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My Wife Is Refusing To Submit To Me Because Of Our Age Differences

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My Wife Is Refusing To Submit To Me Because Of Our Age Differences

Hello ma,

Please assist me with some advise. I am married to the love of my life. Lets call her Feyi (not real name). We met 4 years ago and we been inseparable since then. I love her,my family loves her and after dating for almost two and a half years,we got married.

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When we started dating,we didn’t know there was a difference in age between us until like 2 months later. Feyi is older than me with 3 years. But I look older and act more mature for my age. When she discovered she was older than me, she tried to withdraw but I fell in love already and did everything in my power to not let her go.

And that includes, the promise never to let the age thing be an issue between us. Also,never to let anyone in our family know the age difference. Especially my family. That helped her settle her mind but a few occasions of argument,the age thing seemed like a silent contender between us.

Now,having been married..its coming up more and more and its beginning to affect me. My wife is someone who is free to talk to me about anything. I respect her opinions about so many things but once I disagree about something,she plays the age gap card. And I am getting sick of it.

For example, if she asks me to help her do something and for some reason,I am unable to do it,she makes it seem like I do not respect her age or respect her in general. Also,if we have a disagreement and I raise my voice a little,she goes like,I want to dominate her and control her.

And ma, that is never my intentions. My father never controlled my mother,I never controlled all my ex girlfriends…why will I control my darling wife? So,am I not allowed to have a different opinion in my marriage anymore? Must I agree to all her decisions just so she does not bring up the age matter?

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But when she is talking to me sometimes in the presence of others,she talks to me like her mate not her husband. I have had to tell her to please respect me and speak with politeness to me especially in public. That is a sign of a submissive wife. Not because of anything else.

Recently, she got up one Saturday morning and said she was going to work. That they had a training. I was like but you didn’t mention that to me before now. Though she explained that it skipped her mind,I let her know that she should never let such a thing skip her mind cos its important and it makes it look like she does not have respect for me by telling me ahead of things.

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I really don’t know why but she reacted very bad and said she does not need my permission to go to work and that I should stop being dramatic..that its only work for a few hours…why should I make a big deal about it? That she is not a little sister that must inform her elder of every move she makes.

She went on to say I didn’t trust her enough and its because I do not regard her as mature to make decisions and tell me later on. A few other hurting words were said and I regret some of those words but she herself needs to see me as her husband and submit as well as respect my views even if they seem stupid to her.

I am really concerned. Our marriage is just a year plus…is this how we will continue? I need your objective advise. And if there are couples in a similar situation, I would like to hear how they have been able to manage their own situations please.

Thank you.

 

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Photo Credit:Women’s day

 

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. One has to be careful here oooo,don’t even know what to say.Am sorry to say that as long you both are married this issue of age will always come up, making her see reasons why she should submit and respect you will be impossible oooo,involve someone she respects somuch and listens to so that she can be talked to oooo.God will see you through, amen.You also have to respect her,respect is reciprocal.

  2. Both of you need to see a counselor. If she had issues with the age she shouldn’t have bothered with the marriage. Wives should submit and not based on age or something. Try communicating your feelings to her. Cheers.

  3. I’d like to tell you what a Counselor told me once when I had marital issues and drama, he said to me “Sister, your marriage is just in the teething years”

    Dear, calm down and dialogue with your wife.
    These conflicts and many more similar to these or a bit different are bound to happen when your marriage is just at it’s teething stage. You and your darling wife will get through this.
    You bother may need some counselling if you can’t sort this out between yourselves.
    Communication is the key here.
    Do have a blissful marriage.
    I see you guys rising above this as you tend to understand yourselves better.
    God bless.

  4. First, second, third year of every Marriage also face serious challenges and if wisdom, knowledge and the grace of God divorce is bound to happen…ur wife problem could be Independence when she was single and adjusting to the fact she is married and ought to be submissive and inform the husband before she takes any decisions is hard for her so u have paitence Marriage is different from boyfriend and girlfriend relationship…u can date for years without separation but staying Married for one year takes the grace of God… secondly ur needs to be expose to the word of God 1peter 3vs1-9

  5. Please you have to take it easy with your wife okay one thing am sure is that when love and understanding in a marriage there will not be much problem, the way I see the whole thing is like she doesn’t love you or she doesn’t understand things , she needs some one that will make her to understand what marriage is all about, age doesn’t matter in marriage, a man is a man no matter anything , you can never be under her she is the to be under you as a woman marry to a man, so that is it, thanks

  6. Hello,

    With the situation on ground,one of you has to be the bigger person for this marriage to work.

    Her referring to her age may be because she is insecure…so you will need to constantly reassure her.

    As for her being rude or lacking respect…try not to address it in the heat of the moment…address it when both of you are calm.

    You can also ask someone to speak to her…someone she respects or maybe see a therapist together.

    She may not be seeing her wrong doing…you may have to lovingly help her see that her attitude is making things worse.

    Ba patient…she loves you and is not trying to hurt you intentionally.

    Help her be a better version of herself.

    Cheers man!

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