HomeAdviceDivorce Is Not An Option But Cheating Is Beyond My Control

Divorce Is Not An Option But Cheating Is Beyond My Control

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Divorce Is Not An Option But Cheating Is Beyond My Control

Hi,

I need your advise. My wife and I are having issues for over six months now. We live in the same house but she does not sleep with me or barely speak with me. And that is because she found out my indiscretion in March.

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I been married for four years now. We were both virgins when we married. So, she is my first and I hers.  Along the line, I got tired of having s*x the missionary style and wanted to try new things to spice up our life.

That was when my wife shocked me and refused to try other s*x styles like doggy or oral s*x. I was very disappointed but I love my wife, so I did not bother her. She say doggy style is painful for her and oral is against her beliefs.

But ma, as a man, I desire these kind of exciting ways of making love and I watch films and I really get aroused seeing other people do it. One day, I gave two ladies from my office lift after work. I noticed one of them was trying to be close to me…I used to give both of them lift.

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Then, one day, only one of them waited for me cos she could not find transport. We closed late that day and on the way, we got talking and it was getting interesting. I asked her if she was in a relationship, she said she just broke up with her guy. She wanted to know why I asked her and I said nothing just curios.

However, she went further to say that she likes me and she wish I was not married. I smiled but then she also went ahead and said miss her s*x with her boyfriend. All these, I know she was telling me because she wanted me. I told her lets hangout. She agreed. I took her to a hotel, paid the bill.

That night …it was wild. All the imaginations I had wanted with my wife..I had with her…she was wild and gave me all the styles. For the first time,I felt I made a mistake marrying my wife.

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That was how my affair with this lady started…until my wife noticed I was not bothering her again for s*x. She checked my phone and saw messages between me and this lady. She went crazy but I told her she pushed me to it.  That her refusing doggy or oral pushed me to cheat.

This almost broke us up but after much counselling, we agreed to work things out. My wife agreed for the doggy but not oral. She maintained its still a sin. Even the doggy,she just make me loose interest cos she will be behaving uncomfortable…not enjoying it.

I decided not to bother her again. When she noticed I am quiet… she will start making trouble…saying I am selfish and all I want is s*x and I don’t care what she feels. I don’t know what is so strange about a man wanting doggy or oral from his wife.

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This is one reason a lot of men cheat on their wives. Side chicks are ready to give what the married ones don’t want to give. I feel so bad but since the situation is not getting better, I been thinking maybe its time to end the marriage.

There’s  nothing I have not tried. I gave her books to reach, videos to watch…even paid for an online coaching class for her to watch but she still maintain her stance. I really do not want to divorce…I cannot bear to see my children go through this but if you were in my shoes, what will you do?

This has drawn me and that lady close. I am getting tempted to continue the affair with her…I really do not wish to…but my wife is being inconsiderate and I really feel she does not care about me as much as I care about her.

Please advise me…its almost end of year…I cannot continue in a marriage where we hardly speak to each other or enjoy s*x with each other…if she cannot compromise…I will continue cheating cos divorce is not an option…

What else can I do?

 

Anonymous

 

Photo Credit:Rawpixel

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Divorce Is Not An Option But Cheating Is Beyond My Control
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

10 COMMENTS

  1. It is sad that it has come to this stage but then one thing am very sure that has not remedy is death. So still try and give her time and play your part I believe strongly with time she will definitely come around or you can ask her in subtle way for separation since it’s not working out and watch her reactions and try and control or rather disciple your self…. pls note you should let her see reason to make your sex life more fun and fulfilling…

  2. Hello Bro, let me correct some things you said, you said your wife pushed you into it and cos she isn’t trying other sex styles is reason why men cheat, that’s BIG LIE, you cheated on your wife cos you are VERY VERY GREEDY AND COVETOUS,you also said side chicks are ready to give you other styles, I must say you are acting stupid, read about adultery in proverbs chapters 5 6 7, and tell us what is there, you gave her a lift, she told you she misses her sex life, you told her let’s hang out and then went to hotel and had sex and then you tell us, your wife is the cause of your adultery.. No man, I know I sound hard, but I LOVE you so much to be lying to you. Your wife not liking doggy is not wrong, people are different, she said its painful so you to should consider her too, oral sex is not healthy if your wife doesnt like oral pls leave her and to me its a rubbish act, and the same mouth you will use to pray to GOD..Tufiakwa..lol you said you are tempted to continue the affair, yes you may cos you are greedy and self centered, you better stop carrying that WICKED lady in your office, you felt like leaving the marriage, just listen to what you said, cos of one wicked lady giving you all sex styles and oral..oga use your head you is a grown up man…habbaa. You said in your last paragraph that if your wife cannot compromise you will continue your adultery so why then are you asking what to do. If you will continue pls save your wife from sexual diseases and infections by using condom. I love you Bro, so I lay it bare for you and didn’t downplay adultery, its a sin that takes men and women to hell.. So stop the affair and sit with your wife and explain to her, that with time she may like it. Love you Bro. I am Akindele.

  3. Bros, there’s much more in marriage than doggy style and blow job. You are complaining about this because apparently your wife is handling all other aspects very well. Don’t destroy your home because of sexual fantasy. Be patient with your wife, over time she will come around and you should be ready to compromise also. Rekindling the extra marital relationship only destroys a permanent relationship for a temporal fling. Wake up from your deep slumber and build your home. Be wise.
    Moreover adultery is sinful and will surely ruin you and destroy your life efforts. Seek God with your whole heart. Am sure you wedded your wife in a church as a Christian. Retrace your steps and reorganize your sexual preferences. That lady in your office certainly does not mean well for you.

