Help: My Marriage Was A Huge Lie & The Most Devastating Heartbreak
I came across your blog recently and I must say that I am most impressed by the content and the way issues are dealt with right here. I want to share my story and also receive counsel from you guys. Please hide my identity.
I met my ex husband in church three years ago. He seemed like a very good guy,always committed in church activities. He had actually just relocated from PH to Lagos. He was well known as a very committed brother and it was surprising that he was such a successful single man.
Well, I instantly had a crush on him. I met him after seeing from afar and I was really blushing when he shook my hands. His charm was easy to fall for. I imagined he had that effect on most girls.
We would see each other from then on and smile and say hello. Until,I could not hold it anymore,I asked him why he is still single. He said he was waiting for the right girl. I was like,what if the right girl is standing in front of you,would you know? He took my cue and was like,maybe you are the right girl.
He took my number and that was how we began to date for the next few months. I was struck in love. He was everything I wanted in a man. Prayerful,hardworking,had his own job and very caring. I wanted to marry him and I wanted him so much. We had times we make out but I was a virgin and told him that I was waiting for marriage.
He asked me to marry him and I said yes. He wanted a small wedding because he did not believe in spending for a wedding which is just an event,he wanted us to save for our marriage instead. I just loved how he thought. So wise and smart.
Our wedding was a small intimate affair and it was the happiest day of my life. I considered myself very blessed to have married such a handsome and committed man. Until, rumors started to fly. It first came from my cousins. They said that they heard my husband had gotten someone pregnant in PH before coming to Lagos.
Thereafter, we also heard he is married to someone in UK. It seemed like bad people trying to ruin our happiness because I asked my husband and he denied everything. And I believed him. But barely a year into the marriage, the truth came crashing on me.
His UK wife called me and told me they were legally married. That she found out he was cheating on her with PH girls so she went to UK to cool her head.That they have 2 sons. She showed me pictures. That my husband is mentally unstable. That he lies a lot and even with me,he has been talking to her about reconciling with her for their son’s sake.
And yes,it turns out he got at least 3 ladies pregnant in PH. I cannot explain everything in this email. It will take so much time. All these revelations happened in one year of marriage. I am only trying to sum it up. Now I understood why he wanted a small wedding.
His family knew about their son’s deceit and kept quiet. I was so broken and depressed that I contemplated suicide several times. My family tried to support me but I went through the most humiliating divorce of my life. All my ex husband could say was sorry. I felt like killing him.
Our divorce was finalized in the second year and since then,my life has never been the same. I suffer from depression now and again. I have serious trust issues. I do not know if I will ever be able to find love. I could not come out of my house for almost 7 months.
I find it hard to go to church now cos I feel betrayed after getting a good church man to marry only to have been publicly humiliated. I kept my virginity for 28 years, only to loose it to a cheating husband.
All my life, I refused to date men whom I felt were not serious about me. How did I not see this coming? How did I not sense this would happen to me…I feel like I failed myself and maybe God failed me too.
I do not know how to move forward in my life. My family is worried about me. I am worried about me. What should I do? I yearn for love yet I am scared to even think I could ever fall in love. They say time heals but I feel like I am forever damaged goods. Is there any hope for me?
Please advise me….how do I even begin to hope again….its been more than a year after the divorce…its so hard for me…
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