Home Advice How Do I Choose A Husband: S*xy Husband Versus Calm Husband

How Do I Choose A Husband: S*xy Husband Versus Calm Husband


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How Do I Choose A Husband: S*xy Husband Versus Calm Husband

I want my story to be anonymous. I moved into a private hostel in my final year in school so I could get some privacy to study for my finals. That was when I met Jack and his cousin, James .(Not real names). They were sharing the other mini flat in  the private hostel I was in.

Jack and James were cool dudes, they had their cars and girls on campus flocked around them. As neighbors, we became friendly and they would sometimes give me a ride to school. James was in the same faculty as me, Social Sciences, so I rode with him most times.

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I began to secretly like Jack but he had a girlfriend and girls were always around him. So,I kept my feelings in check. After school and after service year, I stayed in touch with they guys. After service year, through James’ family connection, I got a job in a big bank in Lagos.

James later asked me out and we dated for like a year. He treated me very well and I loved the idea of making it permanent with him one day. And James proposed to me, I said yes. When Jack heard about our engagement, he congratulated us on social media but he came to visit me to tell me not to marry his cousin James.

It turns out Jack said he has been in love with me since university finals. And that James, who is now my fiancé is aware that he is in love with me…but he was also in love…so James begged him to allow him woo me.

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That was why Jack pretended not to pay attention to me and to distract himself, he dated other girls to try not to focus on me. But seeing me ending up married to James is killing him. He wants to let me know his feelings before I marry James.

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As I said, I liked Jack too from school but I felt he did not notice me like that. Not knowing he was deliberately avoiding me. I told Jack I loved him too and that led him to kiss me. I should have stopped him right there but my brain refused to activate or listen to me,

After making love with Jack, I knew I was wrong and decided to break up with James. James asked me if I was breaking up with him cos of Jack,I could not lie,I said yes. James begged me not to leave him,he cried. He said he is willing to do anything. I told him I slept with Jack and he said he forgives me.

Not that I needed any forgiveness but James did not get worked up that I slept with cousin…who loves me and I love too. I love James as well. Now,I am confused. None of these men want to back down. They both want me…and they both are trying hard to convince me…

My resistance fails me whenever I am with Jack…with James…I feel so much love from him…yet I cannot stop thinking about Jack as well. I am trying to decide which of the men I love more before it gets messier James refused to cancel or postpone our wedding…he says I have until a week before the wedding to choose.

The wedding getting closer…help me make a decision…James is cool, calm and sweet gentleman…He will make a good husband no doubt…his demeanor and patience is very good.

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Jack is sweet and s*xy . He sets my emotions on several types of fire…This is such a mess…I need advise on how to choose. I sometimes wish I can keep both of them cos they both have qualities I want in a man in different degrees…Jack even jokingly said if I don’t choose him, he will still keep trying woo me (no insults please).

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How Do I Choose A Husband: S*xy Husband Versus Calm Husband
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Madam it is better you make your choice now,I can’t tell you whom to choose, you know these men more than I do,do your 1+1 very well and allow one to move on with his life, and when you have finally made your choice, tell the other to leave you alone forever. You cannot fornicate in marriage hope you know that?If not you will bring curses upon yourself, I come in peace biko

  2. If you loved James, you wouldn’t have cheated.
    Jack’s sweetness and sexy nature may now set you on BUT it doesn’t guarantee a happy marriage.
    Whoever you choose it’s your choice. But if you can’t truly be faithful to James spare him the heartache
    no Matter how much he loves you, both of you will never be happy.

  3. This is a Cross- road ! Well, we, sometimes get there. Leave both Jack and James. Let them go for good !

    If you marry James, you might cheat on him with Jack somehow in the future: that is Not healthy for your marriage and proper in the sight of God.

    Reading-in-between-the-lines from your story, with Jack also, he seems to be a ladies guy, and the future you dream to live might not…

    Nevertheless, Seriously take it all to God in prayers.
    He has solution to All Problems ! He is the Only Answer !

    Peace be to You.

  4. Am sorry to say this,if you marry either of the cousin’s you will live to regret it….

    If you had loved James,you won’t have slept with jack…Nature will always tell though cause you go ahead to marry James,he would definitely insult you with it one day… Don’t think he has forgiven you and forget you ditched him for his cousin….

    If you go for jack,he would think you are desperate and you will later regret it….Besides,what will the family even think…

    Aunty walk out of that relationship before you end your marriage cause of your mistake…

  5. First of all why did Jack wait until you started wedding plans. That story he told you is cock and bull, I don’t believe it.
    You also don’t know a good thing. From your narration James sounds like a better fit however I will not say you should go ahead with marrying him. If you could easily cheat on James with Jack, you will do it again. Jack obviously knows his way around women and it is working for him.
    On a final note maybe you should stay with Jack, at least your are more attracted to him. I think you should break up with James marrying him maybe a great mistake (Moreover James deserves better which he can find elsewhere rather than staying with you when your mind is with Jack).

  6. You might be feeling all loved up and special and confused now thinking they both want you. You would need to understand the psychology of the male mind a little. It’s all about who wins, like a quest. If you are wise you would leave the both of them but I totally doubt you would. All the best in your future endeavors but remember marriage is no joke. Men hardly forgive infidelity and finally learn to love yourself more and pray for a discerning spirit from God.

  7. You don’t love any of the cousins, you are just playing with fire better call off that wedding and move far away from these two brothers And start life afresh. James deserves a better woman and you aren’t that woman.

  8. Hello,

    S*xy and charming is cool….but does not last long. Jack loved you? Yet did not even try to prove that love until now? He was cool with his many women…why now?

    You may not love James but love is not the most important factor for a successful relationship: friendship, shared goals and respect, etc is more important.

    My advise: marry James…marry a man who loves you more than you love yourself. He will always put you first and do anything to prove his love.

    Pray about this…if you are still not at peace….then leave both of them, so you can focus on finding your best self with someone less complicated or related.

    All the best…


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