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I Slept With My Best Friend: How Do I Keep My Marriage After This?

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I Slept With My Best Friend: How Do I Keep My Marriage After This?

Hello ma,

Please hide my identity. I just need a confidant. Goke (not real name) and I have been friends since 2010. I knew him from work. He is a Christian youth leader. He invited me to his church you program and that is how we became friends.

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We are so close that people tease us ,that we would get married. But we are only best of friends. Goke already was betrothed to his Pastor’s daughter right from secondary school. They have been in ministry for so long and they are both known to get married in future.

Goke and his girlfriend at the time seem like an odd couple to me but he always tells me how much her family helped him. I think he was marrying her cos of how her family helped him from when he was a Youth church member until he became a coordinator.

The girl is fat and a bit unattractive for Goke. Goke is a handsome bloke and everyone seem to think he and I were better together but Goke never tried to date me to be romantic to me. He was like a big brother to me. Anyone who tried to date me,must be screened by Goke. My first heartbreak…Goke was there for me but not romantically.

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In 2015, I met my husband. He was working in Abuja. He and I fell in love at first sight. Goke and my husband were cool. He approved of my husband. We got married in 2016. Goke and his girlfriend got married the same year.

After marriage, my husband became uncomfortable with my relationship with Goke. He didnt like that I referred to Goke as my best friend. Being married,he insisted that he as my husband should be my best friend. Just for peace,I told Goke that I have to reduce my closeness to him as my husband did not like it.

Goke did not like it but he respected my wishes. But sometimes, when me and my husband have challenges…Goke is the only friend that can advise me well cos he is a Pastor and God fearing. We are still believing God for the fruit of the womb. Its not been easy. My husband is understanding but sometimes, he too gets frustrated and it affects our communication and we sometimes fight alot.

Last year, around December…Goke opened up to me that he and his wife were having issues. They have been having issues even before marriage. He confessed that he married her cos he was engaged to her since the age of 19 years. He never wanted to break his promise. They have one daughter, she is 3 years old.

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However, Goke caught his wife cheating and she has not stopped. He told her to choose between him and her lover and she moved out of their house in March 2019. She never returned. Goke never told me all of this. But in December, the wife filed for divorce and Goke became single.

I felt bad for Goke being my best friend. But then he said it was God’s will. I asked him what he meant by that…he said he knows I am the one he was supposed to marry but he was stubborn cos he wanted to fufill his promises to his ex wife. That revelation shocked me cos I then realized that I truly loved Goke but since he never showed me signs…I did not force it.

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Now, every day, I talk to Goke. Is what some people call emotional affair. He knows everything about me…even when I am on my period. I know. My husband is not aware but Goke gives me peace. I feel like I also made a mistake marrying my husband. He is good but not good enough for me.

Now, the big issue. I saw Goke exactly two months ago. It was a secret meeting but we had to see each other. It was a mistake but both of us knew this was our destiny. We made love. I am so sorry. Its exactly 2 months now. I am pregnant. What other confirmation is there? I been married for 4 years…no pregnancy…not even a miscarriage….I sleep once with Goke….and I get pregnant!!!

I am scared but I know I want to file for a divorce. I have not told Goke but that is what I will do. I called a lawyer and asked for advice on how to get a divorce. My husband stumbled on my chat with the lawyer and since then…my husband has not been himself. He has been angry and begging me and pleading with me.

Family has been called and everyone is asking me why I want a divorce. I cannot tell them that I am pregnant for another man. That will be too much for my family to bear. My inlaws..my family….everyone is begging me and asking me what happened…what do I tell them? My husband is promising to be a better man…promise to love me and care for me and do anything I ask…

Should I remove this pregnancy and forget about Goke or tell them the truth about Goke and me? What if I never have another child by my husband if I stay back in my marriage? Or should I pin the child on my husband? he could be the father…what if he is? What of the fact that Goke says he knows in his spirit …that I am his wife…what should I do?

 

Anonymous

 

Photo Credit:iStock

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I Slept With My Best Friend: How Do I Keep My Marriage After This?
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

8 COMMENTS

  1. It is better you people go your separate ways oooo,you cannot give another man’s child to your husband oooo. Follow Goke since he is the person you want and has ever wanted. Biko keep that child oooo,the child is innocent.

  2. Let her really find out why Goke and his wife divorced in the first place. For Goke might jus be telling her what she wants to hear. These kinda brothers are not to be trusted.
    The grass is not always greener on the other side.

    However, I see she doesn’t actually love her husband. And since no child now. It wud be best she leaves instead of forever regretting.

    I don’t know when this bestie stuffs started among our generation even till inside marriage

    • In that case. Abortion is also a sin. So if she can work it out with her husband. Then good. It won’t probably be easy for him to accept another man’s child tho.

      Then she has to really cut all ties with that bestie even stop going to his church if that’s where she worships and delete all memories she has off him. With time. Maybe she would grow to love her husband and it can be better again for them

  3. You said Goke is a Pastor, Christian… No he is not, he is a greedy and covetous man, the fact that he didnt like it when you told him your husband doesn’t like your closeness to him tells a lot about him, why will he want to be the best friend of a married woman, Goke is wicked person, he said its GOD’s will, that what greedy people always say to deceive you. When I hear ladies say a man not their husband is their best friend… I feel like vomtting, how stupid can we human beings be…I’m not insulting you, I’m just disgusted. Goke is a greedy man, Pastor my foot, these are the so called Pastors who sleep with church members, and ladies won’t use their brain to think. To me, I don’t think you love Goke, I don’t think you do, its lust, you will regret if you marry him, your husband will hurt yes he will, but you will regret your actions. Tell your husband everything, even Goke’s pregnancy. Don’t blame your husband for your adultery, you made the choice yourself, you met Goke secretly, entered transport, called him, lied to your husband, off your clothes, undies, kissed him, enjoyed the sex, and you tell us your cos your husband and you have issues is the cause of you cheating, no my sister, you are 100% responsible, your saw opportunity to chest and you took it, if Goke told you after having sex that he has HIV aids, will you say you love him, you cheated on your husband cos you are greedy and covetous, i know I sound hard, but im just being honest with you. Leave Goke, block his No on calls, whatsapp, sms, Facebook, and every other means, tell your husband everything.. I mean everything, and you guys should start afresh with your husband, Goke maybe lying to you about his wife, that’s how greedy people are, they won’t always tell the whole truth. I wish you the best Sister. I am Akin

  4. The pregnancy must be kept and tell your husband the truth …forget goke if your husband can’t take it start all over you have the fruit of womb you have always prayed for I feel your husband has issue with his health he should go to hospital for check up

  5. Madam,

    Goke is just an excuse for you to fantasize on what could have been. You need to tell your husband and let your husband decide if he still wants the marriage….

    If he decides he wants to be married to you and yet your eye is on Goke…then there is no point…give him a divorce but this might be a very big mistake you are making.

    You may just be throwing away a marriage for a fantasy….no guarantee that your future with Goke will work.

    Why not end this foolishness….tell your husband about your mistakes and try to win him to accept the pregnancy or give Goke his child when you deliver and focus on your marriage.

    Meanwhile…who knows…this child might be your husband’s…so tell your hubby…and if he accepts… work on your marriage and wait till you can get a DNA later.

    In all…this is a big mess …things will never be the same again.

    Goke may have made a mistake by not choosing you earlier….you made things worse by forgetting the one who actually chose you and is trying to win your love back.

    Be cautious ma…all that glitters is not gold…ask God to forgive you and ask your husband to forgive you.

    What ever happens after that…I pray you begin to live the better version of life than you have been doing recently..

    God bless you.

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