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Why Did My Wife Betray Me: Is It Pressure Or Lust-Please Advise


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Why Did My Wife Betray Me: Is It Pressure Or Lust-Please Advise

My name is Frank (not real name). I am a 35 year old man. Please pardon my English, admin if you can help me reconstruct it, thank you. I dropped out of school many years ago to help my mother train my 6 siblings.

Coming from a polygamous home, my father did not care about us. My mother sold local gin and that was barely enough to sustain her children. I did several manual jobs to support my mother and my siblings. By the time I was 32, I started a part time course for an OND degree.

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That was where I met my wife. She was a 23 year old full time student. She really helped me with my homework cos I was missing class due to work shift as a security guard. I liked her alot. She came from humble beginnings.

I knew the age difference was much but she liked me too and I proposed to her on her 24th birthday. We got married shortly before she was 25. We had nothing but we had ourselves.

My wife always caught the attention of other people, she is pretty. I counted myself lucky she choose me. After my OND,I could not continue with further education cos my wife gave birth to our twin boys. It was hard managing her alone ..now with 2 children, we barely could feed.

Things were tough. I worked my security guard job and also started dry cleaning business to make ends meet. My wife stayed to take care of our children cos we didn’t have a nanny or relative around us to help.

Barely 2 years after, my wife got pregnant again. I was upset cos of our situation but what could I do? I tried my best but it was not good enough. My wife had to look for a job as a cleaner. She got a job with my boss house. To work for the wife.  I begged her to employ my wife as a cleaner and house keeper.

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We had to find a cheap day care to drop the children so my wife could go to work. My boss wife liked my wife alot and they have been very supportive financially, giving us food stuff and provisions now and again to support.

Not long ago, my wife was fired from her job. I was curious to know what happened cos my boss family  liked her alot. My wife said the woman accused her of stealing. That money was missing from the house. How on earth will they accuse my wife of cheating. My wife was crying.

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I had to go and investigate the matter. The lady refused to speak to me at first. Later on, she came out and was visibly upset. That she trusted my wife so much and gave her freedom to move around her home and her family.

Only for her to say that she caught her husband and my wife having oral in her house. She raised an alarm and my wife confessed that the husband enticed her with money and she had to succumb because of our financial challenges.

However, the woman did not believe that only husband enticed her. Upon checking my wife’s phone, she saw that my wife was texting her husband, telling him how she enjoyed how he handled in the toilet, in the guest bed, etc. That me,her husband does not know how to handle her in bed…That is to say, that my wife was also enticing her husband. That the husband also said that my wife threw herself at him several times before he succumbed to her.

I was devastated. I knelt down and begged her to forgive my husband. By the time I got home, my wife was already packed her bags and crying. Asking me to forgive her. She admitted to sleeping with my boss cos he was very persistent.

He saw how much she suffered and we needed the money. She gave in because she felt we needed the money. My wife revealed that he had given her up to 120k. She denied that she enjoyed the affair…that the man made her send him those texts …that he said he turned him…just to please him for more money…she did what he wanted…I was beyond shocked and upset.

Since this incident, I have not spoken to my boss. I am struggling to concentrate at work. I have not been able to speak to my wife. I don’t what to believe about her story…if she was just pressured to do this or she wanted…you know, she is quite young and pretty… I want her to leave but how do I take care of 3 small children by myself?

I do not know if I can ever forgive her. This really hurt me to my bone. I know women cheat but my wife is someone I trusted with my soul. I feel part of the blame because I could not provide a good life for her. I made her fall for this trap.

Many times, we had been without food or basic needs. I know how she looked sad or desperate. But never in my life did I think she would sleep with a married man…my boss…her boss husband for money.

Since I cannot provide the life she deserves, I think its even better for her to leave. I just don’t know what to do. Why Did My Wife Betray Me: Is It Pressure Or Lust? If its pressure, I blame myself a little…but if she truly lusted for another man…then…I am finished…

If you were in my shoes…what would you do?


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hmmmm. Sir, you didnt let her go when you have not had children , its now she has 3 kids for you. In as much as there are women in rich home that cheats but i feel you also added to it. What do you expect sir from a woman that stays for days starving . Definitely she will be desperate Sir. Not all ladies can cope. Please forgive her and stop bearing more kids. 3 is enough

  2. Hmmm,she knew your condition before she married you so money is not an excuse to cheat. It would have been more honourable if she had begged for the money rather than offer her body. I think she did it out of lust. Ask her if she wants to continue with the marriage and if she’s willing to deal with the present financial situation then make your decision from there. Also STOP having children!

  3. This is serious… I can feel how pained he is now..

    If he can forgive her. He should. Let them both agree to never speak about it again. Tho he may not trust her for a long time…
    He should also find job somewhere else.
    It is not easy..
    What money wud cause

  4. I think you should forgive her because every relationship goes through ups and downs….so it’s best you both come to a compromise and avoid such an occurrence again

  5. I beg you to forgive her she might be telling the truth.. just remember how supportive she has been to you.. just forgive and forget since she already confessed and you should learn to protect your family from such things she is still young and wouldn’t know how to handle situations like this because of the pressure she going through.. your boss has forgiven her husband and has moved on yet you think of sending your wife away that will be foolish of you.. think about it and I believe God will see you through.

  6. Hello sir, indeed, this type of situation is very bad and painful. Take a deep breath and relax a bit.

    I believe you truly love each other before this incident, please forgive your wife, absolutely. Forgive yourself too !
    Let your wife stop working for your boss’s wife.
    Both of you should look for another job or petty trade for your wife.
    Sir, if possibly you can change your job, fine. Hustle more and get closer to your family with more Love, Care and Responsibility. Stop bearing children for now. Do family planning stuff.
    Above it all, both of you should get closer to God. Confess your faults to one another and to God , ask Him for guidance, help and way forward.

    God bless.

  7. Please, forgive her. The fact that she married you despite your poor state proves she truly loves you. Remember that and let it touch your heart. Since she’s sorry for her deed, don’t send her away. Both of you should draw closer to God in true repentance and be committed to Him. He will surely change your situation for good.

  8. Sir,

    Your wife was driven by her lust for the good life. She married you for who you were but when exposed to wealth and material things, she forgot her vows.

    She could have saved her pride and yours by saying no….loyalty was thrown out with the excuse of trying to survive.

    People who do not mind doing anything to survive ….they only think of themselves. Not caring who gets hurt.

    However, to err is human and to forgive is divine….forgive her…and move away from that family to begin to heal.

    Watch and be observant …if she does this again…then you know its lust and not just pressure.



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