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My Wife Had An Affair But Claims Its Was Just Emotional Nothing Really Happened -Please Advise

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My Wife Had An Affair But Claims Its Was Just Emotional Nothing Really Happened -Please Advise

Good day,

I don’t want my name to be published. I just want advise. My wife and I are having issues. And she actually disappointed me by moving out of the house. We dated for four years before we got married this year, February.

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When we were dating, she was quiet and humble. Everything about her never showed that she could be violent or aggressive. The only thing was that there was this man whom she does business with. She is a caterer. They collaborate, as he is an event planner. She says he gives her business and vice versa.

They spend alot of time on the phone…all I thought was that they were talking business. My wife never gave me a reason to think otherwise. This guy actually helped plan our wedding. After the wedding, there was lockdown due to corona virus. So, business was not forth coming for my wife, however,she used to talk to this guy or chat with him.

This made me ask her why they are still so close,always talking ..when clearly,no business is going on. My wife said that they are friends na…that can she not talk to her friend? I told her ok but what will his wife think of their constant communication. That was when she told me the man and his wife are separated.

I then asked my wife to be careful and cut down on her communication with him. She still did not. This really irritated me. I took her phone and blocked this man’s no. My wife got upset and accused me of trying to control her. The matter got heated and I told her she was not acting like a wife but a single girl.

All these while, my wife made me think I was overreacting, I never checked her phone. I only blocked the guy’s no which she unblocked (I found out later). I then decided to go through their chat and saw that she was actually flirting with the guy and talking trash about me.

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What pained me was that she discussed our s*x life with him. That I am a 2 minute man…that I do not satisfy her…that she regrets marrying me. This man now replies her that he can give her all she is missing if only she allows him. She did not rebuke him, she would laugh at his words.

Even though, I did not see clear evidence that she was having something with him…their many dirty chats was enough evidence that this man has crossed or was trying to cross boundaries. I got very upset as any married man who discovers this would do. My wife and I exchanged words and she confirmed what she said in her chat…she called me a 2 minute man.

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That broke me down and I beat her up. This is something I never imagined that I would do. I regret my actions till today but this woman took my manhood and used it to insult me. All the while we were married…she never complained I was not satisfying her. Yes…she always say I should try and stay longer but I never knew it was an issue…if not…I would have tried to get maybe medication to help.

After the incident, my wife moved out of our house. No amount of begging could change her mind. Even though my family was really upset that she had an inappropriate conversation with another man. In fact, I was told that she and this man were now very close after she moved out of my house.

All of these happened in June. Only four months after marriage…my wife moved out and maybe started having an affair with her so called business partner. Its been a very painful period for me. Actually trying to figure out where things went wrong…how did I end up like this? My wife insulted and attacked me in the process and told people she was trying to defend herself. Ok…but why then has she refused attempts to reconcile.

After trying to beg for almost July to September, I finally left her alone. I told her that she can do whatever she likes. Since I heard rumors that she was having an affair with the man, I decided to move on too. I met someone in September and even though things are just moving causally…I think I like her alot…

My new woman makes me feel so much like a man and gives me peace of mind…yes…she got some herbs to help me last longer in bed but she also does not care about the act of staying longer…she believes intimacy can be achieved by several other ways.

Just last week, my wife called me and said she is ready and wants to come back home. I was surprised. I asked her what changed her mind…she said she now realizes she did not behave well but also blames me for beating her up.

I asked her what about her lover…she kept quiet and said it was an emotional affair…that they never had real s*x any time. I told her I will think about it. I took a few days to try and think …and discuss with my family. My family is still against her returning. They say maybe the man has dumped her cos the man seemed to be trying to make up with his won wife.

I love my wife no doubt but like I said…she insulted my manhood…will I be ever able to forgive her and forget what she said? What if truly she runs after another man if something of such happen again…clearly, not all men can satisfy women like some men. I am not abnormal. I have s*x and one round is ok for me per time. I will not let a woman kill me because I tried to please her.

She sent me a message that she will be coming back this weekend. Is this marriage worth giving a second chance? Will my wife be better to me ..will I be able to move on from the fact that she strayed from our marriage? What if they actually had s*x and not just emotional affair as she claimed?

