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My Relationship Is Falling Apart Because I Cried For My Late Boyfriend-Pls Advise


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My Relationship Is Falling Apart Because I Cried For My Late Boyfriend-Pls Advise

Good morning all,

Two years ago, I lost my fiancé to a motor accident. It was a very terrible period for me. I loved him with my life. There is nothing I would not do for him and him for me too. Loosing him was also the first time I would loose someone so dear to my heart…it was traumatic for me.

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During that traumatic time, one of his friends, lets call Tony was a lot of support to me. I mean, everyone was around me….my fiancé’s family and friends rallied around me to make sure I was ok. Tony and my fiance’s friends were checking on me and making sure I was good.

Tony in particular was very caring to me and there were days, I needed a shoulder to cry on, he was there. When I started having nightmares…he was the one I would talk to. I must admit,I would not have been able to make it if not for Tony.

Tony was very caring. Calling me everyday to check on me, to make me laugh. Cry with me and encourage me to be strong and move on. On the first year of my fiance’s death anniversary, we had a ceremony to remember him. I thought I had moved on but I literally became a mess.

Tony was worried about me and decided I needed a vacation to take my mind off things. We took a vacation in a resort and I really needed that. Tony was a great friend to my fiance. He was never inappropriate. Even when people thought we were a couple at the resort, he politely declined.

That vacation was what I needed. I got back and I decided to take everyone’s advise to move on and start dating again. I had mourned my fiance for one year. I honored him. I told Tony I was ready to date….not because I had him in mind but because over the last one year,Tony had become like my best friend and confidant.

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He was happy for me and said he would hook me up with nice guys. All these while, Tony’s girlfriend and him were having issues. The girl cheated and they broke up. Tony said he needed a break and was not ready to date anyone for some time.

It was Tony’s birthday and I decided to make it a little special for him. Especially since he didnt have a girlfriend. I baked and make some barbecue and drinks and sent to him to celebrate. He was so happy and grateful to me.

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That evening, Tony pulled up at my place and wanted to thank me for making his day a memorable one. I told him it was not necessary to have come all the way to thank me but Tony hugged me and kissed me and everything stopped.

We thought it was a mistake. Tony apologized and I told him it was fine. But the next day, all I could think of was that kiss. Tony sent a message to me later that day and said…all I am thinking about is you and that kiss….let me see you tonight.

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I replied yes. And met up that night. That was how Tony and I found love and he has made me a very happy woman after suffering such a huge loss from  the death of my late fiancé. Initially, we felt it was odd to be in a relationship but  my late ex’s sister gave us her blessing and we carried on fine.

It was my late fiancé’s second passing anniversary and I woke up that morning crying. He would probably be the love of my life for a long time. But  Tony became a bit upset that I was still crying after 2 years of my ex passing. I thought he was not being understanding…I mean, its his friend we are talking about here.

Tony asked me to delete all my late fiancé’s pictures on my phone and social media but I told him he was being a baby and jealous of a dead man. Tony has been sulking since then,barely speaking to me. We had a serious conversation yesterday and he said, its either I forget about my dead ex or we are done…that he would not share me with a dead man.

I felt hurt by his words and I told him he was being inconsiderate. In anger, I told him its over. But ma,I miss him and I want to call him and tell him sorry for what I said but is he right to be jealous over my late ex?

I told one of our friends and he said I should be careful with my feelings with Tony….insinuating that Tony’s reaction to me having feelings for my late ex is questionable…especially because Tony was his friend too. Could it be that Tony intentionally got close to me after my ex passed to win me over to him…

Is that why he does not want me to have anything to do with my late ex pictures? He also said I should stop contacting with my late ex’s  family…is this normal or should I be worried? I love  Tony very much and I miss him already just one day after breaking up…I just want to tell him am sorry so we can move on but is his behavior and demands normal?

Please advise me.


Anonymous Email.

Photo Credit:rollingstone

Editor’s note:

Fellas: would you be jealous if your lady cries about her late ex?

Ladies: what do you think about this story? what should this lady do? Do you think her boyfriend’s behavior is rational?

Will that bother your? Please drop your comments below.


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My Relationship Is Falling Apart Because I Cried For My Late Boyfriend-Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Well. As a guy… When a guy tries to fix a broken lady. He most times falls in love with her and if the lady doesn’t get fixed. It only plunges him to be broken himself…

    Why don’t you give urself time, see a therapist, heal, have some fun, rediscover urself alone before entering into a relationship… You have not fully moved on.. And you really need to discard every memory of ur late ex. If not, they wud keep bringing memories and u won’t be able to move on… Thereby torturing ur partner

    Be honest to yourself.. If the table was turned. How wud u feel if ur man is crying over his dead ex…

  2. It’s quite concerning that you had to fall in love with someone who was trying to ‘fix’ you while you heal.
    I don’t know if these feelings are true or if you just happened to fall in love because he was comforting you while you passed through an ordeal, it’s hard to tell.
    You’re not over your dead fiance yet but your new seems a bit jealous too.
    Why not give yourself more time to heal, have fun and move on with life. Really check those feelings for your new guy if they are true or just because he was there for comfort.
    I wish you all the best as you decide what’s best.

  3. He is no more,he is dead so please forget about him and move on.What are you still doing with a dead man’s pictures biko?You have mourned him,so what else do you want to do?Keep crying till rapture? Abeg if you truly know that Tony loves you please go ahead afterall your late fiancés elder sister has given her approval. And let me tell you something, please you have to be very prayerful, life is spiritual. Have you asked yourself what actually caused the untimely death of your ex? Pray that you will never loose any good guy again,I was led by the spirit to talk to you this way. Every power from your father’s house that does not want you to get married and be happy has to be destroyed and set ablaze. It is well with you

  4. Leave Tony alone, why will he come after his friends woman….friends of today are terrible. He even told you to stop contacting your ex family, pls be smart with this guy. I strongly advise ypi to drop Tony completely and forhet about him, no calls, no messages, no meetings at all. I mean drop him completely. Be strong, you are much stronger than you think. Blessings

  5. Hi,

    I believe was trying to help you. It appears you are fixated on your dead ex and you will continue to cry even after many years.

    Well, Tony should have used a different approach but he is right by saying, you need to forget about your ex if you truly want to start afresh.

    Its no use trying to love someone if you have not fully found closure in your last relationship.

    So maybe the issue is with you….have you found closure? Are you ready to move on?

    Even if the anniversary of his dead brings back memories …you do not let it overwhelm you.

    Its also a tough one for Tony….he may feel you are only leaning on him cos of yoru trauma and not because you truly love him.

    So ….what is it going to be? If you are going to be crying every year for your ex….then you are not ready to move on.

    If you are ready to move on…then remove all the triggers that reminds you of your ex. You can be friends with his family but since you do not have a child for them…only say hello to them once in a long while.. There is no use clinging to them.

    Wish you all the best.


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