HomeAdviceHow Do I Stop My Desperate Friend From Marrying A Mistake?

How Do I Stop My Desperate Friend From Marrying A Mistake?


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How Do I Stop My Desperate Friend From Marrying A Mistake?

Hello Madam,

This is for my friend. And for me. Because I am really conflicted on whether I am being a good friend to her or maybe I should keep minding my business. I am a 34 year old single lady,although I am in a relationship (that one is story for another day…God will settle all of us).

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My friend and flat mate is 38 years old,also single. Her boyfriend is rich and works on the rig. Most times,he is away on the rig for months. This boyfriend whom she dated for about a year,suddenly came to her one day and said to her: that he wants her to get pregnant and give him a child. Well,she said:ok…in that case,we have to get married.

Unfortunately, this man refused. He said he just wants a child. He kept asking her and she kept refusing saying its against their tradition to get pregnant before marriage. They quarreled about this for so long until they finally broke up.

The next thing was that this man went and got a new girlfriend who immediately got pregnant for him. When this woman gave birth, the child had a defect that was life threatening. They spent so much money taking the baby to all the best hospitals in the country and even South Africa and India.Eventually, the baby passed.

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Now, this man is back to my friend and trying to make up with her. He even proposed and wants them to get married immediately. To which my friend agreed. I was like…hmm…after this man dumped you and got someone else pregnant…you still want him back?

But my friend is desperate. She says age is not on her side. Which is true. I am also not young and I know we both want to get married as soon possible. But because I did not want to seem like I am jealous …my own relationship is having issues…so I don’t want to think I want to ruin her relationship cos my own is not working out…I kept quiet.

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Now the problem is that this same man has said that he wants a quiet wedding. No invitations will be printed or sent out and he wants only a church wedding. No court wedding. He wants only his family and her family at the wedding. He said,so many people are after his success,so he does not want his name or face out there.

Also,he wants them to get married within one month. Ma,I am worried and I do not know how to talk to my friend…for fear of being seen as jealous cos the man is rich. But how can you rush marriage in one month and how do you want to have a hush hush wedding? What if this man is trying to hide something about himself?

I am truly worried but I just keep dumb …cos like I said…I see she thinks she is old at 38 and this guy coming back…rich and wants to marry her…she may not find someone like him again….I just don’t know…should I continue to keep quiet or tell her what I really think about her upcoming marriage?

Meanwhile,the wedding preparations is already in top gear…everything has been bought and planned…is it too late ma? Or maybe am just being paranoid….I just don’t trust this man…what if he is even into ritual?..don’t you think so ma? what do you think?

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How Do I Stop My Desperate Friend From Marrying A Mistake?
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hummmmm your friend has to be extremely careful with that man,has she even considered that she will have to live all by herself in the house because of her husband’s nature of job?A broken relationship is far better than a divorce,let her look before she leaps,na so marriage dey shack like alcohol until when she enter she go no say okro soup dey draw

  2. Please prayerfully play your part by telling her how you feel about the union. If she sees it as you see it well you have won a friend but if otherwise it will be on record that you told her. He that knows to do good and does it not to him/her is sin

  3. Hello,

    You can speak to someone who your friend really respects or looks up to,to speak to her.

    Like you said,if you do it yourself,she might think you are truly jealous.

    Pray for her as well.

    Let her mentors or elders speak to her.


  4. Beloved pls pray,then tell your how u feel about the marriage,
    Don’t think of her reaction, just be bold to give her some reasons,

    Note: u are not to pressurising her to end the relationship, but tell your the whole truth,then the choice is hers,

    Because with the look of think ,I don’t she has involve God in the whole matter?


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