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After Two Years Of Living Together:My Fiance Will Only Marry Me On One Condition

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After Two Years Of Living Together:My Fiance Will Only Marry Me On One Condition

Hello ma,

I need your advice. Hide my identity. I have been in a loving relationship with a divorcee. Our relationship is over 2 years now. My fiance is sweet and takes care of me, but since he told me he is interested in me,its been over 9 months but nothing has been done.

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As expected, I have become worried that he does not seem to be saying anything about our marriage. So, I had to ask him where our relationship was heading to. That was about like 6 months ago. He told me not to worry,that marriage is before the end of this year.

At least,we will do introduction he said.Now,its August and he still is keeping mute. So,I asked again,when is our introduction: is it September or October or November or December? He then got a little upset and said,have I not told you before the end of the year?

I was like,even if its before the end of the year,shouldnt we talk about it and prepare for it? He then said the way am going about this marriage thing,he does not like it. That he has been married before,he does not want to be rushed into marriage and make the same mistake.

Ok,so he was married to someone for six years and he said to me that the ex wife was always having miscarriages and was suspecting everyone in his family of being against her which was not true. That the lady eventually ran off with her ex lover.

So saying he would make the same mistake is baffling for me. If anything,I have shown commitment to him and his family loves me. I believe two years is enough to date someone before marriage. If he is not making up his mind,I will leave. He cannot use the fear of his last marriage to tie me down.

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Yesterday, I was so down and depressed because of this. He kept asking me what was the matter. I said nothing. In the night,he tried to touch me and I pushed him away. That got him angry. He said some things …maybe in anger but they really hurt me.

He said that why am I desperate to get married to him when I have not even gotten pregnant for him after two years of dating?. I was like what? He said yes…that he has been waiting for me to get pregnant…that we have been sexually active for two years and I have never missed my period once.

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So, apparently, he wants me to get pregnant before marrying me. I told him I have been on contraceptives and I will not get pregnant until after marriage. He said he wants proof that I will give him a child before he will marry me. That his ex wife was always having miscarriage and deprived him of having children for six years of marriage.

Ma,this revelation through me off balance. So,all these while,he has been waiting for me to be pregnant? Well, I told him no…no pregnancy until marriage. He then said…then there is no need to us to be together. I was shocked…I asked him what he meant by that,…and he said it again.

That was last night. Since then,we have not been speaking with each other. He left early this morning and I am just so hurt that I feel like packing my bags and leaving this house and relationship right away.

I called my friend and told her. She was like,if that is what it would take to get married,then I should get pregnant. Afterall,he is showing he loves me and he takes really good care of me. That we have been living together ..almost like husband and wife…so why wait to get pregnant.

My friend even warned me not to allow another woman get pregnant for him before me …otherwise,he might marry that person cos he is obviously desperate for a child.

Its just against my personal principle. But if he says its over between us, should I change my mind and get pregnant? I love my fiance so much. I do not want to loose him…I just do not like this condition he is giving me.

How do I convince him to wait till we get married? Or do you think I should get pregnant like he said? I need your advise.

 

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After Two Years Of Living Together:My Fiance Will Only Marry Me On One Condition
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. Its obvious that having children is a top priority for your man. So you need to prove to him that your are fit to have children.

    I think you should both go for a medical check up and see if you both are compatible and health to have children.

    Then you also need to move out of that house. Moving into a Man’s house is not proper. That is why he has delayed in doing the right thing. You are already living with him as a wife, so why should he go through the stress of marrying you ( especially with the fact that his first marriage didn’t work ). Living with a man outside marriage beclouds your sense of judgement, limit chances of other potential suitor seeing you, reduces your self worth in the presence of the man, and many more.

    Tell him you are willing to do a medical check but insist that you are not going to get pregnant except he marries you. You need to also do an independent research on why his first marriage didn’t work and finally move out of the house!!!!

  2. Nne why are you living with a man who has not even done introduction how much more paying your bride price?Don’t you know it is not right in the first place,you actually made him to relax concerning the issue of marriage because you are already living with him.It is wrong to get pregnant before marriage, the institution called marriage is not for you to get pregnant before marriage, you have been preventing for 2years and now he wants a baby before marriage, what if you have damaged your womb in the process of taking contraceptive?That man does not love you,he still lives in the past,he just wants children from you,and that’s all.Marriage is more than just living together oooo,there is more to it,you better be patient and get somebody who truly loves you and will not give you condition, is he by anyway doing you a favour?Are you forcing him to marry you or have you shown him that you are desperate and that’s the only reason he is giving you condition. It is better marrying late than marrying the wrong person.Pls leave his house this minute

  3. Do not get pregnant to get married.

    God created the order this way: get married and get pregnant!

    He clearly wants children than he wants you. And if he finds out you cannot give him children,he would not want you.

    Question: are you willing to live like that? Knowing you are not his priority?

    The ball is in your court…choose what is more meaningful to you.

  4. The man still has issues from his previous marriage that’s why he hasn’t taken any interest in you,he knows you are desperate for marriage that’s why he has relaxed and why should he when he is getting all the husband privileges for free. My sister a man has already proven to you that he only needs a child, if l were you l would leave why stay with someone who is threatening me or thinking his doing me a favor been in his life. Praying for you may God lead you otherwise your foundation in regards to marriage is wrong you don’t cohabite with a man though society has turned it into a norm but it’s not.

  5. Please don’t get pregnant. It’s not right for a guy to marry you because you got pregnant. Someday to come he might accuse you of pressuring him with the baby

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