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My Baby Daddy Is Threatening To Take My Children & Destroy Me -Pls Advise

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My Baby Daddy Is Threatening To Take My Children & Destroy Me -Pls Advise

Good evening ma,

Pls post for me…I need advice, sorry I had to post it like this.My name joy (not real name) when I was 18 I was in a relationship wit the father of my kids, now I am 29. We we were in love, he was de one that dis-vigined me, due to dat process I got pregnant.

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So he said I should leave it, people advice I should leave it, so I did…my dad was very mad at me but he had no choice, so I had my first son when at the age of 21, so my dad ask me to go and live with him.

I refused because he had not paid my bride price but he insisted dat I should go, so I went. Then, he was still leaving under his mother and sister but I had to live there with him, so I stayed for 2 years.

His sister was not friendly at all, anything his sister tell him, that is what he will do. So I got fed up and decided to leave. Then, my son is 2 years old, so I told him that, I am going to live with my sister in Benin.

Firstly he refused, so I talked to him and he allowed me to go, I put my son in school, if I ask him for money he will refuse that he cannot give me money unless I come back, so I give him condition that he should go and rent his own apartment and he did.

So I started leaving with him again, my son now turned 5 years and I got pregnant…though that was not my plan, I tried aborting it all to no avail, so I had to leave the baby, that was when I had my second baby girl, everything turned worse.

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His family started coming to the house and we are living in a single room, the most painful part is dat he was the last of 6 boys and a girl, if they want to hold family meeting is that our house, no single privacy at all. It was so uncomfortable for I and my kids but I still keep calm.

So he decide to travel to Ghana, which is 3 years back. I said no problem, so he left me with only 50k, no store, nothing, I am a hair stylist, he refuse to open store for me due to his own selfish reasons, just him and his family, but he always provide food for us. As if dat was de only thing I want.

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So he left, my baby was 11 months then. So I manage the money and it got finished, I was feeding hand to mouth, I got tired, school fees, feeding was on me and my mom was in Benin. At my young age I was struggling with life.

So I called him and said let me take the baby to my mom. Then, she was 1year and some months so I can work and take care of the boy, he refused and said if I must take the baby to my mum then I should go with her, so I pack few of my things and my kids things, then we left.

I took the baby to my mum then the boy with me to live with my sister in the same Benin but different place. We start going along till one day, his family started talking to him that I was doing prostitution in Benin. That if he comes back he should not take me back. He started believing them and picking quarrels with me.

He won’t call, nothing, not that he was sending money o, I was the one paying my kids fees and taking care of all their needs, because I was working in a bar, when he came last year, no house for him to stay, nothing, his family took all his property. So he was now living with his sister up till this moment.

This December will make him a year in Nigeria, I was still the one footing all the bills. All he does is  smoke and flirt with girls though we are not together anymore. I have moved on with my life. He said if I am tired I should bring the kids to him, unless he won’t give me money for anything.

Even his family are not talking to me, I was faithful for a year, I did not cheat on him, still he did not appreciate it, he will go to my dad place and insult him simply because we don’t have boy (I mean, I don’t have a brother). I cannot give my kids to him because he cannot take care of them.

I don’t want them to suffer like I did in the hands of my step mom, I am now in a serious relationship and he his threaten to destroy my life if I don’t brings is kids to him. They are still small, the boy is 8 and the girl is ,3. I am scared of loosing my kids…please ma, I need your advice, what should I do?

Take the kids to him or forget about him and struggle with their fees and their needs…? I am confused, this was never my plan in life. Sorry for the long post…I need help.

 

Anonymous Lively Stones Whatsapp Member

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

3 COMMENTS

  1. My dear Sister, first you need to be STRONG, also that’s why we sex before marriage is a sin, if you didn’t gave sex all these won’t be happening, that guy is not serious at all, DO NOT take the kids to him please, please don’t, keep up with the hussle and save well, GOD will see you through, forget that guy, if he wants to see the kids, it should be at a public place and make sure you go with you aunty you are staying with, pls don’t EVER go see him at his place at all, pls don’t. I wish you well. Love you sister. I am Akin

  2. Well said, sister you really need to wake up and start your life afresh.After all, you are not legally married to this man. Pick up the pieces of your life and let the new man know everything about you. Open up to him before you go too far. And don’t ever go under the sheet without proper marital vows. Also, don’t give your children to their father for now. You can approach some NGOs or police station and report him formerly, just in case he likes to pull a bad string. The custody case can be charged to court and he will be compelled to assist you with financial aid to foot the bills of the children. Your baby daddy is not ready to begin a family yet. Forget about him and move on with your life, probably and if possible to a place very far from him.
    Legalize your present relationship before you begin any sexual relationship and be strong as before. The Lord Jesus is your help

  3. If you have a job…approach the ministry of women affairs …request for custody of the children…and if you can prove to them that he is an unstable father…they will ensure that you get to keep your children with you.

    You also need to go somewhere far if you can…so it wont be easy for him to find you.

    But do not let him take the children…you are all they have and they need their mother growing up

    Its a sacrifice you have to make…these children did not ask to be born but they deserve a parent that will protect and provide for them…if their father is incapable of doing that…then its your call.

    Please stand strong and courageous for your children…they will forever thank you for it.

    God bless

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