HomeAdviceMy Husband Made Me Desperate-Is There Any Redemption For Our Marriage?

My Husband Made Me Desperate-Is There Any Redemption For Our Marriage?


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My Husband Made Me Desperate-Is There Any Redemption For Our Marriage?

I remember when our problems started. It was a little over our 10th year wedding anniversary and my husband had just clocked 45 years.We had a great celebration for both milestones.

However, it seemed my husband realized that he had so much to achieve even as he pushed closer to his golden age of 50 years old. It started with him getting more contracts and that made him travel more and stay out late much more.

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We are comfortable people but my husband wanted more for us. Our kids have become teenagers who are in secondary school abroad and the school fees was mind blowing. I did not want to complain because I knew he was working for the family’s good.

Even when he was at home,he was on his computer taking business meetings or making business calls. He would join me in bed around 2am or 3am. I missed him and how close we used to be. I would have focused my energy on work and children but the children were mostly in boarding school abroad.

My work closed by 4pm everyday and I was bored out of my head. I tried to enroll online to do my masters but that would mean more money which we didn’t really have to spare cos we were saving all that came to raise our kids in schools abroad.

When we made love,my husband was always tired and he became the proverbial 4 seconds guy. I was 42 years old for God’s sake and I was in my prime of sexuality. I seemed to want s*x everyday yet my husband was on a different tangent.

That was why I got a toy to help myself. That helped temporarily cos you cannot replace the warmth of a human man with a cold toy. I tried to speak to my husband about it and he tried to make time when he was around but the more his libido kept going down.

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I began to feel abandoned as well. My house seemed lonely. No one to talk to most times. A year later,my husband got involved in a bad business. Yes,he is into real estate and investment. He got involved with some real estate that turned bad and the client took him to court for that.

We engaged a lawyer that helped pretty well but I noticed that this lawyer who is a divorcee seemed to spend more and more time with my husband than he would spend with me. They even traveled together for business since that court case. She was supposed to be in every negotiation to guide my husband on legal matters.

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I seldom go to my husband’s office but that Lawyer made me so uncomfortable and I did not trust her even though my husband insisted their relationship was purely professional. I tipped my husband’s driver heavily to watch her for me.

It was my husband’s Driver that told me that he had seen them in compromising positions and that I should do everything to make sure the lady goes. I was livid. I challenged my husband and instead of listening to me,he told me I was just been crazy.

I decided to set a trap. I pretended to travel and made arrangements that to go visit the kids abroad.I traveled indeed and even called my husband when I arrived in the Uk. What he didn’t know was I asked the Driver to call me as soon as he saw something. The Driver called me two days later that my husband spent the night in the lady’s house.

I took a flight back to Lagos that same night and drove straight to the Lady’s house. I waited until night and behold, they both returned to her apartment around 11pm. I waited until 1 am that night and called my husband,told him I was outside the Lawyer’s apartment and saw him drive in.

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My husband gave all the lame excuses but  I am not a kid. He will not sleep with me or have time for me,yet he sleeps with his Lawyer? I felt betrayed and angry. He denied it but I was over it. I told him to fire her and he refused. Can you imagine? He refused. I watched as the lawyer got more and more closer to my husband. I didnt need a prophet to tell me they were having an affair.

I started drinking to help me sleep after several nights of shedding tears. I was becoming depressed and I did not know what to do. The rage I felt made me look for every opportunity to revenge on my husband.

On our 11th wedding anniversary,he claimed to be working late and out of town. I looked myself in the mirror and told myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. I got dressed up in the most sexy outfit I could find and drove out to the club in V.I. I wanted to have fun and forget my sorrows.

After several shots and acting like a fool around strange men, I let a stranger f*ck me in my car before I managed to get home. I felt so miserable with myself and I thought to end my life. This is not how I pictured my life. I knew I needed help and I called the only person I thought could help me: my ex.

My ex is a single dad. He never got married. He almost did but he eventually called it off cos the lady was not like me. I and him have been soul mates since we were 21 and 25. We called it off cos I wanted a more stable guy. It was a bad break up. He never forgave me but when I called him ….he picked up and we met two days later.

I have been seeing my ex for the last 3 months…..he makes me feel happy because we don’t just have s*x…we talk…we are friends, I tell him about everything and he has been such a listening and supportive backbone for me… and that is what I miss from my husband.

