HomeAdviceNine Years Of Rocky Relationship & Drama -Will Marriage Change Anything?

Nine Years Of Rocky Relationship & Drama -Will Marriage Change Anything?


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Nine Years Of Rocky Relationship & Drama -Will Marriage Change Anything?

Good day and compliments of the season. My name is Abi (Not real name) . I am 32 years old, I need advise. My partner and I fell in love and have been together for 9 years off and on. He was in UK and I in Nigeria. It was not a perfect love affair but we truly were committed to each other.

I got pregnant 6 years ago  and he was so excited. We had a marriage introduction and he visited once and after I gave birth to my son. He provided for us too. But he was still invested in UK cos he had businesses he was managing.

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We talked about me joining him which I travelled to visit him but towards the end of two years ago, he started making plans to fully return to Nigeria. I went ahead with my child. I actually helped him start up his business here. I been managing the business since but he shocked me six months later when he said his brother will help me manage his business.

That is how, his brother came and he is the GM, I am the deputy GM. His brother and I clashed alot cos I did not like the way he was handling things. His brother started telling my man lies about me…me and my partner started to have issues.

Next thing I heard was, my partner was seeing someone in UK. I confronted him…he denied it. But for the last two years, he has not come to see me or my son. We stopped talking so much on the phone…he wont pick my call and he never responds to my message.

I involved his parents but they already believed the lies told against me by their son, so they did not do much. In September, I got fed up. I told him that if he does not come and we get married by this December and still refuses to speak to me, that I will assume he has moved on. He responded, that I should do whatever I like.

This December, I waited…no calls…nothing . I decided to take a vacation, to cool off. It has been a very tough year. My son is with my mother. I went to Dubai and I really had some time to rest, fun and think about my life. I made up my mind to separate from this guy for good come 2021.

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I met someone in Dubai and I was so happy for the first time. We made love and since then, we have been inseparable. He wants something long term which am ok with. Still in Dubai and I receive a text from my baby daddy…that he is coming back for Christmas…I told him I am in Dubai and he says I should return so we can talk and plan our wedding.

Now, much as this sounds unbelievable…I do not know if he is truly committed to marry me. My fear is…even if we marry…he might just tie me down and he goes back travelling all around the world leaving me alone. I am s*x starved. I need a man who loves me, chooses to be with me by his side.

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If I didnt meet someone here who seems very kind to me…maybe I would have jumped back into his hands…but am seeing things differently now. His brother and family too have shown their true color.

So my question is: should I go back home and try to work things out with my baby daddy of 8 years without marriage or stick to my plan to start afresh cos I am really tired of all the drama. I asked him why he treated me so bad…he said he knows better now…that he just wants us to move forward…no sincere apology from him…na wa o.

I know I might loose out from being a deputy GM if we eventually break up but I will be alright in the end. My head is telling me to walk away…but my heart is confusing me…what should I do please…I deserve to be loved and in a stable relationship…my baby daddy is more financial security for me but emotionally I may never be fulfilled…

Much as I love the security…I also want my peace of mind…He cheats on me…even though he keeps denying it…and if he is not around me…I might cheat on him…cos for the first time in 2 years…I had the best s*x of my life…is this worth giving up? My friend said I should give him a chance cos a bird in hand is worth two in the bush …but will I later regret not giving myself a chance to real love? please guide me.




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello sister. Firstly sex before marriage is a terrible sin, I don’t care how you paint it, you even said you met a man in Dubai and you had sex and you love him, my sister you are deluded and confused, you need grow up from all these mess. You also said you are sex starved, i ask when did fornication become a good thing, you said in two years you had the best sex of your life, my dear sister I know my words are hard but I’m being honest with you cos I love you, talk to yourself and be truthful if the life you ate living is right. My advise is QUIT FORNICATING, but I doubt you will quit it. When you stop the fornicating, then you will know what to do, the sex has blinded your sense of reasoning, cos sex deceives and confuses people to think its love when its actually lust. I wish you the best, love you. I am Akin.

  2. Please make up with your baby daddy biko,and forgive his family. You have to talk things outrightly when he gets back,plan on how to relocate too,thanks.

  3. Hello madam,

    Take a big pause. You do not have to do anything…at least for now.

    What should do is take some time without men messing with your emotions and decide what you really want in life.

    You been with a man for 9 years and you are not truly happy with him…marriage will not change anything…you already lived with him…had a child for him…gave him intimacy….worked with him…what do you think he will do differently?

    Its either you marry him and continue the path you already know he is taking or you end the cycle and create a new path for you life which hopefully …will give you peace of mind which you so desire.

    Do not pressure yourself…or let him pressure you….

    Everything is up to you…do not let anyone define what happiness is for you…happiness is what you deserve.

    Wish you all the best.

  4. Don’t be in a hurry. Take your time
    What plan does your baby daddy have for you? Someone has to relocate, is it you or him.
    Find out his plans first before committing to anything. I doubt he will change much.


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