And finally…what if this new lady I am with is truly my soul mate? I deserve to be happy. Much as I love my wife…I am not sure if we are meant to be together. What should I do?

 

Anonymous

 

Photo Credit:Pulsng

 

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

9 COMMENTS

  1. Leave your wife alone to continue begging
    I don’t think she values you that much if not she would have stayed with you rather than follow another man. She needs to define what she wants and stick to it. Let her go and see a counsellor to help her, then you can now consider her.
    As for your girlfriend, let her know the situation of things. If your mind is still with your wife, please let your girlfriend go and find happiness elsewhere.
    But don’t rush into any commitment with your wife she is highly unstable. Leave your wife to discover herself first.

  2. leave her to beg you more,she is not the boss over you to tell you she is coming back home,you are to decides her coming orderwise she will be parking and returning whenever she likes,be with your new woman that’s all.

  3. Hmmmm bros, pls don’t accept your wife back for now. Something is fishy about her return, d guy has dumped her. No man can stand a woman insult his ego and manhood.

    If your new girl has helped u with herbs and gives u peace of mind, pls stay with her but let her know of the current situation of things as regards your wife.

    U need your sanity 100%

  4. I want to believe that your wife is still very young. Perhaps, barely 23. A much older lady who has experienced life may not behave this way.
    The truth about your wife seeking reconciliation now is that she has been used and dumped by her supposed lover. If you believe that they never had intercourse as she claims, then you can believe the devil too.

    This matter is complicated I must say but let’s examine it a little.
    You still love your wife no doubt and you are likely willing to take her back. To err is human, but to forgive is divine. You can take her back, but, you will never trust her as much as you did at the beginning.
    You will forever live to suspect every move she makes; every phone calls; every single thing she does. I do not think that you want to live this type of dramatic life. Every man wants to have peace of mind in his home.

    On the other hand, if you demand for divorce (from church or court), it can be granted since it is a case of infidelity. A case of adultery may not be easily established since you did not catch them in the act. But then, if you have witnesses who saw them live together all the while she left your home, then, it can inferred that she was living with her lover.
    The choice is actually yours to make whether to formally divorce her or not. I stand with your family members not to take her back.

    You statement reads, “I have s*x and one round is ok for me per time. I will not let a woman kill me because I tried to please her.” Brother, you need to do more. Believe it or not, your game on the bed is not top notch and this contributed to your wife’s infidelity. That satisfaction you could not give her was to a great extent, the reason why she sought something more satisfying from her lover.

    You can last longer in bed without necessarily taking any herbs or medication. Jelqing and kegel exercises can be used to naturally help men achieve wonderful results. Read up how they can be done.
    Good luck.

  5. Hello sir,

    You and your wife need professional counselling. She may call it emotional cheating but that is more dangerous…it shows where her heart really is…

    I believe she could have slept with him…but maybe not…we will never really know

    But as long as there has been an affair…whether physical or emotional…its going to take some work to get the marriage back on track.

    I recommend professional marriage counselling/therapy.

    It will take time but there is a need to discuss what really happened and take definite and deliberate steps to build trust and make sure that it does not happen again

    Forgive her…it will hurt forever but its worth it…forgiveness is divine…if you can pull through this….your marriage will be stronger but if you cannot get past the hurt after some time in therapy…then let her go

    But prayerfully seek professional help and drown the voices of doubt and pain trying to make you give up….you can make it…your marriage can still work

    But you both will have to decide to make it work….put in the prayers…faith and hard work to make it truly work out

    If you are BOTH not committed…then it will eventually crumble…I mean…whatever its left of it will now crumble.

    Forget about the new lady…she is just a distraction…you are still legally married…you cannot promise to commit to her until you are done with trying to save your marriage…

    Remember your wedding voices…trust God to help you both pull through…

    Like I said…it will be hard and painful but it will be worth it…..do not give up on each other.

  6. Sir,as much as you were hurt by her action,u were wrong to let your family know about what transpired between you guys cos when you decide to forgive her they won’t forget what you told them and they will not only you it against her but you as well.u can forgive her if u can let go of hurtful words but you guys need to work on your sex life if not she will repeat the same thing.

  7. […] Started An Affair While He Was Engaged But He Is Obsessed & Will Not Let Me Go-Pls […]

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