Three weeks ago,my husband came  to me and confessed his affair with his Lawyer. He asked for my forgiveness. He said he felt he needed her cos his business was failing. The law suit took a big toll on him and he wanted her to help him…but she wanted more…he had to play ball.

But here I am….I also cheated but I am afraid of telling him. My husband would never forgive me. Or will he? My ex is still my best friend and confidant. I told him my husband is back. He thinks I should not tell him about us. But if I don’t…I may never be able to break up with him ….that is what my ex wants…he wants me back to him I know.

What is more, intimacy with my husband is not like with my ex. My husband may be getting old or he had a medical problem cos he cannot satisfy me. I still feel empty even when I am with him. It makes it difficult to break up my affair…

My husband cheated on me,abandoned me and pushed me into the arms of another man who gave me comfort…he is sorry now but I have gone far deep into my affair and I do not know how to come out of it. I need your help and advise. Keep me anonymous please.

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Thank you.


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My Husband Made Me Desperate-Is There Any Redemption For Our Marriage?
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. I believe your husband came to you to confess because you are no longer looking miserable and seemed happy. Why didn’t he listen to your advice when you begged him to fire the lady? He was more interested in his happiness than yours. I think the lawyer lady might have gotten bored of him, that is why he came to confess. If you ask me, I will tell you not to disclose your affair to your husband because he wouldn’t forgive you. Find a way to end things with your ex and repair your marriage. Your marriage is still redeemable, give it another shot.

  2. Nne you better come out of that ungodly relationship before it is too late for you atleast for the sake of your innocent children. Two wrong cannot make a right,yes I understand how that he left ,abandoned, pushed you to the arms of another man,but that is not enough reason not to fight for your marriage, you already broke the vow and you feel it is right to still remain with your ex,I mean you went back to your vomit,your ex is now in the past,so let him be.Even if you don’t confess just like your husband had done pls desist from every nonsense relationship you have with any man that is not your husband. Repent now and fight for your marriage, I mean it is still fresh and young.

  3. Good Evening Ma , Its so sad what you faced. The neglect and abandonment but we dont have to do something wrong or hurt yourself because someone is not doing the right thing. we understand its not easy Ma but two wrongs can never make anything right. You should withdraw from your ex and focus on your marriage.

  4. I think you have to be sincere with your husband…Whatever might have driven him back home is less your business, the point is he has come to ask for your forgiveness and that’s the best of it all….If you don’t keep distance with your ex,he might later backfire… An ex who wants you back would do anything to have you back… This might later lead to blackmail and am sure you won’t be able to handle it….

    Rub minds with each other,that’s why you are couples..

  5. Both of you have played levels. If he confessed, I think you too should confess.

    When you confess, two things might happen: 1. He will forgive you and continue with the marriage. But he will never trust you again. 2. He will divorce you and distance you from everything that has to do with him.

    I think you should confess and face the consequences. Living with such guilt will affect your attitude towards your husband. Confess and be free.

  6. Ma your husband has confessed his atrocities, he probably wants to mend the marriage. I think you should do same. You guys need counseling and God to help you get past this. It may not be easy and straight forward as it is but you guys have to be committed in working it out.
    I pray that you find it in your heart to forgive him and fight your your marriage, leave that ex please. He has nothing but heart break to offer you.
    You don’t want to be a divorcee at this stage in your life with those lovely children of yours.
    The marriage is redeemable.
    I wish you all the best.

  7. […] don’t want to draw to making conclusion but am confused. My husband is a Teacher in a school, he is very friendly and everyone likes him. But there is this parent who […]

  8. You and your husband have been through some dark period in your marriage.

    No one prays for these kinds of dark clouds in life but sometimes,heavy rain storms come around in life.

    But there will be sun shine again.

    My advice…let your ex go….he is not yours and you are not his.

    You are only legally bound to your husband..no one else.

    Both of you should seek therapy….and medical help (seek a s*x coach) to address the s*xual issues. You should also tell him about your mistakes and if he hopes you forgive him,he should also learn to forgive you as well.

    Let the darkness that once tried to destroy your home pass….work on finding that bright clouds again.

    Your marriage and happiness is worth fighting for.

    God bless you.

  9. I won’t even tell you to stop the affair because I know you won’t. I’ve been in your shoes, I mean exactly the same thing. In my own case I only stopped when he guy broke my heart. I’m now back with my husband and we are now good. But deep down I don’t know if I’ll ever love him the way I did before, or if the guilt of my cheating will ever go away.


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