someone. Three years is not a mistake. Just consider it. I know it’s very difficult for you. If I can take this step of moving on. You can also take that step. Me I tried to commit suicide. Several times. But God kept me alive. That means. She was not meant for me. My brother move on. Thank you so much. I hope you remember this.

  4. Until you get closure from your wife there is no way you can move on.
    You need to get to the root of the matter.
    Sincerely pray and fast. Then approach your wife again to tell you her reasons for leaving you.
    God is faithful, He will show you the way.
    In the meantime let your girlfriend know your mind ( that you are still interested in reuniting with your wife) and let her decide if she can wait or not. Your girlfriend deserves to know her stance.

  5. Chai. Very touching,but there’s nothing u can do now rather than to move on, three long yrs is enough to wait for someone. What can we say? U can only want to wait for someone who is also waiting for u or giving you hopes n the strength to wait. But in this case,u are all alone, so please try burying the past n move on,becos if u ask me,she had moved on long ago. N u need to do one thing, please stop begging her to come back,becos the more u beg her,the more she makes u feel or think u can’t do without her. So please let her be, it will help u heal faster. One thing u should know is that if that woman didn’t look at how u guys began n went to the village n didn’t come back n decided to stay with her family n deny u. Then I’m sure that the father has done something to her to make her forget u.remember her father has never been in support of the marriage from the beginning,so stop begging her to come back to u. N since the children are there with her,just try ur best to always visit them n do ur best as their father.

    Good luck n weldone.

  6. This is so so sad.
    Your wife is definitely under a spell by her father. She is not in her right senses at all.
    Please, for the sake of the love you have for her, I would love you to still hold on.
    You need to seek for serious prayers. As a believer in Christ myself, I don’t believe there is anything or power greater than the Almighty God. He is above all.
    You need to go the extra mile to get the love of your life back.
    First of all, make sure you are in right standing with God. That is, you are truly a child of God, washed in the precious blood of Jesus Christ.
    I don’t know how much of spiritual battles your church knows about, but this matter needs serious prayers.
    Position yourself to really pray about this matter. Seek for assistance from deliverance ministers whom you are sure are true children of God, whether from your church or not. Find out about prayer mountains where you can go on a personal retreat to fast and pray, you will also meet prayer warriors there. Sue that evil father in law to the court of heaven.
    I tell you, God will surely break the yoke.

  7. It’s time to move on bros..it’s clear her family has done something to her spiritually and it’s not going to wash of her eyes anytime soon..just move on with your life..I pray God bless and strengthen your new relationship.

  8. It is time to move on after three years especially so when Grace and/or her parents refuse to say why they don’t want their daughter to return to her husband’s house.

  9. I’ll suggest you find out what really happened either from the mum to make it easier for you to move on and while doing this seek the face of God because it is a spiritual warfare.

    For your lady friend, let it be one step at a time and do make sure you’re emotional sound to accept whatever outcome of your decision

    May God see you through this phase… Amen

  10. Hi,

    I sincerely feel your wife was under a strange influence. My advice is for you to continue to pray for her.

    For how long should you pray?As long as you can. Keep praying because there is not explanation for a woman to leave her home that was her sanctuary and happy place at one time….and completely refuse to come back.

    This is clearly spiritual. Especially because she has refused help or counseling to resolve whatever her grouse may be.

    You have done a great job waiting and still visiting your children. Just continue for as long as you can.

    When you feel you cannot wait anymore…then finalize everything legally before moving on.

    God bless you


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