Home Advice My Boyfriend Abused Me Before: Will He Ever Do It Again?

My Boyfriend Abused Me Before: Will He Ever Do It Again?

-

- Advertisement -

My Boyfriend Abused Me Before: Will He Ever Do It Again?

Hello ma,

I need your advice. So, I was dating Mike (not real name) in 2014. He was a cool boyfriend and everything was fine. Until one day that we got into an argument and he became really angry …the way I have never seen him before.

- Advertisement -

That really shook me. I decided to give him space the first time it occurred. I was truly shaken. After series of apologies, I forgave him. Not up to a month after, we had an argument about me not picking his calls during work hours and before I knew it, he said I was cheating on him and he slapped me.

Of course, that made me break up with him for good this time. I left him and was single for a year. I met someone else and I thought it was going to work but it didn’t (that one is story for another day) We broke up eight months later and since then I been single.

This year, I received a friend invite from Mike. I accepted him cos I mean…its been almost 4 year or more since we broke up. I didn’t think much of it. Nothing bad with being Facebook friends with your ex na?

- Advertisement -

I noticed that he was posting several pictures of video of him doing NGO work, especially during covid time and also church programs. He had become something of like a motivational speaker and relationship counsellor. I was wondering if he had changed his personality cos he did really look like a decent man.

On my birthday, In June, he sent me a cake and surprise gifts. I called him to thank him. That was when he told me how he rededicated his life to God. That he realized he has anger management issues from childhood and he went through counseling and he is doing alot better. I congratulated him.

Next day,he sent me a really long letter and basically asking me to give him another chance. We met up later and I think the way he spoke made me realize that he may have truly changed or at least he is trying to.

Also Read >>  Mike Edwards's Wife Perri Shakes-Drayton Celebrates Him On His 30th Birthday

Since June,we have been dating and its been nothing short of amazing. Mike is the most gentle and loving boyfriend. He even said no s*x until marriage yet he treats me like a queen. He even invited me to go with him to an exotic resort, where we stayed for the weekend…he only kissed me…he never touched me even though I wanted him to do more… I may be heavily in love this time. People even credit me for brining out the best in Mike.

The only problem now is that my friend and sisters are not happy I went back to Mike. They were there when Mike slapped me in our first relationship and they still see him as an abusive man. They believe he can never change and that he will go back to his old self once he gets what he wants.

Last weekend was magical as Mike hosted my family and friends and proposed to me: promising to love and protect my all the days of his life. My sisters are still a bit skeptical but my friend, especially Onyindamola (not real name) is saying I am making the biggest mistake of my life. She wants me to return the ring to Mike and never agree to be his wife.

- Advertisement -

I get it. Oyindamola’s elder sister was in an abusive relationship and almost lost her life. She lost her sanity for sure. But does that mean that will happen to everyone in love with someone who was once abusive? Is there no redemption for such people? Do you think I am making a mistake or do you think Oyindamola is just scared or maybe even jealous that me and Mike are looking so happy together….

 

Please advise me ma…

 

Anonymous

 

Photo Credit:Pinterest

- Advertisement -

Click Here to join LivelyStones Nigeria Telegram Group

My Boyfriend Abused Me Before: Will He Ever Do It Again?
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

6 COMMENTS

  1. Good AFternoon.
    People Change and become better, i know. But, Did you Still see him angry when he came back after all those years?? Did you see him handle anger? It is quite hard for abusive people to just change ooo.
    My dear, don’t go ahead with wedding plans if you are not sure about it. You need to catch up those times you both were not together ooo. When you are in the marriage already, it becomes harder to just leave like that…… Please, Take your time please. Be sure he is no longer abusive. BE VERY SURE.
    Left to me, i will say you should return his ring sha. But Be very sure my dear.

    God will give you wisdom.
    Shalom!!

  2. I’ll advice you take your time to observe him..he may have truly changed..

    Above all take out time to always pray for your relationship.. marriage is very spiritual so need to have God paddle the boat of your relationship.

  3. Sis, take your time. Pray. Observe. Do not be blinded by love. Until you’re convincingly sure he’s change, don’t rush to the altar with him. Yes people change for better. He may have changed. But, be SURE HE’S CHANGED. Shalom.

  4. Take your time, intact provoke him to anger and see his reaction. Also observe how he treats other people especially family and friends. Since you love him, try and give him an opportunity to prove himself but don’t rush into any thing. Your friend and sister love you that is why they are worried ( you won’t blame them) so let your boyfriend also know that those people are watching out for you based on past experience. That will also put your boyfriend on his toes ( if he has genuinely changed).
    Above all pray and pray that God will guide you.

  5. Hello,

    The problem I see here is that you went back to him. Its not because he cannot change or does not have the capacity to change…its that trust has been broken and even if he is an angel now…you will keep second guessing him and how long before he gets frustrated that you are second guessing his actions and he feels like he may not be able to change enough for you?

    If he is attending anger management therapy and wants you to go with him…attend and see things for yourself…if he is truly committed to the process…pray about it and maybe observe a little longer….observe his reaction when his anger is triggered. Do not rush into things.

    Its not a one way street situation….people who were abusive can change and they can also pretend…only time will tell…and you need to give it time….observation and prayers.

    Wish you all the best.

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

RELATED ARTICLES

My Boyfriend Abused Me Before: Will He Ever Do It Again?

Must Read

My Neighbor Is Cheating On Her Husband- Should I Tell Her Husband?

My Neighbor Is Cheating On Her Husband- Should I Tell Her Husband? Good evening house, Please I need your advise. We live in the same compound...

How I Spent Money On Four Different Men & Still Got Dumped- Lady Cries Out

How I Spent Money On Four Different Men & Still Got Dumped- Lady Cries Out A heartbroken Nigerian lady has taken to Twitter to narrate...

Nigerian Singer Asa Reveals Why She Is Not Yet Married At Age 36

Nigerian Singer Asa Reveals Why She Is Not Yet Married At Age 36 “As I grow older I become selfish” – 36-year-old Asa reveals why...

I Was Humiliated On My Traditional Wedding Night – Will There Be A Church Wedding?

I Was Humiliated On My Traditional Wedding Night - Will There Be A Church Wedding? Hi, I am anonymous. I have been in a relationship with...

100 Happy New Month Messages October, New Month Prayers For October

Happy new month messages October, new month prayers for October, new month wishes for friends, and family members for October 2020, have been compiled by Lively Stones...

My Neighbor and His Wife Seduced My Wife,Now I Am Ashamed

That my wife was always complaining that I was not satisfying her s*xually. I was shocked. I eventually took my wife inside and started to interrogate her.
×