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Finally Got Engaged On New Year Day But Christmas Eve Is About To Change Everything- Pls Advise


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Finally Got Engaged On New Year Day But Christmas Eve Is About To Change Everything- Pls Advise

Good Morning,

My boyfriend of 3 years just proposed to me this new year day, it was  surprise proposal. This is something I been waiting for…something I been wishing for…something that has one of the reasons we have been quarelling…so he finally did it…he surprised me at my family house on new year’s day.

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You see, my boyfriend and I have been on and off for three years. The first two years was beautiful…until I started seeing some strange behaviors. It appears his ex and him were still communicating. From what I gathered…they were together for almost 5 years. They were engaged but they couldn’t marry cos the girl’s family.

So, two years into our relationship….this girl started coming back into his life. He tried to hide it but I just knew it. I got angry and broke up with him. His family too were quite upset and did not support him. With plenty begging and counselling…we reconciled.

But after like 7 months….I started noticing me and my boyfriend were quarrelling. Over small issues. It was like he was looking for every little excuse to flare up. And by this time, I already asking him where our relationship was headed. Yes, we talked about marriage…but no concrete plans.

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Anytime I ask him when, he will be like, eemmm…me I have trust issues, so we need to address those before we marry. So, how do we address it? He will say…I should start showing him  that I trust him. Well, I asked him what am I doing to make him I don’t trust him….he said I am always asking him where he is…so I stopped asking him.

I deliberately stopped asking him anything…not even about the marriage…only for me to get a call from a friend of mine…she was like…are you no longer dating Ike (not his real name). I was like why ask me that…and she was like…she got invited to a friend’s wedding introduction.

It turns out that Ike…was at the wedding introduction with her friend’s elder sister. She was told that the family is expecting to have two weddings as her friend and elder sister were getting married in January. So, Ike, my boyfriend was planning to marry their elder sister who was the same ex that made us break up later.

I confronted Ike and he did not deny it. He said he was sorry and he made a mistake. That the ex said she was pregnant for him. That she called him one day…crying and threatening to take her life if she couldn’t marry Ike. That he met her to let her know it was over but she put drugs in his drink and he didn’t know what happened …she ended up seducing him to sleep with her.

Seven weeks later…she says she is pregnant. And her family that did not approve their marriage before is threatening to deal with him if he does not step up and do the right thing by marrying their daughter. All these was like a drama to me…I was in a bad dream. My boyfriend’s ex was pregnant for him…he slept with her…to me…that means they are still in love and me…I was not in the picture.

Nothing more to say….I cried myself…to almost dying. He begged and begged…his family too were all upset. He came back and said he will not marry her again cos they are using the pregnancy to trap him. Well, he should have known that…me …I told him I am not interested again.

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It was his father that later insisted on an independent pregnancy test. Thank God for that man. The girl refused o. Eventually…she came with a cock and bull story that the stress made her miscarry. So, nobody knows whether she was truly pregnant or lying.

As for me…I was too depressed and betrayed…I cut off all ties from my boyfriend and travelled home for the Christmas since first week of December. I been indoors, refusing to go out or see anyone. My cousins came home for Christmas and dragged me to come out clubbing with them on Christmas eve. I needed that so I went with them.

There was alot of drinking …heavy drinking and at some point…a guy I met wanted to have s*x with me…I knew what he wanted but I was depressed…so, I wanted to feel something again…maybe happy or just forget my sorry for a while…so we ended up having s*x. A complete stranger at that …something I have never done in my entire life.

The next day…being Christmas…Ike called me that he was coming to my place…I was exhausted from the night before…I did not really understand but when he showed up that afternoon, I just broke down and started to cry. I realize I loved him so much…I couldn’t live without him. I told him I was so depressed that I went clubbing but didn’t tell him I hooked up with a stranger.

Ike begged for another chance and I agreed…that we try again. We had a really great Christmas after all. We spent every day after Christmas together. Everyone was happy with us as well. I mean, what a year 2020 has been..to end it with the one you loved…that was just God…I was grateful.

And then the surprise proposal that took place on new year’s day was on another level. It was the happiest day of my life. I said yes. It was a beautiful engagement ring. Everything was going well…until….I saw his face…am not sure he recognized me initially…and then he did…that stranger from the club was staring at me…he was a guest at my surprise engagement…

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Guess the fool who invited him? My cousin o…well…she said she did not know we hooked up that night…which kind of devil is this? Turns out also that he is an old friend of Ike. I wanted to faint. He did not say anything to me throughout…I avoided him. And that is how everything went.

But I cannot lie…my conscience has been killing me. I could not sleep …I tried calling your line for advise…you didn’t pick up…that’s why I am sending you an email….please what am I going to do about this? What will happen? This stranger…will he talk…should I contact him to beg him to keep quiet?….I cannot tell Ike….this will change everything…same thing I accused him of…

What will I do…oh God…my chest is paining me…why is life treating me so unfairly…anytime I want to be happy…things happen…all the issues I been having with Ike was around trust issues…will he ever trust me again if he finds out about Christmas eve? whether from me or another persons…I am so confused and afraid …please advise me…


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Finally Got Engaged On New Year Day But Christmas Eve Is About To Change Everything- Pls Advise
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. This is really sad. The way a man takes cheating and the way a woman takes cheating are very different but I don’t think you have any other option than to tell him before he finds out from his friend should incase that one decides to run his mouth or blackmail you into sleeping with him more or your conscience continue pricking you the more.

    Just ask God for mercy and intervention, say the truth and set yourself free. Give him time to make his decision. All the best.

  2. It’s Sad what has happened, but sooner or later Ike will get to know, that’s just how life works. If he gets to know from someone else, he’ll definitely confront you with the issue, my best guess, you’ll break down crying and admit it and he may never trust you again. So just gather up some courage and tell him yourself. If truly he loves you, it may take some time but you guys will be good.

    On the other hand, if you contact the stranger to beg him not to tell ike, my best guess, he will definitely blackmail you with it. It may not be now, it may even be few months or years into your marriage, but the guy will definitely bring it up again and you may end up being a sex object to him because he will keep demanding for more to keep quiet. Just stop the drama now and tell Ike.

  3. This your Ike is not a stable guy, tomorrow the ex could come back for more sex, he just has something for her and you have to live with it should you marry him cos he seems like someone that can’t take a firm stand, just going up and down from the beginning. Anyways, tell your Ike about the guy and let him deal with it. To me he just knows he can manipulate your emotions that’s why he keeps coming back and you will always be 2nd place even after marriage cos it seems you love him more than he loves you. If he breaks up with you, just accept your fate and move on.


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