  4. “A wise man will hear and will increase learning..”

    Excuse me sir, do you truly know what LOVE is..? Love is not a feeling AT ALL sir. In fact read 1 Corinthians 13v4-8 from another version besides KJV to have an idea of this LOVE I’m talking about. Read it as many times as possible till it enters your spirit and get a hold of your mind. By the time you are done, you’ll discover that you are missing out on the blessing God as prepared for you.

    Having extra marital affairs is like putting a hot coal on your laps. Read those chapters of Proverbs Mr Akin gave you and you’ll see that everything you are doing is meaningless.

    “Husbands LOVE your wives… ” is a command not an appeal.

    God bless you sir

  5. Excuse me sir, you sound like your wife is the selfish and self centered one here but the truth is this, you are. Most women neither like doggy nor oral sex. It shouldn’t be a reason why women should be punished. In this case, you’re just being wicked and punishing your wife by cheating. Excuse me once more sir, you said you married this lady a virgin, so what makes you think that she will want all these styles? You cheated because of your selfish desires. Now let me ask you, apart from not giving you these styles of sex, hasn’t she been taking care of your kids and home? Hasn’t she been of great help to you? You want to devorce her because of doggy and oral sex and probably marry the one that can give them to you. Now when you do that, is that what you’re going to do for the rest of your life? Be sure the woman you’re going to bring in won’t also get tired of having doggy and oral sex with one man, she might want to try it with other men tomorrow. Then I wonder if you will have the mouth to complain. I’m sorry to sound harsh, but you don’t sound like you deserve that your wife. Things aren’t ok in the house now because you broke the bound. So what are you doing to get it back? You cheated is that you cheated and so you should put your family together by apologising and not looking for excuses why you cheated. If you give a true apology and repent from the heart, the woman might consider your request. Now she’s not enjoying your doggy style because she was asked to do it to satisfy your selfish desires and not because she loves you, so what makes you think she will enjoy it even if it’s not painful? In your act of cheating, you still turned the table against her. In fact in this case, it’s the woman that should be considering whether to divorce you or not and not you. You all think that “love” is a feeling. It’s not. Love is you standing tall in situations that aren’t favourable to you. To you now, it’s all about sex. Keep having it outside until you get the one that will send you to an early grave. I wonder what you will teach your children. I’m so pissed off right now.

  6. Is marriage all about sex? Is that the only thing that matters to you.
    I think you are being selfish and that is why you haven’t achieved much in your pursuit to get your wife to be more flexible in bed.
    Forget about those nonsense you watched in porn and x-rated movie, they only corrupt your mind. This was what happened to Eve in the Bible. She began to see the forbidden fruit differently because the devil deceived her.
    Don’t ruin your marriage because of sex. What about your children. Have you ever wondered what your infidelity is doing to them?

    Learn self control and man up. Stop dining with the devil and build your home.

  7. This is why its good to acsertain your sexual compatibilty with your partner before diving into marriage. Another reason why sex after marriage is an epic fail.

    If only they explored their sexual balance before marriage, we wouldnt be here reading this ‘story that tickles the nose’

    I’m still searching for that verse in the bible where oral sex is a sin, someone please help me with a turbo-charged torchlight maybe i’ll find it

    Oral sex has nothing to do with religion, rather its a matter of personal principle or conviction because my own religion does not forbid it

    The wife is selfish and her selfishness has put their marriage at risk. I’m not an advocate of divorce especially on flimsy reasons but on this, i’ll put divorce on the cards since the wife is unreasonably inconsiderate

    The woman should moderate that her silly religious excuse and stands, go down on her knees, grab the microphone, sing to it like a sonorous songstress until the man shouts ‘hallelujah’ to her listening delight and watch the man shower her with encomiums after he finally ‘arrives’. The aftermath will be a greater bond between them

    Anything other than this, we could be counting days rather than months before a divorce is filed

    My 2kobo!

  8. i am glad i saw truths coming from men to a man.
    how on earth will someone be narrow minded and put blame on adultery on the spouse!
    lets stop these myopicness already. let’s stay faithful and disciplined in marriage, for God , not for the spouse’ sake. who says women dont have temptations too! so let greedy,selfcentred and fault finding men like in this story, stop bragging cos its a challenging world now for both sexes. and all ll stand before God individually. self discipline is an individual decision, love is more than sex, and patience is a virtue in love. no one should put blame on another for their excerpade.

  9. Sir,

    Marriage is about compromise…on both sides…your wife made one compromise to do doggy…why not compromise too and allow her to grow one day to either love oral or not…

    S*x is important in marriage but not the ultimate…make compromises…you are hurting your wife…she is part of you…and you are hurting yourself by hurting her.

    Go for professional counselling…speak to a s*x coach together…you both need to communicate better and stop trying to force rules or fantasies down each other…

    Maybe your wife is scared or traumatized…there must be a reason she hates oral…she needs better communication with you…she needs kindness…compassion…empathy and love from you.

    If you show her love…be patient with her…she will come around…just seek professional counselling and see a s*x coach together.

    Prayerfully…both of you will be ok.

    God bless

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