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Will My Addiction Will Soon Destroy My Marriage-Please Advise

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Will My Addiction Will Soon Destroy My Marriage-Please Advise

Hello,

I need your help. I wish you do not post this but I know you like to post so other people in similar situation can learn. So,if you do, kindly hide my name. I think I have a serious problem. Initially, I thought I was just having fun but right now, I need professional advise.

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Ma, I have come to a conclusion that I may be an addict. Yes, am addicted…: a s*x addict!!!. I know this is a very big taboo but I know that if I do not address this,it will destroy my life and my marriage.

I am very active s*xually. Even before my marriage. I was fully active with my ex and even though he was abusive to me, I always loved having s*x with him. He was also s*xually abusive. But in my ignorance, I thought it was BDSM. That is aggressive s*x.

Even while we broke up,I would still call him to hook up with him. I could not control myself. I got transferred on my job so I relocated to PH (not real location) where I met an incredible guy. He is fun and makes me so happy. We eventually got married. And today, I been married for 4 years and I have a daughter of 2 years.

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My husband is also s*xually active but I still want more than he can give me. I find myself always horny to the extent that I masturbate and watch p*rn most times. Just to make up. And that is how I have been doing since I been married.

Until 3 months ago, my abusive ex called me and told me he was in PH, that he heard I was in PH. He wanted us to hook up and I told him I was married now. He then said I can always change my mind, he left his address. And ma…I am embarrassed to say this but I fought the urge so much but I was getting weaker and I went to see my ex.

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Since then, my ex has been coming to PH every two weeks and we hook up and we have mad s*x. I feel terrible every time I do this but I cant wait to see him in another two weeks. Please what else do you call this if not addiction? I cannot tell anyone cos I know how people will perceive me.

As I write this, all I can think of is how long before my next appointment with my ex. I love how aggressive he takes me. I love how rough it is with him. Despite this, I still have it with my husband every day at least. Except when my husband says he is tired, so we o it the next day.

I lie to my hubby that I am going to market or going to the gym whenever my ex is around. I am beginning to shake when I am even lying to him. I don’t know whether he has began to notice. This is completely overpowered me.

I tell myself that men cheat in marriage so woman can cheat too…just to make me feel less ashamed but My husband cannot know otherwise my marriage is over. This is a cry for help. I know your advise or referral to a professional psychologist to help me is what I need before its too late.

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Thank you ma.

 

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Will My Addiction Will Soon Destroy My Marriage-Please Advise
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. Thank you for opening up. You need someone to help you through this journey, like an accountability partner ( a therapist). Jzhane can recommend one but the bulk is in you. You need to discipline yourself. Get yourself extremely busy so that you are worked out and tired everyday. Work helps us get our mind off our problems.

  2. This is a serious case. But the truth is that there is always solution……a permanent solution to every seemingly insurmountable problem in this life.

    Thank you for sharing your problems. It is half solved.

    Seriously, the solution is in your hands and really depend on you.

    You need to be Self-discipline and get yourself engaged!….. really engaged in activities that will take your mind away from your ex, just as @Fisayo has advised.

    I believe you also need a psychologistl to help you out.

    Above all, you should cry to God for help, mercy, forgiveness and deliverance ! I promise you He will hear you if you cry to Him from your heart.

    Trust God

  3. Hello Ma’am,

    I emphasize with you. I feel your struggle and I want to help you.

    But you have to want to be helped bad enough to take my advise:

    But first…questions:

    Before your ex: were you s*xually active? Was the experience the same? If yes…then…we also have to ask …at what time in your life did you discover your insatiable desire for s*x and abusive s*x? Someone or something triggered it. Was there an abuse when you were much younger? Were you exposed to p**n at an early age?

    If your answer is no, then…your ex may have brainwashed you to believe something is wrong with you…and he alone can satisfy you with the type of s*x he gives.

    The good news however is that you have the power to break this addition or influence….

    You need to look at your daughter’s eyes and your husband’s and your future…and ask yourself…is it worth loosing over just to have kinky s*x?

    Am sure you know the answer to the above.

    So my dear…dont cry anymore….you need to talk to a professional therapist and they would encourage you to bring your husband along to therapy. Your husband needs to know that you are ill…mentally ill and need help.

    I know you are afraid that if your husband finds out…he will leave you but Watch this American movie: Addiction, it will help you and your husband understand what you are dealing with.

    Most importantly…you need to give your heart and your life to Christ. This is a journey of faith in a higher power, a sovereign power to help you deal with this issue.

    Ask God for forgiveness. Ask your husband for forgiveness. And be ready to do whatever it takes to get him to forgive and heal with you. It might take time but he might also understand when he goes to therapy with you.

    With s*xual desire…it can be curbed as other desires. You may feel the urge but you can deny the urge. Let someone preferably your husband or therapist become your accountability partner anytime you feel the urge.

    Do away with every material or content that fuels the urge. Do away with p**n or idling away.

    Get busy…put reminders around you…little reminders that show you that you can make it.

    Read books. Join a support group…you can beat this….you just need to be strong and be resilient.

    Your daughter will be proud of you and you will live a happier and fulfilled life after the storm.

    Do not give up…get up and get your life back on track…like you said…before its too late!

    God bless.

  4. I will be honest with you, your ex, block his, No, on calls messages, WhatsApp, Facebook, you one,what to do all along when he called you but the sex issue made you choose wrong… But I understand, my dear sister tell your husband, the issue is you can’t justify adultery, you said men cheat so women too can cheat, I ask you is all men that cheat…no, cheating has nothing to do with gender….see a therapist and block your ex completely, don’t tell him you want to stop having to sex with him, just go ahead and block him in all ways… Pls tell your husband and expalin how it all started…trust me if you tell him every details on how it started he will understand, tell him of masturbating and watching porn, I mean how you started having sex and got addicted to it, seeing your ex…tell him all. See a therapist, but also I think you issue is spiritual..trust I know what I’m saying. GOD bless you sister.

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