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This Relationship Is Complicated & Maybe Dangerous-Pls Advise


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This Relationship Is Complicated & Maybe Dangerous-Pls Advise

I finished my service last year February and since I could not find a good job,I took up a job as a hotel receptionist.  Working as a receptionist was tough. I worked 7 days a week for a 25k job and they would owe salaries up to 3 months before paying.

I am the first child from a family of 5. Two of my other siblings are in tertiary institutions and really struggling to make it. We are not lazy in my family, we did many odd jobs to survive and pass through school…so even with my receptionist job, I learnt make up and gele tying.

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So from the hotel guests,I got clients for make up. At some point, I felt its better to do my make up full time and leave the receptionist job. I met a lady who encouraged me to go to Lagos where people would pay me more money for my make up.

I only had a distant cousin in Lagos but I contacted her and after much begging, she allowed me to come stay with her in Lagos for only 3 months after which I must find my own place. I came to Lagos in November last year, things were not as easy as I imagined.

I worked hard and got make up jobs but Lagos has plenty make up artists and the competition is much. My cousin didn’t make staying with her easy. Her husband had straying eyes so she was paranoid with me around him. By February, I had to move out to a one room face-me-I-face you situation.

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My rent was 5k a month. I worked really hard and was determined to make it in this Lagos.  I even did other things to make money. I am good at decorating, I became an interior décor person, I sold bedsheets and duvets. I was hustling. And then, covid hit in March and total lock down came.

I could not get jobs or do make up anymore.. I had no savings. I could not pay my rent and I was being threatened by the landlord to pay or move  out. When I went to beg him to be considerate due to covid -19, he said I should do what my other mates are doing to survive.

One thing I never contemplated doing despite living a very hard life is sleeping with men for money. But by April, the landlord locked me out because I was owing for March and April rent. I remember sleeping in front of my door until my neighbor, a single guy asked me to come stay in his room. I cried so much that night.

I stayed with my neighbor for a few days. He was really nice to me, never was inappropriate but his girlfriend did not like me staying with him so she came and threw me out. My neighbor gave me 5k loan to pay my rent and the landlord opened my room for me.

By God’s grace, things began to pick up for me around June, I was making some money and paid my rent regularly. Neighbor and I became close cos of his kindness to me. He spent time in my room when his girlfriend was not around. The attraction was there. I couldn’t resist and we started making out.

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I tried to forget about him…he also tried but we kind of couldn’t…we were making love every other night. I knew I was in love and he too confirmed he was in love with me. But he had a girlfriend…and the girl was not ready to break up with him. He tried to break up with her but she wouldn’t let him.

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I feel bad I am the one trying to break a relationship but he was clear he wanted to be with me. I discovered I was pregnant for him in August. When I told him,he said both of us are not ready too have a baby….true…we are both hustling. So, we went for an abortion which had complications and I was bleeding for almost 4 days.

After this unfortunate abortion…I made up my mind to do everything to end it with him. I mean, its for the best since he has his girlfriend whom he is not able to break free from. The only problem ma, is that he now decides to break up with his girl forcefully which should have been a good thing…right?

However, the girl is now begging me to leave him cos she has done countless abortions for him. That he is the love of her life…I tell her to leave me out of their issue but obviously he does not want her anymore, so she is now desperate.

They been dating for 3 years…he said he never planned marrying her cos he found out she cheated …that he was just with her cos she keeps promising to change but she still cheats…

Ma, now am receiving death threats from strange nos. When I try to call back, the nos are switched off. I have asked him to leave me alone and face his girl and he says over his its me he wants.

I never been more afraid in my life. I am alone here in Lagos, no family. This guy is preaching undying love for me but his girl is threatening fire if I go near the guy. I have tried to maintain my lane but every time, he keeps disturbing me…telling me to ignore the girl that she cannot do anything…that her threats are empty. He has called her in my presence to leave us alone.

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I cannot lie…I love this guy…he is handsome and cares for me but this girl is my worry. She even threatened  to go diabolical….I am just trying to hustle and be something in this life…I don’t know what to do concerning this girl…should I ignore her or what?

Is she really a threat? or just bluffing…please advise me…


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Photo Credit:Love,Honor & Respect




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This Relationship Is Complicated & Maybe Dangerous-Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. You never can tell if she’s only bluffing or not so please stay away from him…Lagos is just too big to die for someone else’s son…

    There’s a man out there that’s for you…This guy is a death trap..

  2. The guy is not worth your life; nobody is . Face your hustle, remember you’re the first child. Your siblings are looking up to you. Make something out of life and leave that man. A man that can leave a girl after several abortions ; that’s speaks volume about his personality. Shalom.

  3. Girls like you supposed to be wise,forget that toxic girl and that guy and chase your dreams,if he is for you the future will tell but as for now ,leave that guy

  4. Don’t be surprised that this guy will also leave you when he finds someone better like he abandoned the other lady. Please be wise , focus on what you came to Lagos to do,your siblings are looking up to you don’t disappoint them. Leave the guy ,if possible pack out and look else where. Instead of fighting for a man, love yourself and keep pushing hard someone better will come. All the best!

  5. My dear forget that guy and concentrate on what brought you to lagos pls. Do you really trust the guy, what if someone else comes to the compound and then he leaves you for her? Be wise pls, i wish you all the best.


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