My Marriage Started To Breakdown After We Became Rich -Pls Advise
Good Morning ma,
Please pray for me and advise me. I don’t know who else to talk to cos I have told myself that divorce is not an option for me but I so pushed to the wall that I don’t know if I can still keep my promise of no divorce.
My name is Lilly (not real name). I am 45 years old. Married for 16 years and with three children between the ages of 15 and 11. I met my husband when he was just earning 25k as a security officer years back. But I fell in love with his kindness and heart. He was from a polygamous home, things were rough for him but he was a very dedicated Christian.
I fell in love with his dreams and ambitions. He swore, one day, he would go back to school and I was the first person to believe in that dream. I was working in the bank and earning well as a young woman. I helped him pay his school fees. And before long, we became very close when he was in 200 level.
Our love grew and we got married when he was in 300 level. He had nothing but so much love, kindness and very humble. He helped me alot, raised the children with me. He was the best husband any woman could wish for. Our first child was 3 years old when he graduated. He could not get a decent job so he came to help me grow my frozen foods side business.
I left my banking job to join him in the business when I had our third child. It was a difficult pregnancy. Together, we managed to run the business and even though we were not so wealthy, we were comfortable.
God blessed us, my husband finally got a job and he left the business for me to run. Things began to change for us. My husband is very smart too. He got promoted and rewarded very frequently in his job. He changed jobs very soon and he got bigger offers.
That was when I noticed he was changing. He began unkind to me and the children. He stopped helping out with anything like he used to. I did not mind too much because the children were grown but I missed having my very caring husband. He kept late nights in the name of work or traffic.
He gave me money but I did not have his attention. His work became more important that our family. The kids missed him, I missed him. I tried to talk to him several times but he said I was over reacting. We quarreled more and more cos we never seemed to see eye to eye on anything.
We stopped sleeping together cos we moved into our house we built. He got his own room and gave me mine. I hated the idea but he refused to change his mind. My husband is so rich now that he does not take my advise, he does not ask me anything. He has become proud and talks roughly to me and the children. We now avoid him.
The children and I wish things can go back to normal so we can all be happy. When I try to communicate that to my husband …he misinterprets it and says I want him to go back to being broke so I can continue to control his life.
The biggest change in my life now, is that women are now flocking all around him. He says he is not doing anything like cheating but if he is not sleeping with his wife, he thinks I am stupid enough to believe he is not sleeping with someone else? I suspect he has a concubine or so…cos he spends time outside for days sometimes.
Ma…I am tired. I tried to ask our pastor and elders too counsel him but he gives them money so they cant correct him much. They just tell me to be patient and prayerful. Its been almost 5 years since this change in attitude. I do not recognize the man I married anymore.
Like I said, its been almost 5 years without sleeping with my husband. I hardly see him. We hardly agree on anything. I have prayed and waited on God. I think its safe to say…maybe divorce is the next thing. What else am I enjoying in this marriage? If you were in my shoes…what will you do?
At 45…I am still young and desirable….I cannot continue to endure this marriage…I do not want to grow old miserable or die heartbroken.