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Sacrificed All To Save My Marriage Yet It Seems I Have Lost Everything


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Sacrificed All To Save My Marriage Yet It Seems I Have Lost Everything

Hello ma,

Good evening. I want you to pray for me and counsel me on what to do. I need help. My husband and I have been separated for 4 years now. I have been praying,fasting and hoping to God for a miracle but things only seem to be getting worse.

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My husband and I were married for 3 years (3 years married,4 years separated) and we have two children: boy and girl. We met through a friend of his. I was working as a top Hotel manager when he met me. Then,my life was the high class one.

I traveled and hosted all kinds of celebrity events. I never knew I could one day find a man who would love me and me become a married woman. But my husband went hard for me. It was exciting. We had dreams and before I knew it,I got pregnant. He was excited and flew me to Dubai to propose to me in front of my family and top clients.

Our wedding was the talk of the town. It ran on blogs. A high class socialite getting married. Everything was great after our marriage until my husband and his family started acting like they didn’t know I was a socialite when he married me. He started complaining that I was not staying at home to raise our son who was two months old at the time.

My husband knew I was a career woman when he met me. I never wanted to be that type of woman who never has to work or reach her highest potential because of marriage or children. He knew how driven I was. I mean,there are women doing the same thing: managing career and marriage and children successfully.

All I needed from him was his support. I had a nanny and a house help,so it not like things were  so bad at home. I think his family,especially his mom started to put ideas into his mind. We began to argue alot about my job or travelling and all.

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Most times,we argued,we later made up cos we loved each other so much. Thank God for the love we had. I thought I could always rely on that love no matter what we both go through.

I found out I was pregnant with my second child,our beautiful daughter when our son was just one year old. It was not planned but because of the closeness of the pregnancy to my son’s age,I finally agreed to slow down in my career. I had a difficult pregnancy too. I had high blood pressure and pregnancy issues all through. I had to quit my job to focus on my health and the baby.

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Eventually,God helped me and my baby was born 8 months,one week later. I nursed her to health and she was such a healthy baby when she was almost three months. My company called to say they could not hold my position for longer cos I had been away from work for almost a year cos of my pregnancy.

So, I decided to go back to work seeing that my baby was healthy and everything was ok. I mean,women go back to work after 3 months of maternity right? But when I told my husband,all hell broke loose. He said he does not want me working in that company anymore. That I should focus on raising our children and looking for a less tight scheduled job.

His reaction was a shock to me. I mean,he knows me. He knows what I like and what my ambitions are. Why this sudden behavior to stop me from what I love doing? I thought it was a bad joke. I ignored him and went back to work. My husband stopped talking to me and sleeping with me after.

We became total strangers to each other in the same house. I was upset and he too was upset and pride did not allow any of us to yield to each other. Our friends and loved ones intervened but we were both so stubborn. His mother took advantage and made matters worse.

A few months later,hubby started coming home late and some days,he would not even come home. I did not notice on time because I too had very tight schedules. By the time I noticed,I felt he was doing all these to make me feel bad and yield to his request to quit my job.

To me, I feel like I did not go to school,acquire all the degrees ad experience I have to come and be controlled by a husband on what to do with my career. It felt wrong. I tried to communicate with my husband but he would not listen. I cried and begged him to please let me have my career. After all, he met me in the same career. He refused.

It dawned on me,that I did not know this side of my husband. I left everything to God and started to pray. My husband eventually moved out of our house and sent me divorce papers. I felt my life was over. Just because I want to do the work that I have passion for?

I thought long and hard and prayed. And finally,I decided to sacrifice my career for my marriage. I quit and told him I was ready to work on our marriage. Do you know my husband told me it was too late? Too late? How? Is this not what he wanted? I finally quit yet he is saying it’s too late.

I was upset. He made me quit yet he still refuses to work on our marriage. I left him to God. Since then,I have been at home doing nothing except occasional event planning jobs that come my way. Yet,this man refused to come back home. What else should I do? How many prayers and fasting have I not done? How many begging have I not begged?

I am tired and I leave all to God. I have been trusting that one day,he will come back because I have not signed the divorce papers. Well, until now. He has started dating someone else and they both seem very serious. The lady has moved into his place and now, I see pictures of them together.

Maybe this is the end? I love my husband so much. I gave up all for him. What else can I do to show him I love him? I dressed up one day and went to his place. My intention was to seduce him. I succeeded, we had s*x. I thought we could work things out but he still said no. That if I wanted s*x,he cannot deny me cos he knows I am not seeing anyone but that marriage for us is not going to happen.

I know he loves me but pride or something else is holding him back. Abi…did someone use juju for him that he cannot see again? But I have been praying na…what again can I do?…him cheating with that woman drives me crazy. What if the woman gets pregnant for him? I will truly go crazy if that happens… I feel like cheating sometimes to revenge but I still want to give our marriage a chance. I even now regret quiting my job.

Only it seems my husband does not want to give us a chance. Its been four years since our separation. How do I keep having hope like this? I need your prayers and advise.


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Photo Credit:Psychology Today

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I really wish both of you could see things from equal angles now.

    Even now that you have sacrificed your job and career.

    Sister you tried….four good years separated! Yet, still fasting, praying, believing and hoping for the turning point for your husband !

    Please keep on hanging the whole situation on God and don’t give-up seeking help for reconciliation from family and friends.

    Trust God will work on him to come back for his family.

    We will be praying for you.

    It is Well with you

  2. Keep trusting God, your husband will come back.Don’t sign the divorce papers,pls.Get something doing,keep yourself busy ,love and take care of your beautiful children.

  3. Hello,

    Mistake no 1: you should never have quit your job in the first place.

    If you made that sacrifice…what sacrifice is he willing to make?….none apparently!

    So, you have tried….being married to someone who does not lift you up or encourage you to reach your highest potential can be frustrating.

    Do not stay mourning him…deed has been done…you done enough.

    Let him go and have his fun….and pick up yourself and start living again.

    Any man who truly loves a woman will help her shine and not be intimidated by her shine or try to bring her down.

    You are not at fault….you did not see the relationship red flag before now that you married a controlling man.

    And you will not be happy in a marriage where you are being controlled.

    Pray for him but move on.


  4. I am in a similar situation only we have been married for 7 years and 2 years separation also with 2 children.
    Let me know when God has answered you.


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