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Married For 8 Years Without Orgasm- My Husband Says I Am Dry-Pls Advise


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Married For 8 Years Without Orgasm- My Husband Says I Am Dry-Pls Advise

Hello ma,

Hide my identity. I have been married for 8 years and I have never experienced what is called Orgasm. Before I married my husband, I was in a 4 year relationship that was assumed to lead to marriage and I experienced intense sexual satisfaction in the relationship. But the relationship was filled with alot of issues and we broke up.

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I then made a vow to remain celibate until marriage. It was hard but I made up my mind not to open my legs again for any man that is not my husband. When I married my husband, making love with him was surprising for me. He never used to last long enough for me to orgasm.

This really bothered me. He would come all eager and before I say jack,he is done. I tried to speak to him about it,he was like, am I serious? It now became that I was dry and coming was impossible.

So instead of him to focus on making me come, he would say…something is wrong with me. That I am dry. And that made me stop talking about it. Many times, I would fake my orgasm. I began to dislike making love and he too began to loose interest.

That is how we have been for almost 8 years of marriage. Until this year, he totally stop making love to me. I did not ask him for a month but it became so bad, I had to ask him. He said, he is tired of making love to a stick. That hurt me really bad.

I got angry and told him that he is the one at fault. That he does not know how to handle a woman…that he has quick ejaculation problem. Instead of him to go and look for solution, he is busy insulting me of being dry and a stick. I have advised him to use some¬† herbs and other products to help himself but he says he is fine…nothing is wrong with him.

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Ma, that day…so many hurtful things we both said to each other but the most hurtful one he said was: he is not the one with the problem, cos his side chick always comes when they make love. I was shocked. You mean, he has a side chick?

My mind started telling me that maybe that is why our s*x life is bad…all these side chicks may have used something that is making him loose s*xual interest in me. And the fact that he is cheating is more serious.

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I have cried my eyes out and now, I want to revenge. I am not dry….neither am I a stick. I want to prove my husband wrong…since he would not make love to me and he has his side chicks…I want to go out and make love to someone that will make me come.

I have thought about this for a very long time. He is busy enjoying himself outside…while me am dying here. Yes, we have 3 children but there has been no s*x…no orgasm in this marriage for a long time now…what kind of marriage is this? Is either I cheat or we divorce. Anyone in my shoes will understand that I have tried…its been 8 years…how long will I continue like this?

And he admitted that he even has side chick? Can you imagine? How do I prove that he is the one with the problem and not me? I used to enjoy orgasm with my ex and I deserve to enjoy it before I get too old…if you were in my shoes…what will you do?

I have no time for anyone who wants to judge me or insult me on this post…insult me all you like…I know society will frown when a woman cheats but applaud the man for same cheating…I really don’t care about insults… I only want those who truly understand my trauma to help me…I am in pain and I need advise on what to do…I have been pushed too far into the wall…I am tired of masturbating…I don’t enjoy it anymore

I will be reading advise and comments. Thank you.


From Mrs. Anonymous


Photo Credit:Masterfile



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. If really you don’t care about our insults you wouldn’t have posted this here,just calm down.You will do no such things you just mentioned, no to divorce, no to going outside to get orgasm.Remain in that marriage for the sake of your children, remove your mind from sex for now and always get busy.Don’t allow orgasm get you into some kind of mess or disgrace,something you will regret later. I know it is not easy but just take it easy on yourself biko.May the Lord strengthen you,amen.

  2. I feel for you..madam dis world is not balance neither is it perfect for anyone we all want something good, something better , something great we all want a happy life that is almost perfect but it hard…I understand your predicament even thou I am not married I am just d kind of people who understand how people feel easily. Becuse I put myself in their shoes and feel there pain.but why I ask myself too y does the society see it normal for a man to have a side chick ..a sex mate outside marriage and it not asif female cant cheat we just feel dere should be trust between couple if I dont know God I would have told you to cheat to his face and let him feel what you feel …I would have told you to divorce him and have fun but humm I cant advise you to do such..the fault isnt from you it him, it the communication problem between the two of you..you are both suppose to work together to make it okay but he is comfortable with the outside …madam pray and focus on your kid becuse that the only advise I can give u as human

  3. In trying to get organism outside your marriage,you contact STD.
    Try more with heat to heart conversation with him.
    I feel your pain and don’t support the culture that crucify a woman in the occasion of infidelity but support the man.

  4. Hi, Let me start by congratulating you for seeking solutions instead of going with the may of the world. In modern day life people take the grace of God for grandad too much but all such persons will face their maker some day and give account of their life… Do not go into sin because your husband did same… Uphold your faith, commit it to God for he fights better… Draw your husband closer to God…

    Go to YouTube and look up natural supplements that prevents quick ejaculation, prepare them for him as prescribed…

    Also look up on YouTube tutorials on how to make a woman ejaculate. These informations are all over the place but most people often prefers the hard choices…

    If these steps don’t work, you can agree to see a s*x therapist…

    Also, men hate it when you bruze their EGO that they can’t make a woman orgasm. Only few godly men will take that advise and start looking for solutions… Most often result to self help outside. But when you come up as someone who is ready to help them find solutions they’ll start opening up to you…

    Please madam, for the sake of God and your children- help him out instead of resulting to derailing just like him… Do not sin against God and sell your soul because of worldly pleasures that we shall all leave here on earth. If he chooses to sell his, then leave him with his maker… Hope this helps.

  5. I think you and your husband just need to have a heart to heart talk…

    Stop with all this you are the one at fault and so on.

    You both should agree you are both at fault and look for solution together.

    They are lots of solutions put there to rejuvenate sex life.

    Note: dnt ever throw blames. Instead agree u are both at fault nd see to a solution

    Remove that thought of cheating. It’s your body not his. If you contact something or you are being disgraced cus of orgasm. You wud forever regret

  6. Hello,

    First of all…please calm down. Two wrongs do not make a right. You cannot run off and cheat because your husband cheated or is cheating.

    You and your husband need to find better means of communication.

    You also need to see a s*x therapist asap.

    Your marriage is not over if you are determined to find solution instead of breaking it down.

    Quit blaming your husband for not giving you an orgasm…maybe he does not know how to….that is not something some coaching cannot address

    If he is unwilling to seek help,its probably because his ego is bruised….so why not start by changing the way you talk to him about this?

    Speak softly to him….make him feel like you desire him and appreciate him…

    Encourage him by showing him results of couples who have tried s*x coaching.

    Let him know you too need the coaching as you would be a better lover after the coaching

    Change your appearance and make an effort to look s*xy and seductive to him

    Pray for him…encourage him…praise him…pet him…let him feel confident around you.

    Watch romantic movies with him. Touch him…arouse him…help him

    Do not cheat madam….if you do…you will not find satisfaction….

    Find a s*x coach and attend marriage counselling sessions with your husband.

    Pray for one another and all side chicks …real or not will be forgotten

    Do not throw away 8 years of marriage without making an effort….you can do this.

    And you will win your husband and marriage back!

    God bless you

  7. […] and satisfy the couple, however, problems such as premature ejaculation can cause the moment of orgasm to arrive hastily without that the man has greater control over the sexual […]


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